We screwed yesterday, which was a fun and pleasant surprise since I didn’t think we would. Naturally, he didn’t cum and a little bit of me was surprised he didn’t. He’s due to again, and also, it’s safe, if you catch my drift (he’s not totally convinced I’m sterile). He also believes I’ll call the doctor, go through the testing, and be fixable, and handle motherhood. It’s nice to know he believes I’ll do, succeed, and survive.

Yesterday I also changed his colors and decorated his world for him. I did it mostly in blues. 

As usual, my allergies are going off. Again, as long as I have the mice and don’t smoke, I’ll just have to live with it. And with being fat, too. If I lost weight and dropped the allergies, there’d just be something else. Maybe I’d get more headaches, or maybe I’d get more colds myself.

Tom finished the pool yesterday. The second coat looks great. The only glitch in it is the areas he filled in where the plaster was chipped. It’s kind of bumpy. Even so, it looks a million times better than it did.

He also got a “real” paper cutter. Great, cuz the little one we had was a real piece of shit. He got a really cool idea for making journal covers, but I’ll get into it once I’ve done it.

I tried calling Dad yesterday, but he was at the store, so I left him a happy birthday message.

Tom and I also scanned and attached to my email to them that picture that may be Papa Joe, but Dad said he couldn’t bring it up. Well, I got this message after Tom crashed, so I’ll ask him what advice I should give them when he gets up.

I beat the clock again and wasn’t woken up by any stereos. Going to bed during the daytime, weekend or not, will always be stressful. First I had to worry about the freeloader, but now I have to worry about the whole fucking city. Also, for the second time in a row, I woke up after that dreaded 4th hour and couldn’t go back to sleep for a while. And without Benadryl, I would never have fallen back asleep. This is OK, though, cuz it just extended my sleep. Yesterday I got up for good at 8 PM and this time at midnight. I should be set for my appointment with Melanie. Can’t wait!

He told me he hasn’t seen anyone next door and felt that maybe they were gone. As in moved. Nope, I told him. I’d have vibed that for damn sure and later saw a white car (not the big one that’s played its music obnoxiously loud) come to pick them up. They were quiet, though, all I heard was a kid whining and some adult voices (female). They didn’t slam doors much and there was no music.

Now get this - as Tom was pulling out, he saw a little girl come out of the house where the guard dogs are and start shooting baskets. Why? I wonder. They have their own hoop. Tom said he thinks it’s cuz theirs is in back and she wanted to use one with concrete under it. If she wanted to use one with concrete under it, why not ask for their own hoop to be pulled up front on their driveway? Theirs is movable, unlike the freeloaders. I think it goes more like this - the bitch had a talk about me with the people there, and together, they coaxed this kid to play ball for me. Possibly to try to bait me into doing something that could allow them to take legal action against me, as well as to bother me (but I slept right through the game this time).

Anyway, here’s what I say happened as far as the freeloaders go. They came to do some work around their house, and since he’s not supposed to be there, he took off for a while. So, if they’re all done doing whatever it was that they were doing around there, which I wish could be regular unannounced inspections to make sure he’s not in the picture, he’ll be back if he’s not back already.

Later…

God, I am so sick of this old house! The toilet handle jams, every door is coming off its hinge, and the faucets squeak, leak, and are hard to maneuver. I can’t wait until we move and have a newer place. I mean, I know that place will get old and need work too, but in the meantime, I’ll enjoy the break from everything being so old and fucked up.

Later…

I just got really hungry, so I had a beef patty. I’m eating as little as possible so I can maintain my weight. I just can’t starve in order to lose weight. I need to eat to live. But if I eat only when I’m really hungry, maybe I won’t go up any higher. It seems that after I peaked at 128 pounds, I hung at the 122-124 I have been for quite a while. So, if I’ve been where I am for as long as I have, I guess I’m gonna stay here. But there’s just no way, both due to my age and due to my not smoking, that I’ll ever be 100 pounds again. I’d have to starve, but I’d be dead way before I hit 100. If I started smoking right now, which increases the heart rate and metabolism, maybe I could get down to around 115, but not much lower. And since I don’t intend to start smoking again, I know I’ll never get below 120. Maybe, just maybe I could force my way down to 115, but I couldn’t hold it. It’d just soar back up to the mid-120s in no time at all. So, right now I’m dealing with getting my mind to accept the fact that my thin days truly are over and that I’ll always be at least 120 pounds, no matter what. I’ll just have to live with it and accept my body for how it is, be it cuz I’m short, cuz I’m fat, cuz of my ear, my sterility, my teeth, etc. There’s only so much we can do to change our bodies. I did manage to lose 4-6 pounds and that’s better than none, seeing that I was 128 and am now usually 122-124. I knew I’d be in the 120s when this began. I “saw” it. I don’t sense or see me getting into the 130s so that’s good. I’m pretty sure I’ll stay right where I am indefinitely.

Later…

I am so pissed off! It’s only 9:15 in the morning, I’ve only been up for 9 hours, and I am soooooo tired. Trying to stay up till 5:00, 8 more hours, seems impossible. I’ll go grab a bite to eat and see if that perks me up. I had some coffee with caffeine, too.