Tom is at the lab now because they want to check his kidney function.

So it was around 1 p.m. yesterday when I heard the beeping of someone punching the numbers on the door lock of the back door. My first thought was that Tom would have certainly Skyped me if he were coming home early for any reason, and since he hadn’t given me the slightest clue that he might be, I automatically assumed someone had figured out the code was breaking in. I began charging down the hall right as I heard the door actually being pushed open, ready to attack. But as I burst into the laundry room, I could see it was him right before I went to lunge and hopefully kill with my very determined and bare little hands.

After giving him one of those “you scared the shit out of me” and “why didn’t you Skype me?” routines, he told me he was officially put on a medical leave of absence.

Right away my mind couldn’t help but think of the dream I had the previous night of us needing assistance and ordering free food with the “gadget” the state gave us. Also, the “whiteout” dream where someone was saying they were going to white us out in which a lovely letter from the government soon followed to tell us they were stopping our unemployment before he got a job as we had been on tier 4. Plus, the “riot” dream.

The thing is that this time around we have 13 or 14 grand in our 401 and if we get unemployment if they choose to fire him or lay him off we should be okay for a while, unlike last time when we were left with absolutely nothing. Also, the economy is booming now so right now we don’t see how this could escalate into a crisis. However, the timing is interesting because it seems we only get one or two years off in between disasters. Well, even though I’m not totally over the issues with my medication causing anxiety and will likely be going back to Dr. O, I have been better for a couple of years now overall. So it would be about time for the next shitstorm, whatever it’s going to be.

It’s basically all about money. The company he works for is foreign-based and struggling to stay in business. They’ve already decided Tom’s going to be too expensive to keep on because of his health issues and all they care about is their precious premiums and deductibles and all that shit instead of a human being with health issues, so he thinks they’re aiming to fire him. They gave him a form in which he has to have a doctor sign saying that he can perform all the tasks listed on it. It looks like they tacked on the very last one on their little bullet list and that’s the one they’re most likely to try to use against him in the end. They’re trying to cover their asses since they can’t just fire him without going through certain steps first because that would be illegal. Tom is very smart and well-informed as far as his rights between basic knowledge over the years and what he’s researched and is doing his best to cover his ass and make it much harder for them to take advantage of him. Hopefully, he’s not being naïvely optimistic or missing anything because I can’t stress it enough when I said that after what happened in Arizona never again will anyone casually screw us over and walk away. If we get burned in a big way, you’re not walking and neither are we. So, if we’re really worth it to you and you don’t mind a lifetime of suffering, go ahead and screw us because you’re not walking away, and as I said, neither are we. No one will ever again get a free pass, legal or not, to turn our lives upside down. We’ve done our time being burned due to people’s incompetence, spite or greed. We may not be able to prevent it from happening in the first place, but we can and will fight back, unlike in the past. We’re through being “nice” and doing what’s easiest.

Sure enough, they failed to follow through with getting the MRI set up so while the ENT was kind enough to respond to his message on the portal and give him advice such as alternating between Tylenol and Ibuprofen when he gets any achiness, he had to play phone with them yesterday to schedule the MRI. He’ll be having an MRI with contrast on the 5th. Then he’ll see the ENT on the 11th.

At first, I was saying I wanted to beat the shit out of his bosses for giving him a hard time in the parking lot where he works because they’ve been deliberately making him do all kinds of difficult and unusual tasks, trying to get him to get fed up enough to quit. But then he pointed out that they’ve got our money so we need to play it smart. At first I thought he was talking about the 401 until he explained that he’s got three weeks of vacation time accumulated. I didn’t realize he still had that much. So even though he’s on a leave of absence he’s still being paid.

We don’t yet know if we’re going to stay in CA but my guess is that we probably will. Fortunately, we would be able to survive on minimum wage if he had to get another job and that was all he could get, which is currently $11 in California. His income would almost be cut in half that way, but you know what? As long as we have enough for the necessities, I don’t give a shit nearly as much as I used to about money. Money is always nice but it really isn’t everything. So if we don’t have extra money for fun stuff, fine.

The absolute worst thing that can happen as far as we know would be them finding something really bad on the MRI and him having to go on disability which would mean we would be broke and forever trapped in this state. Fortunately, however, this is as unlikely as us hitting the lottery. For now, we don’t know exactly what’s going to happen or when.

Dr.O responded to my message and said that I could feel free to make an appointment and discuss the option of Liothyronine, though I may still have to take Levothyroxine as well, just less of it. I never thought I’d say this since she’s a bit of a scary tyrant at times and parking in downtown Sacramento is a nightmare, but I’m excited to see this incredibly knowledgeable and helpful endo again and see if I can finally stop the anxiety I still get at times. The sleep doc can wait. I slept wonderfully last night, BTW. I usually sleep better at night anyway, but yeah, I slept so well I don’t even remember my dreams.

As I told Dr. O, this kind of anxiety doesn’t usually include a racing heart unless I go flaring. It’s just this horrible underlying feeling in the chest that’s a truly God-awful feeling and I don’t want to have to play this game where I get that and then have to skip doses here and there and never have ideal numbers. Then again, and as I’ve always said, the numbers are meaningless to me. It’s how I feel that matters. I skipped my poison today and yesterday, so when I start it tomorrow I should be okay for a few weeks or so before it gets me again as it builds back up in my system.

That’s all I can say for now as I expect to be pretty busy in the upcoming weeks as we go through whatever changes we’re going to go through. He’s still going to look for a new job regardless of what his employers end up doing because it’s a shitty place to work, he’s underpaid, and he doesn’t expect them to stay in business until he retires. My guess is that the next job will underpay him too, because he doesn’t seem to be meant to be paid fairly anymore than I’m meant to sleep normally. The average hourly pay is now almost $25. He’s at almost $19 an hour. If he can get $21 - $22 an hour, that’s still an improvement. I was really hoping he wouldn’t have to go through this shit again, though, with just six years left to work.