I have so much to write about that I wish I’d kept notes. I’ll try to remember what I can.

The weekend was peaceful and enjoyable, except for one thing that is a never-ending suspicion for me - Tom’s fear of cumming.

There was no music from next door, but they fucking slammed their doors in the late afternoons like crazy! Also, it is he who lives there. At least, I’m pretty sure it is now. There is no longer a maroon car that stays there, but a dark gray car. Not the car that Tom saw before, but a different one. Well, I always did feel that this guy was a car dealer and it looks that way more than ever. For all I know, there’ll be a green car next week, a yellow car the week after that, and a gold car the week after that.

I don’t know if the freeloader just left for the first time today or if he just pulled in to quickly get something, but I just heard a voice, looked out over there, and saw the car door close, then he left. There was music at a very soft volume and it better stay that way. I’m not looking forward to Labor Day, though. Cuz if this is him and not someone else who doesn’t prefer loud music and to bug their neighbors, I’ll be hearing them then. I won’t go over there, though, cuz it’ll be a holiday, but I won’t look forward to that day, either. Last time I saw Mike, he was bald, so maybe the guy I saw talking to the white guy was him with his hair grown in. Who knows? They all look the same.

I gave dad his last call on either Friday or Saturday, as ma was due back the next day. It was so nice to chat with him and do our phone thing we do when she goes away and leaves him free to do as he wishes. He didn’t bitch about my calls at all and he listened and chatted with me.

Tammy said the visit with Mom was nothing new and that she bitched at her for everything she does. That’s what Lisa told me, too. It figures she’d have to do this in front of the kids! She may have made some changes throughout the years, but for the most part, that lady will never change! She thinks that everything she does is right and everyone else is wrong and yet she’s so insecure with her own self that she has to bash others constantly. Instead of being polite as a guest in someone’s house should be, she had to go there and be a nagging, rude, bitch. And as usual, she did it when Bill wasn’t around. That’s the only reason our visit went so well; cuz Tom was around the whole time. There’s something about her wanting our husbands and friends to think she’s wonderful, so that’s why she only attacks us when she can get us alone.

I don’t know what it is with these tits of mine, but the vitamin E and the cutting out the caffeine are totally useless. Once again, my tits are getting way too sore too early and I’ll be getting an early rag just as I figured I would. See, something up there is acting like there’s something to miss. Tom was too scared to even go in there much and I don’t care how much he lies and denies it or says he believes I’m even gonna have twins. The only reason he says I’m gonna have a child and that I’ll have twins is cuz he loves to disagree with me. If I said I was fertile and wanted more than one child, he’d say I may have something wrong with me and that if not, he couldn’t see me having any more than one kid. He’s totally obsessed with opposites when dealing with me.

The weekend was both fun and productive. We got things done and we got to spend more time together both in and out of bed, but when he started to go in me from up top after we’ve been doing this a while now, then just “couldn’t” get in, I knew. I knew he was scared. So, we’ve gone back to the side position, since there are problems and excuses with doing just the top (till there are too many problems once again with going back to the old way of the side, then the top) and once he got on his side. He didn’t cum and of course it was sooooo obvious he knew he wouldn’t and didn’t want to. I said it was nice that he’s keeping at least half of his promise, but what about the other half? His answer - that he’s not gonna cum every time. I reminded him that he said he would most of the time and he said he still would, but that I haven’t given it enough time to judge it, so give it a few weeks. I know he won’t. He won’t get off any more than he usually does. He knows that and I know that, but this is the last time my husband’s gonna lie to me.

He may be everything wonderful out of bed, but I just don’t know if I want to even bother having a child, if I could, with a man like this who has to play sex games. I just can’t win here, he’s just too stubborn for me to even begin to be able to get by him and break him of this cycle that’s gone on since we began and it’s not only impossible, but I just don’t know if it’s worth the bother, either.

Still saying he doesn’t see why our sex lives can’t be normal, too. If God wouldn’t interfere, then I don’t see why it couldn’t, either, but in order for this to happen, he’s gonna have to get off his game kick and over his baby/miscarriage fear. Or tell me the truth - that he doesn’t want to deal with what a baby or a miscarriage would entail and discuss birth control with me, even though I know we don’t need that.

He says that cuz our sex lives didn’t start off spontaneous, unplanned, and like most couples, it held us back, but now that we know we can do all the normal sex acts, in different positions, like most people know up front, we can move on. Yeah, I see what he’s saying, but moving on is up to him. Not up to us and not up to me. It takes 2 to move on and there’s only been 1 of us willing to do that. He’s moved on, but he’s also done some planning, too. He planned how and when he’d move on and if he ever does have it in mind to get off regularly, only he knows when he’ll allow himself to do so. Meanwhile, he’s gonna pin his reasons for not doing the normal thing on whatever he can to cover his ass until and if he’s ever ready to make a move and move on. That is, as long as God permits it.

He didn’t get to mowing the yard, checking out dryers, trimming bushes/hedges, or other things, but he filmed Bunny, and if he’s got a problem with any of these 3 shots and wants to do it again, uh-uh. Enough is enough already. We’ve got some good enough shots we can mix in and send off.

