“Sadly, there are so many false or exaggerated claims of racism these days that the true victims are getting harder to identify.” 

I agree with the quote above which someone tweeted. Playing the race card has become so common that once our society finally gets fed up enough with the automatic cries of racism, the small percentage of people left who are truly discriminated against aren’t going to be believed. 

Trying to schedule an appointment yesterday with a shrink to help me overcome the anxiety my medication nightmares have brought me was a bust. I guess they think no one is crazy in Cali before 9:30 am, and definitely not on Fridays or weekends. 

I’m trying not to let my worries and questions about doctors and medication (and the fact that I’m beginning to wonder if my rash is ever going to heal) get to me, but sometimes the anxiety is there. Trying to hold my weight back right now is like trying to hold a raging bull back. It’s screaming to the scale, “Let me up there! I want to climb like crazy! Let me go, let me go!” 

The low-cal diet I put together for the week which consists mostly of a large variety of fruits and veggies will hopefully send the proper message to my metabolism-less body. One saying, “Shut the fuck up! I’m the boss here, not you!” 

The Caddy wouldn’t start the other day and Tom had to jump it. My first thought was, oh no, another problem already in just 5 months? But it turned out that it was just a radio wire shorting. We want to eventually upgrade the thing anyway to something that’ll play MP3s. This car came out right before it became popular. 

Last night I had a dream I won a trip to Europe and Tom and I were driving around as I took pictures. I don’t know where we were, though. At one point I said to Tom, “Isn’t it frustrating being this close to Nane, but still not close enough to meet her? How far are we from her anyway?” 

He said 5 or 6 hours and I said, “Oh, I thought she was 2 or 3 hours away.” In real life, she could probably arrange to meet us. 

I wonder if this dream is a sign that I might’ve won a trip or something else nice, though I doubt it. I haven’t been able to win regularly since all the competition came to stop my non-stop wins (damn those people!). 

Another dream that suggested a possible win was when I looked out the window and saw what might’ve been someone pulling up to it with a small boat. My dream self seemed to think it was something I won. In reality, though, since winning was once my job – literally – I would’ve been notified first via certified overnight mail, and probably called and emailed as well. They can’t just send big prizes like that. 

Then there was the dream that would’ve been fun and interesting had it not been for the shitty circumstances surrounding it. Tom died and I called Nane on the phone to say goodbye to her because I was going to join him on the other side. She talked me out of it and said to at least fly to her place and stay alive until the sale money from the house and what we had in savings ran out. When it did and I was fixing to check out of Hotel Earth, she told me Germany started allowing gay marriage and convinced me to marry her.

Again, this dream would’ve been kinda funny if it wasn’t for the shitty fact that Tom died. Also in reality, I wouldn’t stick around if he went first, nor would anyone ask me to live with them no matter how much money we had, and we should gain more security with age too, unless something unforeseen comes up along the way.