I have been dragging all day. I didn’t sleep bad last night so the only reason I can think of for my being tired all day is the usual problem I’ve had the last few years. Yeah, you guessed it. That evil perimenopause. Hopefully, I’ll have more energy tomorrow so I can get more done. I didn’t even work out today. I was so tired that I was sure I could take a nap, but when I lay down I couldn’t sleep. I just laid there. That was better than nothing, though, and it’s days like this that I’m glad I don’t work outside of the house.

Mometasone. That’s the cream I’ve been switched to. So far so good, but it took a while for the other stuff to cause inflammation, so we’ll see.

I’m so frustrated with Pinterest because they regularly delete some of my pins due to copyright issues. As they say, the complaint isn’t directed at me but the person I got them from. It isn’t so much Pinterest I’m frustrated with but the damn people who post the content to begin with and assume it will never be copied or pinned or whatever. Like it or not, when you post content online it’s fair game to whoever. If you don’t want your stuff copied, shared or pinned, then don’t put it out there in the first place! But since I don’t share my boards with anyone in particular, I made the ones I still update private. Maybe that will stop them from deleting what I pin, but maybe not, since they’re going to delete it from whoever initially shared it against copyright regulations. If someone specifically asks me not to share or pin anything of theirs, then sure, no problem.

The 3-D kitty sticker for the back of the toilet lid arrived today. It really would have been nice if they hadn’t folded it because it put a crease in it that’s still visible even after smoothing it out with a roller. It still looks adorable, though.

I don’t know when because we have so many other expenses coming up, but we would really love to get a couple of these unicycles someday. Not sure why they call them unicycles since they have two wheels, but I love the way they self-balance and the way you lean forward to go faster and backward to slow down. They would be so much fun to use around the park. It just may be a little scary going down some of the hills at 12 miles an hour, especially with the speed bumps. Love the built-in Bluetooth speaker and lights it has as well. This would be especially useful not for exercising but for going down to the pool or the clubhouse. If I got something bigger and bulky like a Segway, I would have to leave it outside. But with this retractable handle and the thing being lightweight, I could take it with me inside the clubhouse as well as the pool area. Damn, though, I could’ve really used something like this when I was single.

Tom was telling me that his Indian co-worker, one who was recently diagnosed with thyroid issues and has to go on the same medication I’m on, and who I hope isn’t nearly as sensitive to stimulants as I am, is house-hunting. She not only says one of the things she misses about India is the crowds, but that the crowds here are nothing compared to there. I’m just the opposite. I hate crowds. I miss the laid-back atmosphere of Maui. While I don’t miss the climate in Klamath Falls, I miss how few people were there and how little traffic was there as well. Traffic jams are unheard of up there.

Anyway, the Indian lady was complaining that everything is so old and that she doesn’t want anything from the 80s. As a modern freak, I can relate. My 34-year-old house is certainly younger than most of what I’ve lived in during my life, but it’s getting old. Since I think we’ll move sometime between 2020-2025, I really hope the next place is no older than about 20 years. The next move could be the last move we’ll ever make and I don’t want things getting too old and needing to be replaced before we die. Who wants to deal with having to get a new roof when they’re in their 80s? Especially since we don’t know how much money we’re going to have and what things will cost in another 20-30 years.

We were lucky enough to dodge a huge car expense. The car was acting funny on the way home, he said, and the engine light came on. So he looked up the code for this Cadillac and year and found that it’s likely a hose leaking air, but nothing dangerous or expensive. The hard part is going to be finding the hose that’s leaking. Hopefully, this car won’t give us too much trouble until we move, then we’ll upgrade to something newer.

Had a mix of strange dreams last night. Someone was showing me around somewhere, including what they called the “rodent room.” Along one wall in the room were a bunch of glass tanks with small critters.

Then I was in a lake somewhere. I looked down through the water and could see a couple of rows of colorful wooden boats sitting along the bottom about 20’ below me.

Then the lake turned into a swimming pool where I started to do a somersault. I was only able to move in slow motion and I seemed to be stuck upside down for several seconds. I felt myself beginning to run out of air and I pumped my arms to the surface quicker. Once I broke through the surface I saw Alyssa hanging around a few feet away chatting with a couple of women. I didn’t know if she recognized me. They all went to hug each other and I joined in, saying something about a group hug. No one protested, LOL.

Later…

That’s the third or fourth time I’ve heard that fucking car in the three hours I’ve been up. Please go back to work if your fucking house isn’t going to sell anytime soon! I am so fucking sick of hearing that thing roar by!

A black lawyer posted and then deleted a call for Trump's assassination. Ah, but she won’t be arrested or have to pay for it in any way. We all know that it’s perfectly okay for blacks to threaten whites, not that I don’t want the same assassination she does. It’s never going to happen, though. It already would have if it was going to. The bastard’s safe.

So much for saying I have been sleeping better. Where yesterday I had fatigue and dizziness, today I was waking up constantly and having trouble falling back asleep. And of course the ear pain and the female itching. A little bit of fatigue and dizziness today too, but I’m not going to let it stop me from going out for a walk when it cools down this evening.

I’m just so tired of suffering! The health issues are slowly mounting and I’m afraid it’s just going to keep on going. I don’t understand why the allergies and the CRD weren’t enough. Why did I have to get all these other things too, that are a bitch to manage and that can never be cured? I totally dread getting old. If I’ve got all these issues in my 50s I hate to think of how I’ll be in another 20 years. A part of me hopes for a surprise heart attack before I get that much older. I just hate to leave Tom alone. It’s tough either way because I don’t want him to be the one to go first and leave me to have to commit suicide and hope I don’t fuck it up and turn myself into a vegetable, but I don’t want to abandon him either. Not saying I’m depressed, but you could definitely say that I’m losing my enthusiasm for life. I’ve become so bored lately even though I have just as many things I could do. But it’s almost all sitting at home alone at the computer, so life isn’t always very exciting. I feel like I don’t have many new things to look forward to at this age

Anyway, I was hot flashing my ass off last night and after just three hours of sleep I woke up. I checked in with Tom on Skype and then I took a couple of ibuprofen for my ear. I also grabbed a bite to eat. I then decided I would lay in bed until I was going to get up anyway, and I managed to doze on and off until 1:30. The break in sleep ended up jumping my schedule by three hours but I should still be okay for labs on the second.

The vivid display of perimenopausal symptoms I’ve endured the last couple of days alone is enough of a sign saying that menopause is not around the corner anytime soon. I’d be willing to bet that by my dentist appointment I’ll have a period. And hopefully, it will flush off the water I’ve been carrying for over a month now, too. If there is a God I totally hate Him for allowing me to suffer like I have the last three years with no apparent end in sight. The only good is that I might have gotten a handle on my anxiety but I don’t want to get my hopes up with that either. Took my meds today and while I haven’t been “stabbed” in the chest with anxiety, I’m not exactly calm either.

There’s also a part of me that’s hoping that they call to tell me I have an infection because that would be easier, but I don’t want to have to take antibiotics. More than likely it’s caused by the autoimmune disease if not from all the years of shaving.

That car left at the beginning of this entry and now it’s coming back. Do they actually WANT to be annoying? I still don’t understand where someone could possibly need to go half a dozen times a day, and this isn’t it. It’s not even 5 o’clock yet, so there’s no way they’ll be in for the night. No change in the price of the house but it’s dropped favorite so now it’s only got 29. I would really love to know if they got evicted and if they’re on a timeframe for selling the house. I personally don’t think it’s going to go this year.

I guess that’s all I have to bitch about for now. Now I go battle a night of pain, fatigue, itching and dizziness and wonder what the point of living is.