On the second, when I go to see the hematologist just to be told what I already know, I’m going to really wish I could go Munchhausen that day to make it worth it. From what I read about Munchhausen there are two different kinds. The mothers who make their kids sick or exaggerate their illnesses and injuries for attention, as well as those who obsess over their own health issues, be it fabricated ones or ones they exaggerate. These people are said to actually be willing and even eager to see doctors, have tests, and even surgery. Well, I will wish I felt that way on the second! I’m just sick of all the appointments but they are tapering off somewhat as I get better. It’s great to feel good physically and emotionally even if I’m not 100% perfect all the time. But then who is? The most important thing is that I feel good most of the time so it’s not all negative, negative, negative where my health, emotions and life are concerned.

There’s still plenty of negativity going on with Marie, though, but not with her physical health. Being the curious person that I was, even if I realized it may come back to haunt me and that I was basically stepping out of line by putting my nose where it didn’t belong, I couldn’t resist asking the “other” Marie that she dated in Oregon about what happened. The Marie I know has two nicknames that I know of, so I’ll refer to her as Jamie so it’s clear which Marie I am talking about.

Jamie said Marie cheated on her but Marie said she left her. Jamie was living in Maine with a girl named Laurie. Pretty sure they were just roommates but Laurie ended up throwing her out and I guess Jamie lost all of her possessions while she was at it. At this time, she met Marie on a dating site. Marie works for a lawyer and lives up in Corvallis. She sent her a plane ticket and Jamie flew to Oregon.

Marie made it clear to her upfront that she doesn’t smoke or drink and Jamie insisted she didn’t do that either. As soon as she told me this (she called me on Skype and sounded like a very sweet, sincere and sound person) I thought yeah, right. And I’m not short, I’m terrified of rodents and reptiles, and I suck at writing and languages.

Sure enough, Jamie was content to spend much of the time sitting on her couch drinking beer while she was working hard to support herself and this woman who swore she wanted an honest and lasting relationship now that she was getting older.

Now, I try to be as tolerant and empathetic as I can to those with mental disorders because after suffering from anxiety the way I did for a few years, I know what it’s like to feel like you’re losing your mind. But where I definitely draw the line and run out of tolerance is when it comes to bipolar people. Their emotions are way too intense and extreme. They change suddenly and drastically without much warning and I’m not talking about being just anxious or a little down. They get very angry and also paranoid. One minute you can be having an intelligent conversation with them and the next they want to kill you for something you have no idea about. Marie said Jamie would become very mean and angry and that while it isn’t that she doesn’t care for Jamie and wants her to succeed and get better, she simply couldn’t handle the constant negativity. She told her she needs to let go of the past and learn to love herself before she can love others, but Jamie’s now 50 and you’re pretty much set in your ways by that age. I’m really starting to believe that with the way she’s so stuck in the past to the point that it’s causing her to go off the deep end so often that she’s probably beyond help at this point even though I know she’s continuing to see shrinks and is on medication as well. I just don’t know what good it’s doing her. I guess only she can know that.

No one ever forgets past trauma they went through or the loved ones they lost, but is she or anyone else really doing themselves any good by dwelling on these things obsessively and as often as they do? I just don’t see how that’s very therapeutic. Again, it’s not that you forget or that you should “get over it,” so to speak but I think there comes a point when we all need to move on. Doesn’t mean she should forgive the mother who tried to kill her several times or the guy who molested her in foster care, but to dwell on them on a regular basis as I see her do quite often on Facebook is only holding her back. As I learned a long time ago, dwelling on the past can never change things. I know we all handle trauma differently but why some people get stuck in the past to the point that they can’t move on is something I don’t understand. I don’t have a degree in psychology. But something seems to be holding her back be it her own lack of will to move on or some kind of mental disorder. Jamie doesn’t seem like a sympathy junkie to me. I would think those usually prefer to seek sympathy for physical disorders but again, I’m no expert. Still, I don’t think it’s about her need for sympathy or anything like that. I think she needs to let go of her abusers and stop giving them the power to control her which is basically what she’s doing.

I told Marie that even though I didn’t know her from a can of paint, she was the one I believed. The more I’ve gotten to know Jamie, which is way better than I ever did when we were kids, the more I see just how messed up she really is. I am so SO glad she was too far away to get together with back in 2010 when we reunited online! Marie also said she got very obsessed with her as well. Also, one minute she would seem perfectly normal and the next she would suddenly say shit like, “Do you know what it’s like to have a million voices screaming in your head?”

Laurie said she had a split personality. As sad as it is, I don’t see Jamie ever changing and while I’ll always care about her, I’m glad she is not in my town! She’s back in New York living with her sister.

Marie and I both agreed not to tell Jamie that we discussed her as we don’t want to hurt her feelings. She said she’s not even in touch with her. She’s met someone new and she’s focused on her right now. So now Jamie is Shady Jamie with a new account.

I knew that Jamie was a serious cheater when she was younger which she herself admitted to, but this last decade or so I thought Jamie was just unlucky in love. After all, we all have areas in life that we’re unlucky in. But this has now happened enough times since 2010 for me to see that it’s obviously not always just the other woman who’s at fault. Jamie’s not as innocent as she may want others to believe. I knew she had to be doing something and figured it had to do with drinking, drugs or unstable emotions or a combination of these things.

Oh, another weird thing she said Jamie said was that she’s only licked pussy a few times in her life and something about that not really being her thing. Not only does she look, dress sound and act as gay as gay can get, but she told me just the opposite. Many times she said she loved to do that. Regardless, Marie said she told her she was gay and she was sure of that and preferred someone else who was sure of their sexuality as well.