The nerve of this shitfuck! He came blasting in at 1:15. At 1:15! This guy’s really got a lot of balls. All kinds of neighbors around here must’ve appreciated that. Doesn’t he even give a shit about waking his girlfriend and kid up? I know it was him cuz I ran to the front door and could hear his keys jangling through the mailbox slot, and then I heard him rummaging around the jeep. At first I said to myself, just live with it and get used to it cuz there’s nothing you can do about it and Tom doesn’t care and he’d certainly never do anything more than what you and he already did.

Uh-uh. I’m not gonna accept it as a losing battle till I try one more thing. Of course, I can’t tell Tom, unfortunately, cuz he’ll just get all paranoid. But I’m not gonna let the possibility of them doing anything to us intimidate me from seeking a little justice here. So, I’ve decided to talk to the cop across the street if I can. I’m gonna tell him the situation and tell him that we’ve asked them nicely to knock it off about 4 or 5 times and that didn’t work. Not for long, anyhow. Then I’m gonna ask him to please keep my identity a secret and to please have a word with them without saying that someone complained to him. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll get results as a cop. Especially a cop living across the street. I know God will do something else, given the slight chance that this works, but fine. I’ll take all the screaming kids and barking dogs over this any day. I’m tired of having this house feel like 100 people are banging, kicking, and slamming these walls at once as the vibration rocks the house. Of course, there’s no use asking God for help since I’ve already tried that. Besides, this is what he wants me in for. Why? I just wish I knew why the fuck God is so into this kind of shit for me. Well, I’m sick of it and I’m not gonna take it anymore. One way or the other I’m gonna fight back and he can do whatever the fuck else he pleases. He’s done enough already, so why not keep on doing more, huh? I mean, it’s only a matter of time before this little fuck wakes me up again and if I’d been asleep, I’m sure he’d have done just that.

Now I do want them to move, but nope, they ain’t going anywhere for quite some time, even if they are renters. I can just sense it and I know how God is. Plus, they bought themselves a washer or a dryer, so that’s not something people would usually invest in if they knew they were gonna move soon or go into an apartment.

Anyway, I talked to Tammy and all 3 kids. I told Lisa I was there for her and that she could always call or write.

Tom and I have decided to cook more since my TV dinners cost so much more. I like this idea and it’ll make my job as a homemaker more complete. So, I’ve gone through one of the cookbooks Ma sent and checked off some potential recipes.

Later...

The kids are out two yards down now. It’s amazing how much more tolerable I’ve come to the sound of kids, but I’m still glad they’re not right next door. Then again, I’d take that over the bass anytime.

I’m confused right now, yet everything’s going as expected. I’ll expand on that in a minute.

First though - freeloader update. Well, there’s not a damn thing I can do about them and the trouble they’re causing. God would never let me anyway, and if he did, he’d replace it with something else. There’s no use trying to fight God. If I could fight God, I’d have had a woman before meeting Tom, I’d have been a singer when I wanted that and I’d have a kid now.

Matter of fact, as I write, the freeloaders just came banging in. That could’ve easily woken me up. I mean, after all, it’s no different than if Tom got up on the roof and hammered right over the bedroom.

They’ve just got me so fucking nervous. The anxiety is just so much to deal with and even if I could get pregnant, this would really double the stress of my having a kid and dealing with it as a baby. I miss the days when blasting music was the least of my worries. I know they’re gonna wake me up soon. My fortune cookie said to get ready for a big change in my personal life. I wish that that was all about them moving, but fat chance. Besides, if they did, the new neighbors would do the same thing, or else some car would drive by more often that did. Yeah, well, these people are gonna be there a good 2-3 years or more and so are we.

Last night I told Tom that I had thought of going to the cop across the street and not telling him so he wouldn’t worry, but then I told him I don’t like the idea of doing something behind his back. Well, what he had to say about it is absolutely true. The cop would just tell me it’s not his job or problem. You’d think that a cop would care about helping others and especially those within his neighborhood, but he wouldn’t give a shit. So, strike that idea. And like I said before, God will be right there to say, “Oh no you don’t! You will have this as a daily part of your life and you can’t fight me and win.”

Now the after-9 PM peace is gone. Now that he blared his way in in the middle of the night, I know he’d do it at any time.

Tom says I need not worry and that the things that make me paranoid are nonsense and I hope he’s right. I know he wants a kid, but sometimes I’m not sure if he wants it that bad or wants to wait or wants to tease me once more (like with an October period) cuz we’ve only had sex once so far and it’s already the 12th. Even he said he wanted to have sex more, but I shouldn’t get so upset, I guess, cuz I figured the sex wouldn’t go up one bit. And that’s regardless of if we want a kid or can or can’t have one. He says there’s plenty of time, but I’ve been upset lately. The only day I remember being upset this month was with Lisa, so what is this? Do I get punished by being deprived of sex if I get upset?