Although it’s a week late, my period finally arrived and woke me up an hour or so before I’d have liked to have gotten up. I got back into bed after a bathroom run, but between traffic and my being caught up enough on sleep, I decided to get up to what I thought would be a quiet day since it was already coming up on 3pm. Wrong! Sure enough, they started working with some loud equipment in back (we’re still not sure what they were doing), and this went on for nearly 4 hours. Why oh why is there always something going on in this park? So now I’ll have to get to sleep as early as I can in case they return tomorrow. Whatever it was they were running sounded like a wood chipper with a jackhammer built into it or something. Tom said he saw a tractor too, on his way in from work. 

Tom’s going to work for a few hours in the morning but that’s an extra $100, so he doesn’t mind. It’s helping to get the credit card debts paid off and it’s really jacking up the 401. 

My brass figurine arrived the day before yesterday and today my patchouli wax melts arrived. I have to let them firm up before I can pop a cube out of its container since it was so hot in the mailbox. The heat made it super soft and it’s hard to break off a piece that way. 

I was changing sheets when I noticed my pulse was a bit elevated, so I checked it to find it was 113. It’s a good thing I wasn’t at the doctor’s, LOL, or else she’d be worried even more about my anxiety. We all know, though, that the levothyroxine isn’t completely out of my body yet. Recovery takes time, but it sure was ever my pleasure to finally flush the rest of the shit down the toilet this morning! Realizing I would never again take a dose that high, and probably not even that same medication, I happily flushed the remainder of the bottle down the toilet. It felt as good as it would to beat the shit out of someone who beat the shit out of me, or someone I care about. After all, the shit caused me so much physical and emotional torture! I still can’t believe how bad things got, especially since I had no problem with the lower dose. But now we can recognize the signs of oncoming trouble. I had no idea that those few days before the first big attack where my heart was a bit racy and I was a touch short of breath was a sign of trouble ahead. Even Tom knew something was wrong just by how fast I was dropping weight. As he himself said, nobody should lose weight that fast. Well, I’d take a 100-inch waist before I went through that kind of hell again! 

Last night I felt a touch bummed out, but I knew and recognized it as just typical PMS that would soon pass. Sometimes knowing what’s causing our depression or anxiety can help. I always suspected the levothyroxine, but when you don’t know for sure, that can make it twice as bad. Other than noise annoyances and distractions, I’m starting to feel a lot better, and so I can enjoy that uppity, carefree feeling that most of us love… until the next round of PMS or they start me on whatever new medication Doc D’s going to order up for me. I guess I’m going to Armour, but we’ll see. 

For now, I kinda have mixed emotions about not seeing Doc C till December, LOL. Each time I see her, she gets a little hotter. At least in my opinion, she does. :) I can see where I’d still have the same damn problem I always had if I were still single… those I’d want would be out of the question. Even if she’d been with women before her BF and meant it when she told me I was beautiful, she would be taken, and well, my damn doctor after all. 

If I’m ever unfortunate enough to have anxiety attacks of such a kick-ass and extreme nature sneak up on me again, the hard part will be not panicking and trying to think rationally. It totally twists and alters your way of thinking. Imagine trying to stay calm and rational in a pit of fire? Yeah, right! The shrink and therapist will help drill in those breathing exercises and that cognitive thinking thing we discussed before. I asked Tom if he really, really thought a shrink was necessary to get over my medication block and he said he didn’t think it was necessary but would probably help things progress faster. Yeah, he’s probably right. For now, I’m enjoying being pill-free and the lighter, shorter periods that come with untreated hypothyroidism, which is the only good thing the damn disease has to offer.