Tom and I were having fun exchanging goofy and mostly senseless predictive texts via Skype while he was on break.

So yesterday I felt sad but not guilty about my nieces deleting and ghosting me and then me deleting Tammy and blocking them all. My conscience is clear in that I honestly and truly don’t believe I did anything wrong this time around other than express myself in a way my nieces disagreed with. This doesn’t mean I don’t care for them. I just think they get a little selfish at times but then again I suppose we all do. I sent an apology for the confusion over the offending post but if that’s not good enough any more than the letter I had Tammy give Lisa a while back then I don’t know what else I can do. I still don’t think I said anything wrong so much as something they didn’t like.

Sometimes I wish Tammy had boys instead of girls. Maybe there would be less drama that way.

Even so, I felt a bit sad at the thought of never being in touch with Tammy again so I sent her a message letting her know that I’m fine with the girls avoiding me and me avoiding them. It may be better that way as they are who they are and I am who I am. If we’re not in touch then I don’t have to worry about seeing anything of theirs that triggers bad memories for me, and I don’t have to feel like I’m walking on eggshells with every little thing I say and any of it being taken the wrong way. I would still like to know what’s going on in their lives and Tammy is welcome to fill me in if she wants to. It’s totally up to her and like I told her, she can either tell me to fuck off forever or we can carry on as sisters. I will be okay with whatever she chooses. So the email is sent and the rest is up to her. :-)

Another thing I told her is that I’m very glad she was able to make amends with dad, Larry and Bill in the end, and I can usually move on with a sincere apology. But some offenses are just too huge and made even huger when the person doesn’t even realize they did anything wrong and therefore can’t and won’t apologize.

Okay, enough of the family unless anything happens.

It feels so good to finally be starting to catch up on my sleep and to have more energy. I just wish I didn’t have the lightheadedness I’ve been having as well as faint underlying traces of anxiety. See, I still think the root cause is the medication and flares. My numbers say I’m officially menopausal so that’s out of the equation now. Therefore, I decided to message my old endo and ask about Liothyronine. I explained to her that I didn’t want to waste her time until I spoke to her about it as my PCP recommended. If she thinks it may be a better option for me then I’ll schedule an appointment. I have a feeling she’s going to have her nurse call and say Liothyronine isn’t a good idea.

Anyway, I’m enjoying my energy while I have it since most days it seems to be hiding from me. We went for a bike ride early this morning and I was exhausted for a couple of hours afterward. Trying to navigate a cruiser that is heavier and gearless up and down these hills is quite an exertion.

We have a small fence on one of the street corners that’s old and falling down. We’re going to replace it with one of those vinyl things that sort of looks like a partition. Tom said he’ll show me online what he has in mind later on to get my approval on it. I’m sure it will be lovely. Anything will be nicer than what’s there. He also wants to replace the gate back there because he doesn’t like standing outside the back door and being able to see both the street in back and in front. With the way traffic is here and so many loud vehicles these days I regret being on the corner. Then again, if we had a neighbor there that had a motorcycle that may not be much better.

Bob and Virginia’s beautiful magenta butterfly tree is starting to bloom in front of their place which I can see from the kitchen window. It’s gorgeous. I absolutely love those trees and they’re one of my favorites around here. The cherry trees are lovely when they’re in bloom in March and April but then they turn into these ugly maroonish-brown things.

I was also able to work out on the Bowflex, and I even started working on one of my stories again yesterday. Doing some cleaning and soon I will work on my story some more. Maybe update my voice journal as well.