It turns out that the casino in town is just a card room for poker and blackjack and doesn’t have any slot machines. We’ll go to the real casino, which is about 15 miles from here, some other time. 

We did grab a bite to eat at Carl’s Jr., though, and that’s pretty much it for today other than changing the rats’ cage. It’s cloudy out with a bit of a breeze. It only rained like two drops, but we’re coming to that time of year when it’s more likely to rain. 

My new pillow was comfortable in any position I’d lie in and my neck feels a lot better today. I got caught up on sleep and am starting to sleep in later in the morning, which is a good thing. That way I can sleep through most of the weekday noise so long as it’s not as maddening as when they were cutting trees down, and then be up later when it’s quieter. 

My anxiety has been virtually non-existent the last couple of days and I love it. I wish I could always feel this good. Not being alone so much helps, and as Tom said, I’m getting better and better each day. The further away from my last ordeal we get, the better I’ll be. That’s usually how PTSD works. As new memories are formed, they help not so much to replace the old ones but to push them further back into our minds. Still worried, though, about when it comes time to get up the nerve to go back on medication of some kind. As it is I don’t know that I’m ready yet for Novocain at the dentist, which I’ve had a million times already. 

Later… 

It isn't every day I get to use my Italian around here. Some guy was at Carl's Jr. and another guy asked if he was Italian and if he spoke it while we were all getting drinks. He said yes and asked the guy if he knew any. The guy said he knew a little. In Italian, I said, "Io so un po d’italiano anche," which means “I know a little Italian too.” That sure threw the both of them, LOL. 

Last night I had a dream involving that hot-looking black judge in Detroit I saw in a documentary. We moved there, not that we’d ever move to such a lousy city and climate, but in the dream, we moved there and the judge left me a voice message. She said someone had been calling her asking for me, and then she said something like, “You’re here now and we will be watching you.” 

I debated whether or not to ignore her message or call and let her know I had no idea how or why anyone would call her looking for me, and that I didn’t appreciate her threats. 

Swimming season is pretty much over here. I hate that winter's coming even if it's nothing like New England or Oregon, and even though there is some good in it. It's better for sleeping and working out but I hate wearing robes and slippers. I like to be barefoot and in short shorts and sports bras. It's still usually warm enough for shorts, just not swimming. 

Since yesterday was warmer, I was pissed to have had this Caddy for less than 6 months just to have a half-assed working AC. We seem to be so cursed with car ACs. Yet it turns out that it’s just a case of the computer losing its mind and needing to be reset. It would only come out the floor before, but a reset should hopefully get it working again at chest level. His online research says it will anyway. 

There are brackets for flags in both the front and back of the house, so we’re going to get poles and flags on Amazon soon enough. I chose one with a hummingbird and flowers, and one with a cat and flowers. 

Later… 

Tom and I were discussing how much progress I’ve made in undoing what they did to me (the meds and doctors). I’m getting better each day and haven’t even mentioned chill pills all week, let alone taken one. Despite my improvement, the pill phobia isn’t 100% gone and I’m not 100% back to my old self. So we devised a plan to help me take the necessary steps to get there. Next weekend (when he’ll be around more) I will resume the vitamin D. I’m already able to take my chewable kiddy vitamin and things like ibuprofen. Then in two weeks, we’ll have me take 100 mcg of selenium, which according to Tom’s research, should help my thyroid a lot because it suppresses the antibodies that attack it. By then I should be brave enough to face whoever my new endo doc will be, not that I expect they’ll be able to see me this year. California has TERRIBLE healthcare! 

I told Andy that while I was happy for him, it’s sad that he gets great healthcare for free while we PAY to get shitty healthcare. Our home state is a great state with a shit climate, you could say, LOL. I think that no matter where you go, though, so many doctors are quacks who don’t know what they’re doing and don’t care about each individual patient’s particular needs. Instead, they have a “one treatment fits all” attitude, which is totally ridiculous since everyone’s different and we don’t all respond the same to various medications. My trust levels are definitely down right now. 

Going to the doctor after all these years ended up making me less healthy, in a sense, so I’ve got to proceed with caution from here on out. No sense in taking something that’s going to make me feel a million times worse than any disease itself ever could. We weren’t talking about taking chemo to fight cancer or anything like that after all. We were just talking about something that’d do what my thyroid can no longer do on its own.