Freeloader update - apparently, the fuck’s driving yet another car, the little shit. A couple of different cars were there today, but there’s still been no music. Just door slamming and just hours of ball games to come this weekend. I can’t wait!

I wouldn’t be surprised if the freeloader blasted off periodically just to be able to say he rebelled against me and got his way as far as that goes. He wouldn’t want to be completely controlled. Gotta be somewhat of an opposite-of-what-someone-asks/wants doer. God, they’re soooo obsessed with me hearing them one way or the other. That’s kind of scary in a way when someone wants you to notice them that bad.

I mailed off a manila envelope with several sheets of old journal stuff and current journal drafts to Bob. He’ll have plenty to read for a while. I hope he gets it OK and that no guard or inmate steals any of the shit I sent out of spite. They wouldn’t even take the time to read it, either. They’d just take it just to be taking it. This will be it for him for a while. He’s not worth all the postage as it is.

Well, Tom’s mom’s sister Margaret had to be put away. She has a chemical imbalance and cannot distinguish fantasy from reality or right and wrong. She hears voices and is quite delusional. Now she’ll be safe and so will others, as sad as it is.

I got to thinking about Tammy and you know, once again, I’m sick of her shit. I’m sick of her paranoia, her lies, her exaggerations, her jealousy, her being so into herself and not giving a shit about shit she can’t relate to or gain by, and her false accusations. And I told my folks this in my email to them. I figured that if they could go bitch to Tammy about me like they did when she visited them, I can bitch about her. The only difference is that she’ll never know about it. They won’t ask me to talk to her like they asked her to talk to me. Maybe I was just as wrong and childish as they all were, but I did nothing wrong. I’m sorry if an innocent comment I made led Tammy to hear stuff she didn’t want to hear, but I didn’t mean her any harm. She may as well ignore me for telling Larry the weather’s hot here. In Ma’s reply, she said:

"I understand your frustrations with Tammy. She has never changed. I have stayed by her side and supported her since she was a little girl. However, I have reached my limit. Too many lies and sympathy episodes have reduced her credibility with so many people including me."

Well, my mother hasn’t always been by her side and supportive of her, but even so, I’m gonna back off for a while and not contact her as long as she doesn’t contact me. I just hope Lisa knows she can call me and that this has nothing to do with her. I don’t hate my sister. I don’t wish her any harm, but I’m just sick of her and her ways. No one can change Tammy but Tammy herself and I have no right to demand she change, but I can avoid her for now.

I had a full flow and really bad cramps. Worse than they’ve been in a long time. Some weird shit came out, too, but at this time, I’m no longer sure what the hell it was. I was just glad when the pain subsided. The flow didn’t last long, though, and my tits are still a bit sore.

Got another package today from my folks. I think this was box #10.

There were some knickknacks, as usual, and a candle holder made of thin iron vine-like things with purple flowers. Well, I had that fake cactus with purple flowers so I put it in this holder. It looks nice.

She sent some pictures and some really cute picture frames. One was a dog-shaped one with a picture of Heidi and Max in it. There were some frames of metal with shapes of leaves and flowers. The flowers were magenta. I kept the picture she had of Dad in one of them, then put an old picture of Tom, Mary, Steve, Ray and David in the other one. She sent a couple of big ones of me when I was around 4 and a couple when I was 24 that Kacey took. Tom liked the ones of me when I was little, but he said I was too anorexic looking in the ones Kacey shot. Of course, I think I looked fine. But hey, I was young and had never had kids. If Tom and I had had a kid, I’d be in the 150s. So I guess I better not bitch about being the 125 pounds that my body’s just come to be obsessed with being if I’m right about God standing by to make sure this inch/fat loss program doesn’t work.

They also sent a painting that I like cuz of its palm trees, but the hordes of fat black women kind of detract from that. I still have it in the living room, though.

There were two little stuffed dogs, a Minnie Mouse and Mickey Mouse magnet that’s so cute and on the fridge, and two bushels of pretty white carnations. I’ve got those on top of the fridge in that old vase from Tom’s mom with desert plants painted on it.