Just purging my brain of random thoughts, speculations and ideas that have been popping into mind tonight. Sometimes I just need a place to dump it all, even when it’s not necessarily negative stuff. It’s like the brain gets overloaded at times and I feel the need to spill it onto paper, or in this case, my journal.

For the longest time, I got it in my head that there is no one like Aly, and despite her lies and bullshit, I would never have another cyber friend like her. In some ways, this may be true, but then I realized, I do have cyber friends I’m in touch with regularly. Maybe not every single day and maybe not on more than one site, but they’re regular enough friends. I think I just had a different mindset when I first met Aly nine years ago. Cyber relationships of any kind were still a relatively new thing back in 2008.

She, Kim and Molly have reminded me how unpredictable people can be. One can appear to be such a sweetheart and as sane as can be, only to end up going crazy on you. I can’t help but think about some of my current cyber friends and wonder… will I one day say something that sets them off and into stalking me for years? Either way, I’m going to live my life and not worry about what might happen. I just keep in mind that anything could happen.

As I said before, if there is any kind of an afterlife, the possibilities are endless. In some ways, I equate death with abduction. Death is like being brought to the final room you’ll ever be brought to, like a “pickup” area, in which anyone can pick you up, take you anywhere, and do whatever they want to you. Once you die, your soul/fate is out of your hands. Good or bad may happen to you, be it in some whole ‘nother world, dimension or in another incarnation. Any amount of emotional and physical suffering could be inflicted upon us. This is why I hope there isn’t any kind of an afterlife. Tom says he doesn’t worry about what he has no control over, but for me, that’s easier said than done. I still say an afterlife is unlikely, but how can I know for sure? And how can I know I won’t be damned to eternal suffering?

Another thing that shoots the reincarnation theory is, what if people become extinct as I believe they will one day, probably due to war? When there are no more people to be reincarnated into, where does your soul then go? To an animal? Something else?

If my parents reincarnated as humans, I suppose they’re little kids now, assuming there isn’t any kind of a waiting period between lives. I’ll bet if I looked up this waiting period thing, there would be plenty of people so sure that they have the answer to that question.

So if my parents are children now, is my mother a little Iranian girl getting her ass beat every day? Is my father a pampered little boy in Canada?

If there’s an afterlife that doesn’t entail reincarnation, where/what is it? Are there invisible spirits just floating around the Earth? Could my grandmother be standing next to me looking over my shoulder and reading this entry right now? Are these spirits on other planets? Other galaxies? I wonder if I’ll ever have the answers to some of these questions someday, and how I’d feel about those answers if I ever did. Will they make perfect sense? Will I like the answers? Or will I find them disappointing and unsurprising?

The more I think about why Scott blocked me, the more I think it’s about power and control. Scott’s the type that would choose to react rather than ignore someone. I think that once he saw that there was nothing he could hang me with in my message, his next best option was to insert some power and control by shutting me out, not that I ever would have contacted him again. Yeah, I love it when people block you when you’ve got nothing more to say anyway. Maybe if I said something as simple as, “Hello. I hope you’ve been well all these years,” he probably wouldn’t have blocked me. But since I didn’t have nice things to say about his beloved hero cops, I can sort of see where a guy like him would consider that blockable.

Not much to update on at the moment. I’ve had itchiness in the outer ear canal of my fake ear, and the feminine itching is back as well, making me feel like the steroid treatment was all for nothing.

Two of the stickers I ordered arrived and I’m not at all impressed. I didn’t realize that the sunflower was literally 3-D. Its petals are made of silk. Therefore it can’t go on my desk. Instead, it’s on the side of the bookcase. It kind of grows on you, though, and it is sort of cute.

The killer whales don’t look 3-D in person at all like they do online.

“Poked” Sarah on Facebook. Sure enough, the poke was never returned. I guess if you’re not a Bill-lover, you’re not worth the bother.