Amazingly, I was able to send my sister a message about how I felt about her attitude, then she was able to reply to me and clear me up, then we were able to move on. Usually, when one brings a complaint against the other, we end up fighting and getting angry and hurt. Guess we’ve really come a long way.

In my message to her, I told her how I felt about her never even saying “thank you” for the things I take the time and effort to send her, even if some of it may not be stuff she’s really as interested in. And how she still seems to have a negative attitude towards others and also seems to have an I-don’t-care attitude.

In her reply to me, she told me she never meant to hurt me by teasing me and that I tease her too, but she always knew I still loved her and was grateful for anything she’s done for me.

This is true, and teasing is fine as is telling me her opinion about something I’ve sent, it’s just when she seems to not care, that it upsets me.

Anyway, she cleared me up and let me know she does use the mugs we sent, she looked at every drawing, but just doesn’t know much about art and failed it in school. She said to never think that just cuz she’s under stress she was ever ungrateful and that I was the only family member she had that she could talk to.

I let her know I was very sorry that I got the wrong idea and I thanked her for being appreciative and also let her know I understood her position and that we could keep on teasing each other about anything. We know what’s acceptable and she’d never tease me about my sterility any more than I’d tease her about her weight.

I talked to Dad yesterday for the 4th day in a row. Mom spent last night at Tammy’s.

What a stupid hamster I’ve got. He’s so obsessed with sleeping and eating in the tubes, that when he goes to empty out food he brings up in the rings of tubes I’ve now got set up, it falls down and out. If he’d just go into the hideaway, he wouldn’t have that problem and you’d think that that’d be more comfortable for him to sleep in, too.

Piggy’s doing well and it looks like this eye problem will not affect his health in any serious way.

Later...

OK, since this hamster just loves tubes so much, I redesigned it and made more flat parts for him to sleep in and to keep his food in.

Tom and I had a nice talk yesterday and it was sweet of him to tell me he didn’t want to break his promise to have more sex and that he wanted to know if I’d feel neglected if he fell asleep so he could be well rested to take care of ma. I may need to see him and talk to him daily, but I don’t need sex daily. About 3-4 times a week is good, but not once every week or two, either.

I sang earlier, but now I’m starving!

Later...

I’m back to 104. That was fast!

I had a nice chat with Shelly yesterday. She has no immediate plans to move yet. Her ex comes and takes the kids for the weekends and this is good, cuz although he was a cheater, he was a good father. Most of them don’t give a shit about kids. This also gives her a break and some freedom, so she can do as she pleases.

We got into the discussion of how everyone wants something they don’t have and can’t have. Her sister is sterile too, but Shelly envies her income. My sister perms her hair, while I straighten mine.

It’s interesting to hear different people’s beliefs and Shelly has a unique belief that I’ve never heard of before. She not only thinks there’s no God or devil, as do some people, but she thinks that there was a God a long time ago. I’ve never heard anyone tell me they thought there once was a God. She doesn’t think my sterility was caused by a God or a devil but by life and people. Meaning, the DES and all the meds I was on and shit like that.

Well, it took people to create the drug DES, but I still believe that God allowed it to happen. Maybe he and the devil together allowed pregnant women’s unborn babies to be exposed to this shit, so they could not have families of their own. And if it’s a case of the devil’s work alone, then God is either not as powerful as people think, or else he’d have stopped the devil, or he just doesn’t care. If God did this alone, then he’s either punishing me, protecting me or both. Either way, God’s either not the loving thing people say he stands for, or there is an evil force much stronger than he is. If there is a “good God” as people say, we need to see much, much, much more of him. So much more of him.

Later...

At 6:45, she leaves next door. How I know is cuz her ride pulls up to the curb but stays on the road and gives her a quick honk. At 8:30, he leaves from next door and although I can’t say for sure, cuz I only saw the car for half a second, it may not have been the maroon car, but the one Mike’s supposed to be driving. So, maybe it is him living there and that she and he made this little music for the dog deal, cuz I haven’t heard any music. I also haven’t heard much door-slamming and there hasn’t been any company lately. Labor Day will tell what the real scoop is. Whether it’s him or not, it’ll either prove or disprove my music for dog theory. Last Labor Day they partied, so if it’s him and if I’m right about the music-for-dog deal, then there won’t be a problem that day, but if it’s not him, he could be someone who just doesn’t party. Who knows?

Dogs don’t usually bark as much when their owners aren’t home. They bark more when their owners are home, cuz they want attention and not to be left outside and ignored. So, unless there are any more people in that household, it may not bark any more than it does now when the weather cools down. Then again, as soon as it does cool down - out comes the kids onto the monkey bars, which stirs up their dogs into barking like hell, which will stir this one up. It’ll be like a chain reaction.

Today’s the day Mom finds out her bone marrow test results. Both Mary and Tom are going with her. This is cuz Mary’s a pessimist, like me, and would need Tom for emotional support, should they tell Mom she’s terminally ill. Tom, who is optimistic about everything, too optimistic in an unrealistic way, thinks things are fine. I know they are. Why should ma be terminally ill? I just can’t think of any reason why she would be and most non-smoking females live into their 80s. Plus, she’s God’s excuse for keeping Tom as busy as he is so we don’t get to spend as much time together, so believe me - she ain’t going anywhere for years. It goes without saying that I love this lady dearly and want her to be around for a long time, but I still wonder just how much more free time we’d have if she weren’t around. At first, I’d say a lot more, but I don’t know. Wouldn’t God just use something else to fill Tom’s time? I would think so.