Only I could have approximately 1200 calories as I did yesterday and be active for nearly an hour just to find myself up half a pound the next day. rolls eyes Oh well. My body must feel it needs the extra weight then. I just don’t know why. Since cutting back doesn’t bring me results, I’ll just aim for 1500 cals a day. No use in putting myself out for nothing. Still gotta watch my sodium and cholesterol intake, though.

Listening to the distant thump of bass. I’m not kidding when I say adult communities aren’t any quieter than the mainstream. You don’t get barking or screaming kids but you get plenty of other shit to make up for it.

Asked Carolyn if they still plan to complain about the loud car punk and they said they do plan on it, but that Jon has been sick with a cold and flu. Heard the shithead at 6:45 yesterday morning and because I only heard them once between that time and when I crashed a few hours later, it was pretty obvious that they didn’t come in for breakfast and that they stayed here overnight. Maybe they think they can get away with things if they don’t stay overnight every single night. They seem to work from 7-3 at least part-time. I don’t know why so many young people don’t want their own place despite this country’s push for independence. It’s been this way for quite a while now with so many millennials wanting to remain big kids forever. They seem to really lack ambition.

I’m still not going to bother to pursue the bastard myself other than the anonymous message I sent, but if Jon and Carolyn come over when I’m up and want me to fill out forms along with them, I’ll go for it. The cock should never know who we are but either way, at least he couldn’t play the race card. I know I said I would never let the past keep me from expressing myself or standing up for what’s right but that’s not what it’s about for me. It’s knowing that complaints are only temporary fixes, and even if they weren’t in this case, there are a million other loud vehicles tearing in and out of this place. So what’s one more? I also wasn’t kidding when I said you may as well take the house you like better that happens to be on a busy street than the one you don’t like quite as much that’s more out-of-the-way because you’re still going to hear enough loud sounds no matter where you go.

Speaking of the past, sometimes I still burn with anger towards the black bitch that helped ruin my life for seven years and I’m sure I always will, even though writing the story has helped a bit. Sometimes I wish she would magically appear so I could torture the shit out of her for days on end. I would never kill her, though, so she would have to live with what I did to her just like I have to live with the hell she put me through, just like in my “true” story. After what happened, I never saw blacks the same. I’ll be the first to admit this although that means as a whole and not specific individuals I may meet along the way that has been kind to me or at least never given me any reason to dislike them. Otherwise, you lose credibility as the so-called “victim” in my eyes when you do shit like what was done to me, and my case was far from unique. Blacks and whites alike can blame whites for everything wrong in the world and delude themselves into thinking that white privilege actually exists, but I know better after what I’ve seen with my own two eyes. I’ll never see blacks as a whole in the same light ever again. Even Steve would have been downright disgusted and ashamed of the sickos in Arizona and he was black as midnight.

Was looking at Nettles Island and Hutchinson Island where my folks lived. Regardless of what noise you may hear, it really sucks that we can’t live there. It’s an awesome area overall. I don’t think the problem would be affording the space for rent. The problem would be buying a place in the first place. No one’s going to give us a loan for a place that’s a quarter-mil at the age we’ll be even with good credit because they know we can’t live long enough to pay it off. I don’t have to be a financial genius to know this.

It took two days for the burning and itching to stop, but yes, Sugar Babies and all other hot chocolate and cocoa must be added to my list of things to avoid.

Feeling bad for Aly now. It seems she always has a problem. Always. I can’t exactly say she’s the same hypochondriac Tammy is but still… Her latest problem is being laid off from the daycare center because they’re downsizing. Almost all jobs do let you go eventually and I’m astonished that they haven’t let Tom go yet. Then again, it makes sense, if there is anything up there that’s been cursing my health/sanity, that he hasn’t been let go because we need the insurance and money to deal with it. I even wonder if he was meant to get a job with a foreign-based company so it would be even easier to get me to appointments. It would have been incredibly hard with an American job, especially if he was on first shift. So did anything up there lead him to a foreign-based job so it could have fun torturing me physically and mentally and therefore needing to be brought to doctors more often? I don’t know for sure but it sure does make me wonder.

Now that I’m better, I wonder if this means our finances are going to go down since it seems to be either financial issues or health issues. I’d still rather the financial issues but it would be nice if we didn’t have to deal with either for a while. But then I’m not “better.” Just because I haven’t been anxious for a couple of weeks doesn’t mean it isn’t going to come back. It always does. I thought of all the problems that have been piled on me, ranging from minor to not so minor, since I was in jail and wow, what a list!

• A dead thyroid
• TMJ
• LS
• Weight gain
• Stiff joints
• A questionable bladder
• Shitty vision
• Ladystache
• Groin rash
• Anxiety
• High cholesterol
• High blood pressure

My office companions are getting a little braver and friendlier each day even if I don’t expect them to ever be like Tinkerbell, Blondie or Sugar. Haven’t seen them playing with each other yet but they were in a playful mood yesterday. When they run in fear it’s pretty much a straight, smooth streak of movement. But when they’re happy they’re bouncy.

The pigs love to run around and chase each other and are quite chatty.

Fuzzy is definitely more curious and interested in hanging out with me. Yesterday I was able to get both of them to step out onto the ramp. I can tell they’re getting closer to wanting to run around loose. Even if I have a hard time getting them back at first, rats never forget the way to and from places and always make their way back home. They have scent glands in their back feet which also guides them back to where they came from so even if one busted out before being trained and obedient enough to come when called, he’ll eventually find his way back home.

Guinea pigs, on the other hand, aren’t smart enough to make their way back home even if they could get into their house on their own and they’re also not smart enough not to chew wires. Rats somehow know this is dangerous.

Last night I had a dream that we had our own boat. It was small but seemed to be able to move pretty fast. I was lounging below the deck while Tom was navigating us from one place to another and I could tell when we were nearing our destination because he slowed down.

The only other dream I remember was sitting at a picnic table with others who were being served these strange drinks. In tall glasses were white daisies in some kind of clear liquid.