He also saw his ma and other family members and worked on his car. He took the backseat out cuz it’s ugly and he wants to upholster it. Before we do this, though, we may be able to get Andy’s door over here ourselves, cuz now he can go right through the back of the trunk with it and into the backseat.

The reason why he didn’t do as much is cuz he’s being more “lazy.” You know how he was saying that most guys are lazy and that that’s why they’ve got plenty of energy for cumming more? Well, this is why he’s doing this, which is nice, but kind of a big show at the same time. These times he didn’t get off were at the start of his day. Before he did anything to tire himself out.

We did have more spontaneous and unplanned sex, though, and I liked it. It was a lot of fun, except for one teasing thing he did. I thought we’d do the side position, then he’d go up top. But not cum, of course. Well, he went straight on top, just rubbed my clit with his dick, which felt good, but then he made it appear that he was gonna go inside, then pulled away, then went down on me. Then we did the side position and this is when it was really obvious that even though this was the only time he got brave enough to go in there all weekend, he wouldn’t be in there for long and he wouldn’t get off.

Well, 3 weeks from now on September 15th, how much do you want to bet I’ll be back to report that he came either 0-2 times since now? Trust me, it’ll be the same old, same old. If he’s gonna make a move, it won’t be till after we get the bed. Not right after, cuz then that’d be obvious, but if we get the bed around late October, he won’t squirt more till around the end of the year. If he ever does squirt more. He still may not want to and he may never get over his fears or ever have such strong desires as I do.

Things always happen later than he says. Some of it can’t be helped and some of it is his doing. If there were 3 things I’d change about him, it’d be concerning sex, his deliberately misplacing things I arrange around here to be different and for me to put it back where it goes, and his trying to force patience into me. He told me a week ago that this weekend that just passed would be the last time I had to hang clothes, but I know better. There’ll be a few more weeks of hanging clothes before we get the new dryer. I don’t mind hanging clothes at all. It’s just that it’s so damn hot and humid and I fear ant attacks, but he’s been kind enough to offer to do this for me. When I do it, though, I get into my suit and get wet first, then I go out. And I go out when it’s really hot, cuz then the ants are underground.

He said he looked at one of the beds we discussed getting, but that it seemed overrated, therefore, he thinks the other bed will be it. That’s what I told him I’m afraid of. This Do Not Disturb mattress idea is too good to be true and it can’t be all that they say it is. It’s got to be overrated, but he’s still sure we’ll get one. I’ll believe it when I see it, though, cuz that’s the pessimist I am and he’s been so sure of other things that either never happened or that happened way later than he said it would.

Tom and I enjoyed swimming together and chatting.

He took me to get two new journals on Saturday and this store we went to, that we’ve been to before, has a really great selection. This time, they had specialty journals for birthdays, anniversaries, traveling, etc. I got a do-it-yourself autobiography and it’s pretty neat. Technically, this book is for the elderly, since it’s broken up into the early years, the middle years, and the later years. I answered what I could of the early and middle years, which is most of the questions (there are 201 questions - one on each page), but I’ll use the later years as just a regular journal. Tom was kind enough to sit and read all the questions and answers I wrote.

The other day/night journal I got is cool with the way it flips upside down midway. This would’ve been great for back when I was doing stories. I could have two stories in different directions. However, I’m sure I’ll write through to the middle, then turn the book around and upside down and begin from the other end, till I meet up with the other side in the middle and end it there.

After picking up these journals, we went to Walgreens where I got Paula’s Arizona T-shirt that I hope will fit. We couldn’t find anything nice in a medium, so we got medium/large, but hopefully, she’ll like it and it’ll fit. I told her to let me know in the letter I sent, too.

Teddy Bear made his first escape. The plastic latch on the plastic door to Mary’s cage broke and I didn’t think he’d want to bother pulling his clumsy old self up and out of it, but he did. Thank God animals usually misbehave when their masters are around to give them attention for it, cuz who knows what else he’d have done if I weren’t up. When I got up, he was in his hideaway, then a little while later I heard unusual sounds and came to check. He was sitting on the desk that the bottom cage is on, munching on his food from the hole he chewed in the bag. He’s smart, too. There are two plastic bags there. One with connectors and cage parts and one with his food. He knew which one was his food, so he chewed a hole in the bag and helped himself.

Tom also got me some really nice new 3½ floppy disks. They’re different colored, see-through plastic. There’s yellow, green, red, and blue.

Jesus Christ! They’re over there slamming doors now. On a weekday afternoon? I thought they worked now. I just heard a few doors and the kid cry, but as annoying and as distracting as it is, I’ll take doors, dogs, and soft music or no music over loud, vibrating bass anytime.

Tom said I slept through a really, really loud stereo that passed by at 3 AM on Sunday. I’m surprised I did, but not surprised that someone had to blast through. People have no respect for others and that usually happens on weekends around here. Sometimes on weekdays, too, but not like on weekends.