Instead of “ski blogging” I think I’ll just sit in the chair as I speak this entry. It’s just discouraging when you know that no matter what you do you’ll never lose a damn pound. I suppose I should do it for the other health benefits it has to offer, but maybe tomorrow. Besides, it’s my birthday and I’ve already done stuff I didn’t exactly want to do.

I made up a batch of mashed potatoes. I know I could’ve waited or asked Tom to do it but I didn’t want to wait too long and have the potatoes go bad since we’ve had them for over a week.

I also drained and dipped some incense, and being the messy pain in the ass that it is, I’m not sure it’s worth it, though I do intend to use up what supplies I’ve got left. The propylene glycol stripped off my nail polish and I had just done my fucking nails, too. The chemicals are messy and the blank sticks are dusty.

Trying not to fret over my appointment this morning and what medications with nasty side effects the doctor may be eager for me to try. I just have to remember she’s not my mother, this isn’t Valleyhead, and I do have the right to say no to any additional treatment I’d rather not deal with. I can go without statins because there are no symptoms until and if I have a heart attack or stroke. I can’t go without thyroid medication, however, or else the symptoms will be pretty tough to live with. No way I’m taking any more than what I’m already taking, though. Remember, I do gotta die someday anyway. I’d rather live another 10 years feeling good than another 20 being affected by side effects or at least worrying about them. Fewer drugs, less stress. Especially when it’s not a case of do or die at the moment. I’m still relatively healthy. Not as healthy as Tom but healthy enough.

Tom got the sound machine to play all night last night, but sure enough, it stopped after a while. I crashed around 11 AM and woke up at 5 PM. I was like, shit! This is too early. So I took lorazepam and slept until 8 PM. Even though I’m not eager to see the doctor, I’m so glad to have the schedule stress lifted for a while! At least till I see the dermatologist who will probably tell me she can’t do anything to help me.

I ran that Tracey B name that sent me that weird email and came up with others on Facebook who got the exact same message. Tom suspects it’s probably an attack on that person.

The windchimes are going off so it’s a windy night out there.

We replaced the kitchen ceiling panel that fell and broke and laid down the new eggplant rug and trimmed the edges. It’s a gorgeous shag rug and I love the color. Since we weren’t smart enough to laminate the floors except for the bedrooms, that’s the color carpet I think we should have chosen. It’s a beautiful shade of burgundy that’s not boring like brown and gray but dark enough to hide any stains. We’ll probably only keep it for a year or so and then install the same foam tiles that we’re now installing in the bathroom and laundry room. The only thing I don’t like about the rug is that the bot can’t handle it. So I will have to vacuum that room myself.

We also smart-switched the kitchen light by the refrigerator, and over my coloring station, as I call it. It’s the area that divides the kitchen and living room.

Saw that Aly’s getting out of the hospital soon, and you know what? I’m okay with it if she decides she doesn’t want to reconnect in the future. No hard feelings or anything, it’s just that I’ve done my part and that’s really all I can do. I apologized for my mistakes and the rest is up to her. Should I really have to prove myself to anyone anyway?

Couldn’t help but scoff a bit when she said she was hurt that no one contacted her to ask how she was doing. Well, when you push people away they can’t always contact you, can they? I would have gladly tweeted to her or texted her but she told me to stay away and so I’m respecting her wishes. I just think that’s something she should think about; people can’t be there for her if she won’t let them. :-) But I’m here for her to either contact or not contact. Like I said, it’s up to her. No one can make her decisions for her.

“Mr. Twenties” shared an adorable rat vid on my wall. I’ve watched it twice already. It’s as cute as my rat leggings that I’m probably too old and too fat for but don’t give a shit. I love them anyway and they’re so comfy.

I had a dream that I was in a hotel room that had two beds in it. A light-colored rat I’d never seen before came up to me and was so incredibly friendly. I just adored it right away. My rats were sitting on the other bed and I went to introduce them but to my dismay, Burke and Simon weren’t the least bit welcoming and Dumbo ran and hid. Rats usually get along with other rats but Burkey boy would probably attack. He’s just like that, I guess, a true bully at heart.