Bing is still giving extra points and the news is still full of the same old shit. The usual thugs, drugs, threats and war. Black guy goes on a shooting spree, Iran makes its usual threats, Trump’s pissing people off, etc.

What pisses me off the most is that Kentucky is on the verge of making virtually all abortion illegal as I fear will ultimately happen in most of the country. I know it shouldn’t bother me because it doesn’t affect me personally but I can’t help but feel bad for the women it does affect. It infuriates me for two reasons. First of all, abortion isn’t “murder” any more than pulling up a weed. Secondly, it should be no one’s business but the woman who’s pregnant. Who the hell are others to make other people do what they would do in the same situation? Why should others be forced to go by what they believe in and what they think is right? Why can’t they just not get an abortion if they don’t want one and leave everyone else alone?

I swear, if it becomes illegal, then I hope to hell those who survive self-abortions place their dead fetuses on the lawmakers’ doorsteps and say, “This is what you made me do.”

Another thing I don’t get is…we’re living in a time - and the US isn’t the only country that’s become this way - where fewer women than ever are having kids and are being pushed into skipping families and being little workhorses, yet they don’t want them getting abortions? Sorry, people, but you can’t have it both ways. You can’t pressure women not to have kids and then prevent them from aborting one when they want to. Really, you want them to work but you don’t want them to have abortions? WTF is wrong with some people?

While I’m on a rant, let me bitch about the injustices and twisted laws we’ve got. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m watching true stories of true stalking cases and it mystifies the shit out of me how despite being vindicated in the end, I could be charged with attempted stalking over a fucking letter while others get away with so much, and these are true stalkers. Genuine, real, honest-to-god stalkers. You know, that follow their victims, peak in their windows, throw firebombs into their houses, make every threat they can every chance they get, slash their tires, and so much more. Yet until something really bad happens, the victims are often told by the police…there’s nothing we can do, it’s probably just kids playing around, these things usually blow over, blah blah blah.

Bet they wouldn’t be so quick to say that if the victim was black. Yet there I was, once upon a time, someone who never actually did anything and she practically gets crucified.

Can’t deny that these women reacted differently than I would if I were in their shoes. They mostly reacted with fear which is probably why the bastards picked on them in the first place. They prey on fear like vicious dogs.

Knowing me, though, I would fly off into a rage and become pissed as hell as soon as I was provoked or threatened. I would rather be in jail longer while knowing I permanently terrorized them out of my life or took theirs than put my trust in our joke of a system, see them maybe get locked up for barely 5 minutes, then have to worry about them repeating their behavior once they were free again.

I try to appreciate the good things in life but sometimes it’s hard and I get frustrated and I can’t help but vent and rant like I am right now about life being so unfair and fucked up. I suffer while some psycho or stalker is in perfect health. I had to lose half a year of my freedom and thousands of dollars simply because the person I was supposed to have threatened was black while others can go a hell of a lot further than just words on paper and actually do dangerous things and get away with it (without being provoked like I was). I have to sit and listen to insanely loud vehicles but I can’t paint my house certain colors if I wanted to. People are happy with their pets while I sometimes wonder if I would have been better skipping the rodents. I don’t regret the betta at all. Then again, I know you can’t compare rodents to things like dogs, cats, birds and fish because rodents are naturally much timider. The guinea pigs do relax in my arms and let me cuddle them once I get them out of their cage but they don’t usually let me just pick them up without giving me a run for my money first. The rats are still very fidgety and often run when I approach the cage, especially Woody.

I know I shouldn’t take it personally because they’re hardwired to be as they are but it still gets a bit insulting at times. I just can’t help but feel that way because we treat them so well. I don’t know that I could go so far as to say I’m sorry I got the pigs but I do kind of regret the rats. Tom’s so sure that they can be trained, especially Fuzzy, but he still doesn’t seem to get, regardless of how many rats we’ve had that have shown this, that there’s only so much of a rat’s personality and behavior you can change. Just because they can learn things doesn’t mean they’re going to behave the way you want them to. Even a woman in a video I watched said that just because a rat’s been handled before and has never been hurt by the person doesn’t always mean they’re going to want to be handled in the future. None of the really good rats we’ve had in the past ever started off this timid. Ever. They’re either always timid or always friendly.

More bad news. Aly’s now suffering yet another problem (an ulcer), while Kim still has the same two problems she’s always had… She’s tremendously overweight, and she hates being treated like a child by her bossy SIL because she actually acts like one.

I dread the day I get whatever my next issue is going to be which I suppose could be anytime now. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if I didn’t even make it to 55 before the next problem surfaced. And let me guess…it won’t be deadly but it won’t be curable either.

My TMJ is bugging me now but that’s about it. I swear the outside of my ear is rotating downward even more but we both agree there’s no way it can literally get “out of place.” It can turn but not move down toward my neck or over toward my cheek. Still, couldn’t I have had two normal ears? Okay, so it’s better than missing a limb but it’s annoying enough at times. I can’t even fucking wear earrings for the most part, especially for pierced ears. Tom says that yeah, it’s a deformed ear but it isn’t disgusting or anything like that and the lobe is normal looking. To me, it’s gross and I hope my parents are rotting in hell, if there is such a place, for putting me through the unnecessary surgery in Boston so they could have a “normal” daughter.

Last thing to bitch about. Why is my Hotmail account getting hit with so much spam all of a sudden that’s making it into my inbox? It’s been coming in faster than I can block it. :-(

Ugh, I’m so pissed right now I wish some of these stalking cocks would tangle with me. They’d quickly learn that if you piss some chicks off bad enough, your extra height, weight, and the dick between your legs won’t save you.

Okay so now that I got all my ranting out of the way, I can move on. Tom went to Sam’s before I got up and one of the things he picked me up was a case of Seagram’s Escapes. It has six different flavored wine coolers. They have a lower alcohol percentage of 3.2% but they’re fattening. I only have one a day but today I may have two because it’s the weekend. Saturdays I pretty much do whatever.

We both ran out to Safeway earlier after changing the furballs’ cage.

Tom and I did a 15-minute low-impact workout vid together. Despite all the walking I do, I feel like I’m in shitty shape. I could still do more of it than he could. All the exercises were doable except for the burpees. They totally winded me and made my heart pound like my meds once did.

Last night I dreamed I was on probation. Martinez, or something like that, was the name of my male PO in this dream. One of the “assignments” I was required to do was write an essay about something. I laughed and told Tom about how simple it would be for me since I was a writer.

Then Tom and I were at some adult camp of some kind that was basically like a regular camp only you didn’t sleep in tents or cabins. Everyone had a room inside a building.

We were sitting in a room with dozens of other people and one of the staff members, a woman, was giving a speech about something and became threatening with some crazy rules, although I don’t remember what she said.

Not liking what I was hearing, I finally stood up and said something like, “Fuck this shit!” and stormed out of the room. I knew everybody heard me, including the staff member, so I knew there would be a risk of us being kicked out.