Well, this is kind of embarrassing. Just seven hours after telling Dr. A how wonderful it’s been being anxiety-free, I had a panic attack. I got into bed just before midnight and noticed my heart was beating a little fast and hard. I thought maybe it was just because I had recently eaten. Meanwhile, life is good and I wasn’t worried about it… until it took off racing like a racehorse. Scared the living shit out of me too, and of course I was trembling uncontrollably as the adrenaline raced through my body. Since my current thyroid dosage can no longer affect me this way, I worried for a minute that I really was having a heart attack, but fortunately, Tom was home and he calmed me down relatively quickly, knowing it was just anxiety. He’s pretty sure I was just worried about my blood pressure. 

Whatever it was, it's a very disappointing setback. Just when I thought I was free of these things for good, I’m reminded that I’m not totally exempt from them. They can strike anytime, anyplace. 

So I took one of the lorazepams I was so sure I wouldn’t ever need again and fell asleep an hour later. I expected to wake up with my heart racing a few times throughout the night but I actually slept quite well. 

Doc A also asked me about a pap smear, but it hasn’t been three years yet. She asked about a mammogram too, and I said I’d pass for now. Then she asked about a colonoscopy. I’ll definitely pass. She said to let her know when I’m ready. LOL, no one’s ever “ready” to have their boobs squeezed and cameras shoved up their ass. 

Later… 

We now have a possible travel plan. It’s just a matter of exactly when he receives his new passport. Royal Caribbean takes off on January 30th, which is a Saturday, and goes to two different cities in Mexico. We’ve learned that the tickets actually get cheaper if you wait until it gets close to the date of the trip, as the cruise lines push to fill up the remaining rooms. We would just hate to book this trip and then find that he doesn’t get his passport in time. I don’t understand why these things have to take so damn long in today’s day and age, but they do. 

This trip would be for four nights, and we’re probably going to fly first class too. As short as I am, I don’t need the extra legroom, but it has so many other benefits, one of them being that you’re less likely to get stuck next to screaming kids. As long as they’re not sitting up front in the coach section, since there’s only a thin curtain between the two sections and not a soundproof wall, you get a more peaceful flight and much better service. Another benefit is that you only have two seats on each side so I wouldn’t have to climb over anybody other than Tom (I like window seats) to go to the bathroom or anything like that. It’s also easier to find seats available in first class since a lot of people can’t afford it. 

His research found that Celebrity X cruises tend to be the most expensive while Princess is the cheapest. Cruises tend to be wild no matter what, so we would rather skip Princess, figuring there’s probably a reason why they’re so much cheaper. Like maybe that line is reserved for the rowdiest and rude of cruisers? 

I was thinking of going almost vegan. As a friend and follower pointed out, anything from an animal is going to include cholesterol. I’m not saying I’ll give up stakes and fried chicken forever, but I’m going to try to focus more on pasta, potatoes, fish, fruits and veggies. I know I’ll never lose weight. I’ve gotten too old for that shit and I still have hypothyroidism. But one is never too old to eat healthier. Still working out most days, though. Tuna has less cholesterol than chicken and of course chicken has less cholesterol than beef. Salmon, sardines, tuna and mackerel are pretty healthy, and of course white skinless chicken is better than dark chicken with skin. The problem is that’s the only part of the chicken I like, so I’ll back off of the chicken for now as well as eggs, bacon and red meats. I just have to go easy on the pasta because it’s high-calorie. Just because I can’t lose weight doesn’t mean I want to gain it either, although I’m not holding back for a second when we’re on vacation! 

My snacks would usually consist of 90-calorie granola bars or small bags of crackers. No more of that as items like that have trans fats in them. I printed out a list of foods high in trans fats. I’m considering dried fruit for snacks. The Mayo Clinic says they’re healthy as long as they don’t have partially hydrogenated vegetable oil. 

We usually only do fast food two or three times a month, and last night on the way home from the doctor we agreed that that would be our last run for quite a while. If I were single I wouldn’t care if I died now or in my 60s or in my 80s, especially since I have no kids. But since my husband has another 30 years or so left to live, I don’t care to desert him so soon.