Ok, this is too fucking spooky. I just went into the bathroom to pee, glanced at the counter, and saw that the little round mirror on the front cover of the diary I was recently given from India was cracked. A single slightly wavy line now runs across it. But I never dropped it or bumped it against anything! Nothing heavy fell on it either. I’ve learned that if you look hard enough you’ll find that there’s a logical explanation for things, which doesn’t involve any magical gods, fairies, angels or devils, but I can’t find one in this case. It’s almost spooky. Isn’t a broken mirror supposed to represent the start of a seven-year curse? The only thing I can think of is that it might have weakened over time from handling and pressure and it finally cracked. 

The only thing in my life that includes angels is the adult coloring book I won in an Amazon instant win. Like I said, these days you have a better chance with instant wins than you do with random draws. Funny too, because I was just thinking how I have enough coloring books to last a long time and won’t need to shop for anymore for quite a while. 

Andy picked a fine time to drive me away with his arrogant, know-it-all attitude because Ask completely changed the look and function of their site. It’s absolutely horrible and I know he would be pissed. Both of my accounts are now deactivated. 

I don’t miss him at all or checking in and sharing pictures like we did for years. It was fun while it lasted, but there are so many other sites to share/view pictures on. I certainly don’t wish him any harm, but I don’t miss his repetitious and obsessive ways. Or his immaturity, selfishness, and airheaded ways. It’s no wonder he has remained single all these years. Until he can grow up, get over his trust issues, and stop being so judgmental and assuming too much, he will likely grow old and die alone, but hey, it’s his life. It’s not up to us to change people. All we can do is decide who we wish to have remain in our lives, and who it’s time to move on from. I always try to exercise my best judgment when it comes to these things. If I’m going to cut ties with somebody it’s going to be for a damn good reason. I’m not going to walk away because you fart too much or because you might think tarantulas look cool. I just got tired of the little insults and annoyances that added up over time, and when one is offended one too many times, it’s time to move on no matter how much they may be missing the point. As they say, we can explain something to someone, but we can’t make them get it. 

Got a friend request on Facebook from a beautiful woman named Lana who bears a remarkable resemblance to Alyssa. This one has nicer eyes, though, and appears to be married and living in Nevada. The account looks legit and all that, but I’m still curious as to how she found me. I sent her a message and will decide later on whether or not to add her. 

A while back Alison noticed a “Khayos” as one of the NaNoWriMo writers on their account on Twitter and brought it to my attention. At the time I doubted it was her because there was no mention of her obsession with rescuing feral cats. Just for the hell of it, I tweeted to her: Khayos from Kiwibox? 

After not thinking I was going to hear from her, she replied with: Yes! OMG, a kiwi? 

So Aly was right, and I followed her. We’ll see if I hear anything else from her. Her real name is Amber. She’s the one I kind of used to have fun bickering with on the old KB site, however childish it may have been. She was one of those who was attractive at the same time she wasn’t. She was in her early 20s at the time so now I’m guessing she’s in her late 20s. 

Last night I had a very depressing dream about Kevin, a.k.a. Nervous. I gave him that nickname because when he felt challenged or you dared to disagree with him he would literally become nervous and shake all over. He was the guy that was obsessed with me back in Massachusetts in my 20s. He was a lot older than me. He died in the mid-90s of a heart attack at age 53. 

I admit that in real life I did and said some mean things to the poor guy. Apparently, I reminded him of his ex-wife. Anyway, I admit I took advantage of his fondness for me and used the guy for rides, favors and money. Andy used to joke and say he sometimes wished he had his own personal slave like that. I didn’t have as much compassion or as much conscience back then, unfortunately. I would never bother with the guy these days, especially since the attraction wasn’t mutual. He was tall, mostly slender, and very ordinary-looking. 

He was about 46 when we met. The landlords were bombing the building and ordered everybody out for a few hours. I had two guinea pigs and no car. He was getting into his little maroon Chevy Citation when I bravely opened the passenger side of his car, piggies in a cardboard box, and asked if he wanted company. This was in late 1986 or early 1987. Our “friendship” took off from there. 

He was argumentative and arrogant, but damn was he loyal. If I asked him to jump off a bridge he probably would have. Like most of us in our youth, I could rarely go anywhere without getting hit on, so if anything the dork kept most of the guys at bay for me. Other than Tom, and very few other male exceptions, I still prefer women. 

In the dream, however, I was living with him. I’m not sure if I was forced to or if I felt obligated to live with him because of how I treated him in the past. Of course I would never trade my husband for anyone no matter what history we may have and no matter what they looked like. But it seemed I did just that in the dream and was determined to get over Tom and deal with my depression and sadness over missing him. It was almost like I was punishing myself. 

The dream started with Nervous and I discussing what we liked and didn’t like in bed, even though it was understood that just like in real life, our relationship would be strictly platonic. I told him that as long as he wasn’t verbally or emotionally abusive, I would stay. 

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” he said as far as putting tasty treats down there before – uhem – actually going down there. 

“To each their own,” I told him, “but that wasn’t my thing.” 

Then I was walking across a grassy area toward where he stood because he said earlier that he needed my help with something. Several other people were around and I suddenly became aware of the tight red dress I was wearing. I wondered if people found me sexy-looking or just fat. 

He spotted a snake nearby and hit it with a shovel. When I approached him I asked if he still needed my help and he said no. 

I turned and walked away and realized it was noon, Tom was due to visit one time to see where I would be living and say our goodbyes. Again, very, very sad dream. 

I also remembered in the dream that my sister and others were coming to see me and I felt tears well up in my eyes consisting of a mix of sadness as well as excitement. 

The second dream I had didn’t last as long. My parents were still alive and I had just returned to an apartment after visiting them. I lived alone and didn’t seem to know Tom. Panic gripped me when I realized I didn’t have my keys or my smartphone, and I raced back outside the building where several people were present. I asked if anybody had a cell phone I could use. People began to ignore me at first, but finally, a kind tall, slim black lady pulled a cell phone from her bag and held it up to me. That’s all I remember of that one.