I would love to go work out now, but not after yesterday proved I can still get these strange random booming heartbeats no matter what type of exercise I do. Maybe I’ll do a light workout when Tom gets in. After I go to the lab, probably on Friday, I will mention it in more detail to my new doctor and see if she can shed some light on why this is happening. 

I’m surprised I still haven’t gotten any texts or messages from Andy. I hope that means he’s busy having a blast! I’ll finish up with Andy's visit before the workers arrive across the street and disrupt the peace. 

So we picked him up at the train station, went to eat, went walking around the park, then we came back and chatted. He had many questions for Tom regarding his new Kindle HD, which he mostly uses to post pics in one of his 3 gay groups on Facebook. 

I was mistaken in thinking he’d come from his friend Juliet’s place. He actually came from Linda’s. Linda and his mother live in Alameda, and Marla lives in Hayward. He’ll still be seeing Juliet and will be in Cali till the first, and then he will be seeing his brothers in Florida in January. So, two vacations this winter for him. 

I was a bit surprised to hear him say that he was thinking of moving to the Bay area because he’d have more business opportunities there. It’s just that he’s sworn his condo would be his permanent home. Oh well. Things change. People change. It’s got to be up to him, and as I told him, be sure he thinks it through because he may never have the opportunity to own a place ever again. He understands this, though, and knows there are pros and cons to both renting and owning. He could get around 40k for his place and stay with Linda till he built up enough business. 

I crashed at around 9pm and they crashed an hour or two after that. 

Andy and I got up at 5am, and Tom got up a half-hour later. I could’ve slept longer, but I figured Andy would be up, and even though I knew he’d be just fine by himself for an hour or two, I wanted to get up anyway. 

Andy insisted that although he’s harmless, the ghost of the guy who last lived here was roaming the living room all night long and that he saw a flash of light in the kitchen or something like that. I don’t doubt that he can sense ghosts, but Tom and I both think it’s more likely a case of him just being in a new place and hearing things he’s not used to hearing. Maybe a touch of paranoia too, LOL. 

So we each did our thing online for a while, showered and then went to Denny’s. I wanted to try their peanut butter and hot fudge pancakes for the first time, and damn were they good! 

After Denny’s, we came home and chatted till it was time to take him to the train station. We laughed over old pranks we pulled and remembered our frustrating moments in gay bars. In my case, I got a lot of rejection for being both short and feminine. I was once an exotic dancer, just to give you an idea of how feminine I was/am. But I wasn’t about to throw away my heels, skirts and makeup and then run and cut my hair off just to please anyone. Most of them weren’t what I wanted anyway, not just because many of them had problems be it with drugs, alcohol or just life, but because I rarely go for that boyish or butchy look. If I did, couldn’t I have just gotten a man? But we did have our fun moments, especially doing karaoke, which I sometimes won. Yes, I was a singer and dancer before I turned into a writer. I’ve always liked to write; I just hadn’t made it my main focus till I met and married Tom. He’s the one that got me hooked on computers. This was back in the spring of 1993. 

Anyway, I spent the remainder of yesterday depressed, curious and frustrated over the latest exercise-induced heart boomer, so Tammy's call really cheered me up. I appreciated her words of kindness and encouragement. I really miss the days when I could simply work out and not have these issues. Never before last July did my heart do this shit when exercising. I’ve gotten cramps. I’ve gotten dizzy. But I’ve never felt like my heart would explode. 

Then Tom came home after that and I felt even better. He assures me I’ll get sick of him during his 4 days off. At this point, I can’t imagine that anymore. Sadly, I don’t like all this alone time that I used to just love. I used to love it cuz I think so much better when I’m alone and can accomplish a lot more this way. But if being alone means I’m more anxious, I’d rather not be alone so much. It’s bound to be this way for years, though, so I gotta just deal with it. 

In last night’s dreams, I dreamed Tom and I decided we’d go to a different country every two years. 

Then I walked into a restaurant of some kind to find my Italian mom alive and well. She was sitting in a booth with another woman. I went up to her, wanting to sit beside her, hug her, and see her for a few minutes, but found a small dog curled up on the seat next to her.