This entry is about doctor/medical stuff. If this subject bores you or you find it hard to understand things you haven’t experienced yourself firsthand, you might want to skip this entry. I can totally understand how what I’m about to discuss may leave some people confused, especially since my situation is rather complex instead of as cut and dry as developing a fungal rash from excess moisture, for example. Yes, I have somehow managed to snag one of these in the groin area for the first time in my life, despite how clean I keep myself (I thought they were mosquito bites at first despite the odd area of choice for mosquitos), so she’s ordered up a special cream for it. I just seem to get one thing after another lately, and if I develop one more problem, big or small – just one more – I’m going to totally believe there’s a medical curse on me! And I’m not even “unhealthy.” Imagine if I were, though! 

Doc Sexy was both kind and late, as usual, but our visit went as expected. I am still frustrated, anxious and worried, though I’m certainly feeling a lot better than I was before seeing her. I took my notes to her and told her everything that’s been going on with the meds and anxiety, and we all agreed (Tom was with me this time) that it’s not just the meds that caused me to have such severe anxiety. Here’s where it could get confusing to some people, so bear with me. The meds had side effects, yes, but they also brought back the old, anxious me as they normalized my metabolism. If you’re hyperactive to begin with and are on drugs like levothyroxine, you can experience the kick-ass side effects I experienced which were very traumatizing for me and have put a real complex on me. 

As Tom told her, 20 years ago I was pretty high-strung, then I mellowed out due to what we both thought was age. In truth, however, I mellowed out due to my thyroid dying. Them normalizing it with the levothyroxine brought me back to abnormality if that makes any sense. In other words, it's back to Basket Case Land and so the therapist and shrinks she wants me to see have to get me to relearn how to deal with it, especially before I go back on any medication, so as to avoid the “placebo effect.” To spell it out for you, Tom could give me a pill that’s really just a Tic Tac and I’d be freaking out over what side effects I may have. A decade or so of living in Not Quite So Basket Case Land as my thyroid died off has made my coping skills a bit rusty. The meds made me abnormal while making me normal and so I have to learn how to be normal while being abnormal. Ain't life just grand? At this point, I’d be too terrified to take anything, so the statins have been indefinitely discontinued (they’ll check my numbers later on), and the thyroid meds, which may be changed to Armour, are on hold till I return to the endo doc. 

Again, a few months off the meds won’t hurt me. But the thyroid does eventually have to be dealt with because if I ignore it long term it’ll probably kill me or cause some other complications that are serious, if not deadly, not to mention the debilitating amount of weight I could gain no matter how little I eat. 

Anyway, she wants me to deal with the anxiety before going back on the meds so I don't freak out when I do (can't deny it's a terrifying thought). While I’m glad I don’t have cancer or anything like that, this whole thing is still frustrating, time-consuming and costly. I feel like I’m going to be at doctors, therapists and shrinks more than I’ll be at home. But if that’s what it takes to get me to be able to take even an over-the-counter painkiller I’ve taken for years without freaking out, so be it. I can at least take my multivitamin now, LOL. Lucky me, huh? 

Even though I know I shouldn’t feel this way, as even she said, I feel like a real wimp. I wish I could tell myself to just not be anxious over taking meds, but if it were that simple, no one would need to see therapists or take psych pills. Anxious or not, the side effects are still an issue that also needs to be dealt with, plus there is blood work and the thyroid ultrasound I gotta deal with too, argh! How can 2 lousy issues (side effects and anxiety) seem like 20? 

I mentioned not being very fond of the endo doc and her low ratings, but as the doc pointed out, she is very knowledgeable. 

After seeing the doc with the perfect teeth and sexy smile, it was off to grab a bite to eat and browse the Goodwill that was right by it. I didn’t find any goodies but he got a Wii for $40 that he’s always wanted but never got around to actually getting. He did the Wii Fit thing and the funny thing was that even though it told him he was 25 pounds lighter than he actually was, it still told him he was obese out of the underweight, normal, overweight, and obese categories, LOL. It would probably tell me I was normal when I’m really overweight. I haven’t played with it yet.