Time to finally get caught up on all that’s been going on. I’ve now gotten my appointments out of the way and all my test results are back. The results range from great to mildly shitty to super shitty.

I was surprised to find Doc A had old-fashioned braces on. I always thought she had a nice even, white smile, and why someone would get braces in their 40s and the old-fashioned kind when they can probably afford the less noticeable kind, is beyond me.

Anyway, I updated her on the last half a year and presented my research to her. She finally seems to believe what I’m saying even if she doesn’t get it. I think it’s tough for a lot of people to really understand without going through it themselves. But as I told her, I had no history of anxiety prior to going on this medication. I’ve suffered all kinds of stress in the past if something bad was going on in my life, but not this particular kind of anxiety which is by far the worst thing I ever felt in my life. I explained how it comes and goes and that I believe that I’m not just sensitive to the medication but that when I have T3 flares, it seems to make things worse. I asked her about Liothyronine and Armour and she said what I was afraid she might say… that I would have to return to Doc O to ask her about those drugs.

After thinking about it I decided I’d rather not do that because I believe she would have mentioned these alternatives if she thought they were better for me. And this is a doctor who has never doubted me and always believed, known and understood that this medication can cause anxiety for some people. She’s the first doctor I ever saw who actually told me what was going on and didn’t brush it off as simple anxiety.

Like I told my PCP, I never could believe that a 48-year-old, which I was when it all started would suddenly up and become anxious for no reason at all. I could always tell that it was a chemical/physiological effect and not some sudden medical disorder or anything else. Furthermore, my estrogen levels now appear to be in the postmenopausal range, yes!!! This explains why a lot of the perimenopause symptoms have backed off. It also proves even more that I’m right about the medication being the culprit in making me anxious. The only thing I don’t get is why it comes and goes but I suspect it has to do with when I’m flaring, as Doc O pointed out. As long as my TSH doesn’t get in the single digits, then I don’t notice flares like I do when it gets lower. I thought my TSH would be around 10 or 11 and Tom guessed 15 or 16. He was right. It’s a 16 but I feel fantastic between 10 and 16. I can go down to about an 8, though, and I know it will push back down there soon enough because I don’t have a schedule in which I skip periodically or on certain days. I don’t skip until I absolutely feel the need to depending on anxiety levels. If I’m not anxious then I won’t skip. I thought about taking preventative measures and doing automatic skips but then decided that if I feel okay, why not take my meds? But yeah, eventually it’ll push back down again, I’ll flare, I’ll get anxious, and I’ll have to skip. So it may be something I’ll have to adjust like that as needed for the rest of my life and just go by how I feel.

T3 and T4 are normal.

The worst numbers were my cholesterol numbers. Some of them were normal but some were very high, so the ACV shots haven’t helped with that. However, they may be helping with my weight. It’s a little too soon to say for sure but it is down… without going thyrotoxic. So we’ll see. I’m also doing acupuncture for hunger as well as for anxiety in more depth than I had before. It really seems to help.

Since revamping my diet and cutting out sugar and going low-sodium, my blood pressure has improved tremendously and it was perfect!

At the end of the appointment, I did decide to mention the suspicious red spot on my shoulder blade and I guess it’s a good thing I did because the doctor quickly decided it was a precancerous lesion that needed to be sprayed with liquid nitrogen. I thought it would hurt but it actually felt like someone was spraying an aerosol can on my back that could have been air freshener or something. I haven’t had any pain or burning so much as I’ve had some itching. I took a Zyrtec for it before bed last night. So all I have to do for now is keep a bandaid on the spot on my back until it heals. I guess it will flake off in time, but I can take it off in the shower, she said.

Anyway, back to the anxiety. As I told her, I don’t want to take psych meds that also have side effects and that can stop working in time, and she’s okay with me using natural remedies for those anxious moments like teas and valerian root. Since things do change with time and age, I’m hoping my body will continue to get used to the medication and that I’ll have fewer anxious moments as I age and am on the medication longer. I asked her about valerian root and she said that would be fine and some people take that before bed to help them sleep.

