I ended up blocking Palma yesterday. She just started to get a little too weird for my comfort. I checked her page for the first time in a while out of curiosity to see what she was up to and saw that it was her 16th anniversary. So I sent her a message congratulating her and asked how she was doing, not expecting a reply since she didn’t reply to the message I sent last month, which was my second message. I doubt I would have ever looked in on her or sent her any additional messages if she blew me off again.

Then I noticed I missed a call from her on Messenger. So I sent a message asking if she meant to call or if she just hit the call icon by accident, letting her know I was now by my phone.

Then she takes 20+ minutes to write a reply. Before she could hit ‘send’ I noticed that she downvoted the message I sent last month but didn’t react to my congratulations message. I didn’t even know Messenger had these message reactions until then.

Figuring that if she could give a thumbs down to my message from over a month ago, then she probably didn’t have anything nice to say, assuming she actually meant to call and was really typing this long drawn-out novel to me. That’s when I decided to block her, not wanting to risk giving her a chance to provoke me into a reaction I may regret, as much as I’d like to think she wouldn’t be worth it. But you know how it is. When I get a reaction from someone that may not be good, it’s okay. When I react to someone’s shit, it’s not okay. Again, I’m not saying she would have said anything nasty or made any kind of threats or ultimatums since I wasn’t even remotely close to doing anything wrong, but I guess I will always have some traces of paranoia when it comes to anyone connected to the legal vendetta committed against me, however indirect a connection it may be, that’s in a state that shit on me in a very big way.

I have no idea why she would downvote my message and why she waited over a month to do it. Or why she may have tried to call me and what she may have wanted to tell me. I mean, why not just ignore or block me if she didn’t want to hear from me or didn’t like my message?

I went through it a few times and the only thing I can think of is that maybe she didn’t like me mentioning names of former inmates and DOs that I knew. Nothing I can think of makes sense. Sharing how I found her on Zabasearch? Remembering a joke I once told her? Saying that I felt hated by God and later became more agnostic?

Maybe she thought it was too long or maybe it’s her that’s paranoid. Maybe she thinks I’ve got some deep dark hidden ulterior motive.

Gotta laugh at how frustrating it must have been when she went to send the message and found she couldn’t reply. I looked in from Tom’s account since it’s been a while since I’ve checked his account anyway, to see if she might have left a note on her wall and she didn’t. What I found weird was that I still appear as “liking” her anniversary cake picture even though I blocked her. I thought blocking undid that but maybe not.

If she’s checked out my blog, she’s doing it in hiding. I’m very careful what I say anyway. But yeah, no clue why she would do that and I didn’t want to find out either since while she may have left the sheriff’s department, she still has connections. I have more important things to do. Like cleaning the house, winning Nano, and hoping not to be anxious.

Good news and bad news where that’s concerned. The bad news is that 8 hours after the first half of yesterday’s pill, I had three or four hours of anxiety. Nothing after my second half, though.

The good news is that Tom found out that the Walmart Pharmacy carries a few brands of my medication, including the oblong pill brand. They’re out of stock and won’t have them until Wednesday, but I still have some evil round ones. Coincidence or connection? I may never know for sure. I just know that I’ve had way more anxiety since starting the round ones. I’m mixing things up a bit and today I’m not taking my pill until the end of my day. I’m going to take the whole thing at once. As of yet, I’ve never become anxious 8 hours after taking my pill, so if I take it a couple of hours before bed and then I sleep for 8 hours, maybe I’ll be okay the next day. That’s what I’m about to find out. The oblongs are plenty capable of causing me anxiety as well; they just don’t seem to do it nearly as much as the round ones. At least not in the way of waves of anxiety moving in and out of my chest.

He can’t get his blood pressure meds refilled until the 25th.

Spam, spam, and more spam! These people just don’t give up no matter how obvious they are. It’s that fucking Nigerian crap as usual. I still don’t understand why there isn’t a block button like there is on Facebook and most sites. It should be a simple one-click ordeal to block any email address just like I can block any user on Facebook. Instead, I have to go through several steps to apply “rules.”

The weather is nice in the daytime now but slightly chilly in the mornings. Not chilly enough to put the heat on, though.

On Saturday Tom saw what he thinks was the cable company digging with a shovel on the corner of Jon and Carolyn’s place. They had cables in hand, he said. Fortunately, I didn’t hear anything, but I’m sure they’ll be digging up the road with loud obnoxious jackhammers and or tractors soon enough.

The fire truck was here again in the middle of last night and I think it went to Lawrence’s house. Really, really hope that house doesn’t sell while we’re still here! Even though it’s just across the street it’s higher than our place because of the hill. There’s a retaining wall and most of the front yard is fenced in, possibly enticing anyone who might move in with a mutt. The “footless” lady who just moved in doesn’t seem to have any dogs, so I guess this is the good part of Western culture and the belief that dogs shouldn’t be pets.

Tammy said she was doing better and still regaining her strength but didn’t go into detail. Still get the feeling that she and my nieces are pushing me away and would rather have little to do with me. It’s probably better that way anyway as we don’t seem to have much in common.

We didn’t do much this weekend since I didn’t feel well on and off. We did go to Walmart together early in the morning yesterday and I got a couple of cute new bamboo plants. One is in an O-shaped lavender vase with a clear tube in the center of it which the stalks of the plant are in. Another is in a green ceramic pot in the shape of a watering can. The one in the purple vase has purple orchids. Fake, of course, but they add a nice touch of color. The other one has a ladybug.