Another shitty sleep. Was up for 21 hours and slept for 6. Woke up a million times just because and maybe once due to traffic. Tom may have accidentally found the solution, though, after half a decade of dealing with this shit! He was looking for something else on Amazon when he stumbled across these soft foam-covered speakers embedded in a headband that you wear to sleep, as well as earbuds especially made for sleeping. Well, I don’t want to get my hopes up but it’s looking like the earbuds may be the most promising. The headband is wonderful but that may slip easier than the earbuds may fall out. I just can’t use them in the fake canal because it’s not shaped right, so it’s a good thing I’m mostly deaf on that side. Now I have to figure out what device would be best and I’m thinking that I’ll test what nature sounds I have on Amazon Prime Music and compile a repeating list of the best song that I think masks bassy sounds the best. If I make a playlist with a track added over and over again until the amount of time equals longer than I ever sleep, then I shouldn’t have to worry about it turning off in 4-5 hours unless the connection hiccups.

Took Ibuprofen for the headache I woke up with when I got up a few hours ago. I hope it’s only due to shitty sleep and not anything else, as I’m absolutely exhausted! If this works, though, I wonder if I’ll stop waking up on my own so much. That’s part of why I’m so exhausted and not just because of others waking me up. But maybe if the stress of being woken up is off, I won’t wake up as much. I don’t understand why I can’t go back to sleep when I’m exhausted like I am now but I usually can’t.

The next decision is… do I still make an appointment with the sleep doctor anyway or wait and see if this helps? If I continue to keep waking up on my own or I continue to feel tired when I do sleep well, then I suppose I should definitely see him.

The only thing I hate about this time of year is that the fucking firecrackers start so far in advance of July 4th. As if the car stereos, muscle cars and planes aren’t enough.

Just finished roasting a fresh batch of peanuts. Maybe by the time we move the first smart oven will exist and we can just tell Alexa to preheat the oven and all that.

The drama queen called saying she hasn’t been online because she’s been having all kinds of testing and doctors’ appointments and asked if I would call Monday. I told her on Facebook I’ll call Monday morning. sighs I still don’t understand why she doesn’t use WhatsApp. Then we don’t have to talk live at scheduled times. I hate talking to her either way because it’s all about her health, God, and maybe Lisa, too. You know me… I’m not a people pleaser and I’m nobody’s liar just to “fit in” and avoid conflict. The last thing I want is conflict with anyone but if she brings up Lisa, I just can’t lie to her. I wish I could just like I wished I could tell Andy he was right and that I was just using my sleep disorder as an excuse just to get him off my ass because I was tired of him provoking arguments and feeling like I had to defend myself to keep the peace.

But again, I can’t lie to her. I don’t want anything to do with her crazy daughter should she change her mind or should Tammy decide to try to bring us together, so to speak. I worry my honesty will get me dumped but I would rather risk getting dumped by telling the truth than by lying and telling her I’m up for a connection my heart really isn’t into. She isn’t the dumping type, though. She’s hung up on me a million times but she doesn’t usually dump people.

Still, I get that Lisa was young and screwed up and that maybe she’s changed. But bipolar disorder doesn’t go away and it’s nothing you want to fuck with. They’re very VERY hard to deal with. It’s what Marie has. They can turn on you for any reason at any time, be it for something real or imagined, and there’s just no reasoning with them. Again, I loved Stuart. But enough to live there with my sister???

Later…

Tom’s finally feeling the jittery effects of prednisone, and guess who’s a little anxious?

Yesterday my lungs were surprisingly tight and I had to take a hit from my inhaler for the first time in a while.

Not at all happy to learn they extended the hours from 1 PM to 2 PM in which kids are allowed to be in the pool. What’s next? Are they going to let them move in here? Might as well since this place is so noisy during the daytime anyway. In some ways, this place is worse than the NHA. There, almost all the racket was from kids. Here, it’s all kinds of things.

The other night I dreamed my ENT was holding her baby who now has to be close to two years old. I said something about it being a girl based on all the pink it was wrapped in. She nodded and said, “Would you like to hold her?”

I said, “Sure,” and took hold of the baby who then began talking in complete and intelligible sentences.

In another dream, I was watching this really ugly woman sitting in a restaurant booth and holding this puppy that was dressed in this frilly “dress.” Then I realized she wasn’t in a restaurant like I thought she was but on TV instead and I figured she was on some weird show like Bates Motel or something.

Then I was swimming in a pool and a couple of gay guys were in the pool as well. I turned and floated on my back and felt so peaceful at the moment, never wanting to get out of the pool.

Next was a dream that Kim called me about being hit with one of the boards she broke in karate class and then she left me hanging on the phone to listen to some weird music.

Then I went to a convenience store and requested various items, then realized I didn’t have any cash on me which seemed to annoy the cashier.

Then Aly contacted me but I was having trouble seeing the device or maybe finding the device she was on.

Lastly, I had Alexa turn on a light in a large room with an office feel to it, and I then realized I felt very lonely.