Tom and I went biking early yesterday morning and we got a new shower massager for the master bath. Despite that bathroom being huge enough to place a twin bed in it, its shower stall is rather cramped and I got sick of the big, fancy shower massager I so stupidly got for it when we moved in. Tom loves his in the other bathroom which he showers in and which has a roomier stall. 

This cheap $11 one we got for the master bath is perfect, plus I prefer white to silver. It has just 3 simple settings and a holder that’s much more secure than the other one. It’s lighter and much easier to use. What I was really getting to hate about the other one was that because water came out of two separate pieces (one removable, one not), I’d still get a little trickle from above when wanting to use only the water coming out of the hose if I wanted to quickly shave my calves or something. I would still have to get all of me wet, which sucked. 

We relaxed most of the day and did various things around the house. Tom reset the codes in the Caddy and I’m beginning to wonder if luxury cars are really worth it. The wire-shorting incident left the AC on the passenger side only blowing at my feet and not my upper body. It’s better than nothing, but we’re so cursed with car ACs that I have a feeling this will be our last summer with one that works at all. If that ends up being the case, why pay 10k for a year of a working AC when you can pay just 2k for the same thing? 

We also played around with the Wii. It feels strange at first, but it’s fun. 

The shitty moment was when I had a 60-second anxiety attack. The last time I had a full-blown attack, although it too, was brief, I wasn’t thinking of anything bad in particular. This time I was wondering if I should’ve eaten the frozen tortellini I ate since a corner of the box it was in was lifted slightly. Deep down I knew it wasn’t tampered with and that it just got jostled around, and I don’t know that that’s what caused it for sure. For about a minute there, that woozy feeling came over me, I felt warm, and my heart began to race. Tom ran and got the pulse reader and it said I was doing 120. It quickly dropped, though it still sucks to have to live with this shit. Is this my new life or something? I’ve always had anxiety, but this still seems rather extreme for me. I didn’t have that feeling of suffocation, though, so that’s good I guess. Still, trying to learn to live with this as a regular part of my life isn’t easy. I’m even afraid to go to the dentist now for fear of a Novocain injection triggering an attack, even though I’ve had the stuff a million times before. 

When I first got up I had a few slightly off moments where I felt like I might have an attack, but never did. No, nothing bad was on my mind. As I’ve learned, you don’t necessarily have to be thinking the world’s coming to an end to have one of these things. 

I don’t remember the name of it, but in an ad, I saw for an injection that fights wrinkles, it said you could die because there was a chance that the muscles in which you breathe and swallow could become very weak. I find it rather sad that some people would risk their lives all in the name of appearance. When we get older, we get wrinkles. It’s a fact of life. We get fat, we go gray, we lose our vision, etc. I don’t see why we’re so quick to fight what’s meant to be. This doesn’t mean we can’t try to eat healthy or dye our hair or get glasses, but taking potentially deadly injections? 

Just the other day I was thinking how nice it was that after 14 months of living here, we’ve never had a power failure. Sure enough, though, I was woken up 3 fucking times by our power going out (the fan, AC and sound machine went out). 

Heading out to Denny’s for one last round of cholesterol-filled steak and eggs and then I’m going to make a point of really trying to eat healthy. More fruits/veggies, fewer calories. Most days I eat healthy, but there is always room for improvement in that area. 

I vaguely remember being at a huge lake where I was staying for a while in last night’s dreams. I don’t remember Tom being there and I don’t know if I was there willingly or not. Shannon, my dentist’s assistant, was there. She was writing a letter home to someone who supposedly lived in Wisconsin.