Back on Amberen I go. I decided to see how I did without it as we were wondering if maybe it was part of what was making my period so long and drawn out. Come to think of it, I did start the Amberen the last time I had a period 5 months ago. Just like the last time I stopped the Amberen, I’m extremely lightheaded. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be that way for the rest of my life if I don’t take it. When something goes on for so long I worry that it’s permanent. It just seems like I always get the short end of the stick in that things are always the hardest they can possibly be for me. My periods themselves got extreme at times and sometimes I wonder if anybody’s ever experienced such rough perimenopause. I hate to think of what childbirth may have been like for me!

I just hope my next period, and yes, there will be a next one, isn’t so long and drawn out with killer PMS for weeks and then weeks of mostly spotting. I’m sure I still have years to go with my shit luck. I did have more of a flow yesterday which relieved the water retention quite a bit, though I do still have some soreness in my boobs and I’m still spotting. The question is do I want to go back to the doctor for yet another appointment if it doesn’t stop on its own? I’m thinking no. I’m tired of all these appointments and I think it’s time I just learn to live with some things instead of running to the doctor for everything. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. It’ll either stop or it won’t. I trust my body to do what it thinks is best.

But yeah, things do have a way of returning to haunt me. It’s only a matter of time before the anxiety returns, and now that I’m off the steroid cream I suppose my crotch is going to be burning and itching soon.

I’m glad the freeway construction only lasted one night. Yeah, sometimes you can’t get any peace around here even at night. We’re only about 1000 feet away from the freeway so you not only hear the roar of traffic except for during the summer months but any nighttime construction can be heard easily in here.

I managed to do an hour of exercise yesterday. I did 10 minutes on the skier today but I’m not sure I want to hit the treadmill or the Bowflex to do additional time until I’m feeling less lightheaded. I’ve got laundry, editing and other things to do anyway. I already ran the dishes and ordered the groceries, so that’s done.

I tweeted directly to Aly and told her that I wasn’t sure if she wanted me tweeting to her not but that I hope she’s doing better. Also, she can feel free to tweet directly to me anytime she wants.

Again I had a series of interesting dreams, one of them not being any fun at all since the blacks were part of it. It seemed like the she-black and the he-black were lying on a hotel bed and she was trying to tell me about some tragedy she once went through all the while they had a pending court case against me. I’m not sure what the case was about but I was worried that even though I knew I didn’t make any threats to them they would still get me for six months to a year. Plus, I worried I wouldn’t be able to handle jail due to my health problems, knowing I would have to fight for weeks to get my meds. I played the sympathy card, telling her I was sorry she went through the trauma she went through in hopes of it getting her to drop her legal vendetta.

Then I had a dream I spotted Jim and said hello. He turned away from me angrily and I wondered why but didn’t ask him.

Then my dream self was sitting on a Hawaiian beach thinking how we lived in Arizona and should move to California because it was too easy to get in trouble for nothing at all in such a harsh state like Arizona. I sat gazing out at a nearby island and realized that I could swim to it, not that I wanted to. Then I got up and walked through an outdoor restaurant and into a restroom.

In the last dream, there were several people that wanted to buy our house. They decided to write their names down on a piece of paper and randomly pick one as the “winner” of our house, including the realtor, which I didn’t like because I felt that for some reason it would delay the sale from going through. Not sure who won, though.