Tom says it’ll be a month or two before we get the bed. I hope so and I also hope he does the roof soon. If he only had more time and didn’t have so many things to do for so many other people. Again, is this one of the many reasons why God just won’t allow us a kid?

Tammy says it’ll be a while before we can see Sarah’s pictures on the Internet and that she sent a video to mom and dad of their chorus and around the house. She said she’ll have Mom and Dad send it to us, then we’ll send it back to her. We’ll see about that.

Although Sarah never struck me as the type to get modeling offers (if she really did), I’d say she’s the best-looking of the 3 and that Lisa’s just there and that Becky’s rather homely. Again, I wouldn’t tell Tammy that, cuz that’d be mean.

Larry says he doubts he’ll be calling Tammy on her birthday.

That’d really make her day. No, she won’t be too happy about that.

Mary and Dave drove Mom to Red Lobster and Tom and I met them there. Then Mary and Dave left and we took Mom here. I showed her the art stuff, the journals and the animals and Tom showed her stuff on AOL, then brought her home.

He got two more straight tubes for the new cage and that allows for much more flexibility in designing different setups and it looks better. I could still use 3 more, though, then with the exception of the gerbil and the other cage Play City makes, I won’t need tubes or other stuff for quite a while.

He went down on me today and I enjoyed it very much. I’m still very wary about getting back into sex and the shit it brings about, knowing that while Tom can ask me what’d make me happy, and I can say that more sex + more cumming by him + proof of who’s really right (even though I know I am) = a happier me, is just a dream and nothing will ever change. I know there’s no chance of a miracle allowing me to get pregnant, therefore, I wish he’d cum more so he can see that I know what I’m saying when I say I’m sterile, so he can help me deal with it better. Then we could sit down and discuss how much we want a child and the pros and cons of taking a chance on a doctor (once again, though, I know that’d never get us anywhere). There’s no beating God, that’s for sure. And is Tom gonna do what he asks, then gets told will make me happier? Oh no. Of course not. He’s too wrapped up in his own fears and in his own reasons for being the way he is. Well, he decided when he’d cum in the first place, so maybe, just maybe, he’ll decide it’s time to get off on a full-time basis. The only problem with that is that we just can’t have sex full-time. He’s just too busy, too tired or too sick and our schedules don’t always match up.

Like I said, something wanted things the way they have been and the way they are for a reason and it can’t be no “testing” period. For this long? I don’t think so! This spells out the word curse to me and even if Tom were suddenly functioning normally in bed, whatever’s up there would make sure that I had a problem develop. It obviously decided long ago that it’s either me or who I’m with, but there’s no way in hell, no matter how hard I try to see that this couldn’t be so, that I’m not sterile. I’ve got to be sterile. I just know it. The evidence is all too evident. But as long as he’s his stubborn, fearful, busy, sick and tired self, we couldn’t do anything about it even if God would let us.

The weekend was quiet, but today their dog did get on my nerves. Especially when I was hanging out clothes (the dryer broke), cuz the clothesline is right by the wall that divides the two yards and therefore, I was standing just two feet away from the damn dog.

Well, it’s either that or the music. God’s not gonna allow me nothing at all to have to listen to and a dog can be fanned out and it can’t wake me up. I’m not gonna give them the reaction they want by doing anything to them or to the dog, cuz that’d just bring back the music, then things would get real ugly, and I’m not going to jail for a bunch of selfish assholes. Even if I didn’t touch them, but just hurt the dog, someone could see me, but if they didn’t, they’d know it was me, then I’d be in hot water and get arrested.

Sometimes it even barks more than the two dogs do at this time of year, so I can only imagine how the winter will be. From now on, I don’t go out back unless I need to. Not with dogs on both sides of me to have to listen to, even if that old man’s dog doesn’t bark too much, then kids screaming on monkey bars. They haven’t been around much, but as soon as it cools down they will be.

At this time, I’m pretty sure it’s that guy I saw talking to some other guy that’s moved in there. A woman wouldn’t use a few boxes to move in, cuz you know how women have way more shit than you can put into a few boxes unless you’ve got lots of computer-related and electronic stuff like Tom’s got. There is a chance that this person and the dog could be there only temporarily, but that’s a long shot. Their weekend company and the car that lives there have been quiet, so I know this dog has got to be for me as a trade-in for the music. That’s why I’m not doing anything about it, besides the fact that I don’t want to get arrested. I can compromise.

Since no one here lets their dogs in their houses, what do they do with them? I mean, they just sit outside with no love or attention and are abandoned all day and night, so what do they do with them, other than feed and water them and clean up their shit? Maybe this is another reason we don’t have a kid? How would it sleep? I wouldn’t think it would do so very well with their dogs, the two dogs, and with them slamming their car doors 3-4 feet away.