I knew I had to be wrong. I knew these people wouldn’t take their dogs in at night. Not in the day. Not at night. Not ever. I just heard next door’s dog. People are so cruel. Why would anyone want a dog just for the expense of it? Not to love it or give it any attention, but just to buy it food to bring to it and to scoop up their shit. Of course, next door didn’t get this dog for any purpose, other than the fact that I yelled at them that time at 6:30 in the morning.

How do they sleep through this (next door and next door to them)? That’s what I wonder. Most people don’t sleep with radios or fans on, so how do they sleep or get any peace in the daytime? Well, that security guard Dave, from the Vista, told me that he had to sleep with his radio on so his dog wouldn’t wake him up. What I just don’t get, though, is why doesn’t anyone out here allow their dogs inside? And does anyone care about their neighbors? Especially when out here, most neighbors are just a few feet apart from one another. People out here just don’t care about neighbors or pets. Not most people since the trailer dog have been gone since I passed my little note and the Mormons shut their kids up at my kindly request.

So, these two houses haven’t taken their dogs in at night. They’ve just been unusually quiet most of the time, compared to other summers and winters. I think it was about a year ago that they stopped their night barking and just barked through the days. This winter is gonna be maddening. It always is with the two dogs, but now there’ll be 3 dogs.

I can see a dog let out a few hours a day when the weather’s nice, but to leave them out 24/7 is totally cruel and neglectful. Especially when it’s really hot during the summer days and when it’s cold during the winter nights.

Piggy’s doing OK. He doesn’t appear to be ill or in pain, but the eye still looks horrible and he’ll always be blind in that eye. I just wish I knew for sure what it was and how he got it. Is it an infection? Is it an injury? And if it is an injury, did he get it from Bunny?

Like Tom said, I guess we’re in the wrong country, since the only people that want his software are in Germany. We got mail addressed to our business for the PrintBig program. Before that, someone from Germany wanted to buy some other software he put out before we were an item. The thing about it is that this person sent 20 marks and we don’t know if we can exchange it for greater or less in US dollars. Luckily, my husband works in a bank, so he can find this out. It took 3 dollars and two weeks for this to come all the way from Germany.

Later...

Tom will be taking his ma to get her bandages changed tomorrow after work. I just hope she doesn’t wear the hell out of him. She’s gonna have a zillion appointments and I worry about Tom’s lack of sleep and health. Not to mention how much of our time together we lose. The thing I don’t get about his mother is why doesn’t she take a cab. She can very easily afford it and if she knows Tom’s schedule and doesn’t want to bother the family, then why is it that she doesn’t use cabs? Is she afraid of riding with strangers? I guess that could be it, cuz I’ve never known or heard of her taking cabs and she’s never mentioned it. So, I guess there’s something about cabs that scares her.

We screwed yesterday and naturally, and as I knew, he was too beat to get off, but I enjoyed it. And as always, he says we’ll have more time together. He’s been saying that for years, but I know better - we’ll screw again in about a week.

I forgot to mention asking Tom why he could do physical projects for hours but had such a hard time with sex. He said that when doing a physical project, you can go at your own pace and dictate your own movements, unlike with sex. The blood is also everywhere when working on projects, but during sex, it’s all tied up in the dick.

Yes, this and his busyness is a good excuse, but I still don’t buy it all. Most guys are lazy, but what about the guys who work just as hard as he does? Gloria’s husband’s busier than all hell, but he managed to make their second kid without a problem. David and Evie both work full-time and they’ve got two kids. Our brothers had no problem. Our fathers had no problem. So, I still think a big part of it is that sex and making this kid he swears I can conceive and that he swears he wants isn’t what he really wants. It’s not his top priority and it’s certainly not God’s, either.

And speaking of this human nature thing with not wanting to assume something’s wrong, a part of me wishes I could be like that. I used to be like that and be like Tom. Afraid to find out what really would happen if I pursued something. Afraid to admit that something’s wrong, therefore, I’d deny it and say that when it came to something I wanted bad, it’d work out. I’d find a way to succeed and achieve my goal. So, Tom’s like the old me - afraid to deal with whatever the results may be of pursuing more sex with him cumming more.

It may be easier on me mentally if I were like this, but I don’t know, cuz in the back of my mind it’d be eating at me and I’d hear faint whispers saying that something was wrong and maybe I wasn’t supposed to have what I want. There’s no sense in postponing or denying reality. So, you either deny you’ve got a problem, then deal with reality later, or you deal with it head-on and from the get-go, and I guess it’s best to know there’s a problem up front and not deny it or try to turn away from it than say that maybe there is no problem and that it’s just been a case of being unlucky so far and not succeeding yet, but will in the end. I’d be lying to myself if I told myself not to assume I’m sterile, cuz I am.