This morning I saw my ENT who was quite chipper, and the first thing she said was about how bright and colorful I was. LOL, I usually am. I’m addicted to bright colors. I’m in citrus colors right now. An orange and yellow pantsuit my parents sent in their final year or two of life. Despite the millions of things I disliked about them, I definitely did appreciate them bailing us out of the streets 11 years ago and for sending clothes when we were broke. Clothes just weren’t a high priority for me back then anyway and I could practically carry my whole wardrobe in one arm.

So yeah, what I’m wearing is stylish and colorful yet casual and comfortable. Not sure it’s something I would have worn in my twenties, though. I was more of a mini-skirt kind of person back then.

So my ENT checked my good ear and said it looked perfect and that my bad ear wasn’t too bad. It only took her 30 seconds to clean it out. On my way out I mentioned Tom having trouble getting someone to see him about his ear. His regular PCP wouldn’t see him right away, plus he called the insurance and the patient advocate people, etc. She said she’d see him after he had a hearing test. She’s an awesome doctor so he would be in good hands. The mouthguard she recommended for my TMJ, which no one correctly diagnosed until I saw her, has helped my TMJ pain tremendously. :)

He just made an appt with the audiologist for the 14th. Anyway, now I’m appointment-free for the next 3.5 months until I see my dentist in September! Yay!

I’ve been noticing lately that it takes longer for me to pee. Just when I think I’m done, there’s a little more that trickles out a few seconds later. I guess that’s part of aging, though. Tom said he noticed this began with him about five years ago.

We haven’t gotten to the painting and the murals yet but we’ve prepped the walls and installed the new and very beautiful hall light. Not sure I would want it in a room that I use regularly because LEDs are so bright and it doesn’t have a solid cover. We don’t like globes, though, because bugs get in them.

When a fellow PBer shared screenshots of their Sims game, I thought it looked interesting and like something I may like so I went and bought Sims 4, plus their cat and dog package. I’ve heard of it before and I know it’s been around for many years but never really gave it much thought in the past. However, the more I checked into it by watching a YouTube tutorial, the more it seemed like something my creative and artistic side may like. Just barely got my feet wet with it, though, and it seems like a very complex game. I have a lot to learn yet, though I can tell it’s going to be fun creating all these different characters and giving them all kinds of identities and things to do. So far I’ve created one Sim and “Tonya” is looking good!

As for my two cents about the Colorado Baker who refused to do business with the gay couple, I’m mixed on that one. One should have the right to pick and choose their own customers but at the same time, I still believe that discrimination is wrong. I also believe that had the couple been black or Muslim, the Supreme Court would never have sided with him and he would be up shit’s creek. It doesn’t seem to matter that gays have never caused the kinds of trouble other groups have caused. Not every gay person is a saint but they still seem to be the most hated group of people despite doing nothing but fighting for the same basic human rights everyone else has. It’s pretty fucked up if you ask me. I still don’t see the harm in two consenting adults loving each other and I don’t think body parts should matter any more than hair or eye color. All that should matter is that the people are of age and no one is forced to do anything they don’t want to do.

When I read that they’re going to eliminate the swimsuit competition from the Miss America pageant, I thought, yeah right. Like they’re going to have contestants that are 200+ pounds if she’s a wonderful person who’s intelligent and charitable! That may be the way it should be, but society is still too obsessed with appearance for me to believe it. Why show it on TV then? I thought one of the reasons it was shown on TV was so people could check out all the different colors and styles of swimwear and evening gowns and all that.

The only dream I remember having recently wasn’t very good. It involved the black welfare bums. I guess they were taking me to court again. What was weird was that the four of us were waiting for the “case” to be heard somewhere and the black cock looked up at the sky as if trying to lighten the mood and said, “Wow, I’ve never seen two (some kind of bird?) before.”

I looked up and saw two identical cloud formations in the shape of a bird face. I asked Tom what it was and he said a (?) was a type of bird.

The black bitch said nothing the whole time and never even looked at me.