I had a dream where I found my mother’s Facebook account she was using before she died. Only Facebook lets us customize background colors in the dream. In reality, though, they were offline 4 or 5 years before they died in 2012. They simply had no use for the Internet, let alone social media. 

In another dream, we were living in Phoenix again, and I think it was the same house, too. Only the house now had modern windows that raised up and down instead of those old-fashioned cranks that push the windows outward. I was in the front bedroom and sick of the circus from next door as I was in real life 15 years ago. There was a huge and loud Mexican family over there. Adults were shouting, kids were screaming, dogs were barking and music was blasting. 

My anger really came to a head when a couple of guys in their 20s, drunk as hell, peered into the window. As they giggled and muttered in both English and Spanish, I jumped up and ran to open the window. Then I said, “Here, do me a favor by making yourself look even worse to the cops by breaking and entering instead of just your little voyeurism games. I opened the window to make it even easier for you fuckers. All you have to do is bust the screen out.” 

They took off before the cops arrived and when one of the cops was talking to me, she asked if I knew their language. I said I did for the most part and then she asked if I knew Spanish swears. I said, “Well, when they ran off calling me a puta, I got the message, but if you think this is about race, color or nationality, I can tell you right now it’s not. It’s about chaos turned to trespassing and more.” 

The dream ended with her assuring me she understood that. 

Below is what I told Norma tonight in a Facebook message. 

I have been toying with the idea of telling you this for some time now and decided that for whatever it may be worth, I’ll go ahead and let you in on the truth. If you feel the need to mention this to Andy (that’s what I’ve always called Mark) you’re welcome to do so, though he shouldn’t be too surprised I’m telling you this, haha. 

I know that after all this time you wouldn’t think any different of me, guilty or innocent, by my saying what I’m about to say. That’s not the point. The point is that I don’t like to leave those I care about with the wrong idea and not defend myself in some way, and well, I figured what I’d have to say now would be a lot more believable than what I said 25 years ago. :) 

As you may remember, my aunt and uncle Marty and Ruth weren’t very nice people. At least not to me they weren’t. Ruth spread a lot of vicious lies about me (ok, so some may’ve had a grain of truth to them), and things that should’ve been kept private. One of the lies that got back to me was that I supposedly prank-called you. When I mentioned this to Andy and then he later told me he told you he “knew I was guilty no matter what I said,” I was both angry and hurt. As he himself admits, he’s been burned so badly in life that it is often hard for him to trust and believe in anyone, and I mean anyone. 

As I pointed out to him, though, what would I possibly have to gain by lying to him? He had no hold on me of any kind and couldn’t punish me like my parents could as a child, so I had no reason to hold back on him if I had been calling you, but in truth, I NEVER did. I swear. Our rules were that we called people we disliked or dialed randomly. Not that it was right of us, mind you, but we never called those we liked unless it was an obvious joke in which we came out and said, “Haha, it’s us!” in the end. 

He then offered to go back to you and admit he had trouble taking people at face value, including me, but at the time I told him not to bother because I felt that may only confuse you even more and you wouldn’t know who to believe. Now, normally I don’t care what others think in general. But when it comes to those I care about and that has always been good to me, that’s different. Again, I know that what did or didn’t happen in the past doesn’t change the here and now. It’s just that you and other family members may have thought for years that I once picked on you for no reason at all which really bothered me over the years, and I just wanted to let you know that was absolutely not the case. :) I’m also very sorry that anyone ever harassed you.