The AC people will be out tomorrow to replace the broken capacitor or relay or both. Thank goodness too, because we’re really having some record heat here. It’s going to be 100° today and 109° on Friday. Not looking forward to the money the repair is going to cost, but definitely looking forward to the peace of mind it will bring not having to worry that it’s going to crap out and I’m going to keep having to reset the compressor.

Last night I dreamed Tammy was getting married, though I don’t know to whom. For some reason, I was late getting ready for the wedding and didn’t have time to brush my hair out. I quickly threw on the pale pink dress I recently bought, figuring that would make me look presentable enough, and threw my disheveled curls in a ponytail.

Then I was in a lake with a strong current. I was swimming with a handful of others a couple hundred feet from shore when I noticed a drop-off a couple of hundred feet in the other direction. I knew it was a waterfall. I said something like, “If I just relax my body the current would carry me over the waterfall.”

Some woman nodded and said, “It would be very beautiful but dangerous.”

Not wanting to get dangerously close to the waterfall, I swam toward shore until I could touch the bottom.

Then in the last dream, some woman was trying to convince another woman that her diamonds were fake. She pulled out some real diamond earrings and was trying to get the woman to see them and the difference in them while my rats were trying to get her to see them. Creeped out by them, she tried to move away and lose their interest, but they kept following as I stood nearby laughing.

Since when does being tired mean I have to feel lightheaded as hell, like I can’t breathe in enough air, and then aggravate my jaw arthritis on top of it all? Damn, was yesterday a shitty day! I am just so, so fucking sick of having something nearly every single fucking day of my life. If I’m not tired I’m anxious. If I’m not lightheaded I’m in pain. Why can’t I go more than just a day or two without issue? Damn, do I miss my mind and body from before 2014! But yeah, I felt like shit yesterday that all I wanted to do for the most part was lay in bed depressed. I don’t understand why at least once a week I’m up for so long and then only sleep a few hours which leaves me tired throughout the day. Why does my body wake up too soon if it needs more sleep? And why does lack of sleep have to leave me feeling so shitty? Why can’t I just be tired when I’m tired and leave it at that?

I would have wondered if the latest steroid cream was responsible for some of the lightheadedness, but the lightheadedness returned on the 11th and I didn’t see the GYN until the 15th. So far I’m glad to say that I’m not going to be the first to have issues with this stuff. Tomorrow I will be dropping down to 2 treatments a week.

I’ve taken Dr. G’s advice to let my pussy “breathe” and so I go pantyless whenever I’m wearing a dress or a nightgown and am indoors. Personally, I’m so fucking fat that I don’t notice much of a difference.

This is day #4 of taking my meds daily. After 10 hours of sleep, I can definitely say that I feel better today, though not perfect. I’m a touch lightheaded and anxious. I feel better now than I did earlier in the morning. I’ve been able to get more done today. I walked down to the lake, worked out on the Bowflex, and now I’m editing.

As usual, I’m avoiding Facebook for the most part not just because I’m tired of the spam in the newsfeed and the lack of privacy, but I’m tired of the same old shit. With Becky and Sarah it’s their wonderful daddy, with Norma and Lori it’s nothing but negative political rants. With the other Becky, it’s that and food. Right now my favorite poster is Elisabeth because she posts mostly nature and animal pics as does Kim. Tammy doesn’t post much and when she does it’s usually related to mom and dad, angels, or some accomplishment or catastrophe the girls have gotten into. I usually don’t follow superposters much like Adonis and Polly. Polly’s an older lady living in New Zealand. We met through PB. I like most of Marie, Irene, Christine and Mitch’s posts. They don’t post too little or too much. I sometimes question the sincerity of Eileen’s friendship. I know she has her own life, but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t really want to be friends but doesn’t have the heart to let go either. I don’t follow Maria much because it’s all about angels and her pestering me to share memes to “show I care.” If you need to validate your friends like that, then maybe you shouldn’t be friends with them in the first place.

I’m starting to really ramble. It’s easy to do with speech-to-text and when you couldn’t do much yesterday because you felt too shitty. My hatred for any possible God out there who has been sitting back and letting me feel like this for so long is indescribable. I’ve done nothing but suffer 80% of the time we’ve been in this house.

Why has it taken the guy diagonally in the back of us eight minutes to mow the tiny strip of grass that runs alongside his place? And he’s not even done yet. Now it’s been nine minutes.

As expected, the pickup is back at the Twenties, so I’m in the bedroom to avoid the door slamming, even though this time it was parked alongside their place and now its rear end is backed into their driveway. Still don’t know what they’re doing there. The ladder is still extending up to their roof, too.

Anyway, I felt so shitty yesterday that I couldn’t write about Sunday, so I’ll do that now. Early in the morning, we went to Walgreens and got ourselves some candy.

A few hours later we went back out to Goodwill and that was the first time he found something and I didn’t. He got a $5 telescope.

After that, we went to Walmart where just like at Goodwill, music was blasting throughout the store. It’s better than screaming kids, but still… we go there to shop, not listen to music. We picked up a skinny pressure curtain rod that you put in the window for light curtains or valances. You don’t need any hooks or brackets. The rod presses against the sides of the window casing like some shower rods do. We put the rod in front of the rod that holds the valance in the kitchen window so we could string solar toys across it. Not all of them move as easily as I would like, but it’s still pretty cool.

The most exciting thing we got was something we’ve been wanting for a long time and that’s a no-oil fryer. It was something like $72. It uses very little to no oil at all. He’ll be taking tomorrow off to deal with the AC guy and after he leaves we’re going to go grab some fries and other things to make in it. So much for my diet. Yeah, it’s been off to a horrible start. I know that I would not only look better if I lost weight but most importantly it would really help with overall flexibility. It’s just that I still not only hate to be hungry but I hesitate to invest so much work in losing weight that will come right back.

I also wonder if I should invest so much time and work in sites that may disappear, but it’s a fun hobby of mine to backup journals on them either way. I still wonder if they’ll ever be discovered after I’m dead, whether I make them public or not. I would think that in hundreds of years from now people would try to break into private diaries figuring that the person is so long dead so there’s no privacy to invade anymore.