Last night at 1 AM, I was sitting here listening to the loud whoosh of the freeway traffic. It’s always the same steady flow no matter what time of day or night. Where do so many people have to go so late at night?

Tonight, however, it’s almost 10:30 PM and dead quiet which means the wind is likely blowing in a direction it doesn’t usually blow in. I don’t hear the freeway, I don’t hear planes, I don’t hear anything. Just a heavy silence you almost never hear here. I could definitely get used to it, too. Wait, I do hear a plane now off in the distance and someone just drove by. Unless the plane activity picks up, it’s still way quieter than usual even for this hour. You usually can hear the freeway at all times except for the summer months.

Tom finally found the leak within the power steering fluid line and it is a substantial leak so he’s going to have to take it in to be replaced. So there goes another few hundred bucks. :-(

Anyway, our smart home isn’t very smart tonight. The Wi-Fi is having problems with the bathroom light because it’s too far away to get a good signal. It’s not just that, but along the wall, there are cabinets and the refrigerator, pantry and shower stall. So it’s like that wall is thicker even though it’s not. This weekend we’ll put the original bulb back in that light because the smart color-changing light isn’t very good there anyway. Even though I have bright lights over the sink and counter and the color-changing light was over the toilet, I would still prefer good lighting throughout the entire bathroom, and it’s a huge master bathroom, too. Also, with the dual toggle switch, it’s easy to accidentally switch the color changer off when switching the other one off.

I’m kind of tired and I’m taking the day off from working out. I slept shittily. I kept waking up and the fucking traffic didn’t help either. I probably won’t sleep well till after my appointment. Even when it’s simple, nothing little appointments, it still puts stress on me to aim my schedule for it, thus making it more likely for me to wake up either just because or due to noise. Tomorrow’s going to suck because the trash and recycling trucks are going to come roaring through, and Christmas is hit or miss with all the door slamming and motorcycles. The windows are ready but we need to schedule a time to have them delivered, then we’re going to install them, but that’s not something you do in a matter of minutes. The mural also arrived.

Aly and I talked about Kim’s living situation and she said she feels she may not stand up for herself or really talk to her sister about not defending her against her wife, etc., but if she pushes the subject she just gets mad at her. Well, if anyone knows how easy it is to get Kim to go off in a crazy manner, it’s me, so there isn’t much more I can do other than be a sounding board. It isn’t my place to get involved, and I don’t know how much she can stand up for herself since they do have custody of her, after all. I still feel bad for her. I know what it’s like to live with a toxic family and to not be defended by those you would think would be quick to defend you. Andy, Tammy or anyone for that matter, could walk in here and start bad-mouthing the shit out of me and Tom wouldn’t say a word. Not a single word. He’s always been that way but I’ve learned that bitching about it won’t change things. It’s just not in him to defend me like it is for him to defend others that I have a problem with. I don’t know why he’s been this way as it does seem rather backward but that’s just how he is. I guess his reasoning is that it won’t change things. Maybe not, but I couldn’t imagine just standing there if someone was verbally attacking him.

My lungs are a little tight (hopefully just because I’ve been getting carried away with the incense) and earlier I felt slightly off emotionally, but I wasn’t getting “stabbed” with waves of anxiety in the chest, so it’s nothing to go skipping my meds over just yet. OMG, though, I totally dread the return of the anxiety. The kind that’s plenty noticeable. It’s got to return sooner or later.

Just when I thought my period was done, here we go with the fucking spotting again. It never fucking ends!

Eileen asked for more of that horrible honey-vanilla incense I made so I’m going to be sending her that along with candy corn incense which I also don’t like. While I’m at it, I’ll send Tammy the rest of the magnolia incense she loves and a couple of others that were made for me. Midnight lover and juniper breeze.

Eileen insisted on paying for it but I wouldn’t let her, reminding her that once upon a time she helped save our Tier 4 asses from the second scariest time of my life.

Last night I had a dream about being in this three-bedroom ranch house I was moving into with God knows who. I was lying on the floor of the back corner room telling someone that I kind of liked that room. I said yeah, you could hear traffic in it but it felt more out-of-the-way or something like that. The woman said I could have the first available room as soon as we started moving in.

Then it was as if we were moving out of the house and not into it. Some guy was asking me about a key and I got up to search for it in the next room, unable to find it. On the other side of the bed, I noticed I had a pile of laundry on the floor that needed to be done, plus additional stuff I had yet to pack.