Yesterday I ended up feeling wonderfully normal after a few shaky hours at the beginning of my day, mostly because I was afraid of what I might be in for.

Today I’m doing okay with very faint traces of anxiety so far. As funny as it may sound I almost wish I would get hit with it hard so it may help convince me that maybe Tom’s theory is right and that it really is mostly on the perimenopause. But I can’t make it be caused by what I want it to be caused by. It is what it is, and I totally believe the bulk of it is on the meds. What I’m feeling is residual traces of it because it’s not a short-acting drug. It doesn’t leave the system in 12 to 24 hours. That’s why it took a few months for me to recover when I got really bad.

The only thing that doesn’t make sense is the changing symptoms. Why did this particular type of anxiety not start until a year and a half ago? What made the booming heart stop?

The racing, booming heart stopped, the butterflies in the stomach stopped, and I would like to think this will stop too, but it’s been going on too long to be very hopeful.

The frequency of high BP readings isn’t good but oh well.

The bulk of my problems yesterday was all the fucking noise. I still can’t believe that a retirement community could be this fucking noisy! Noisiest place I ever lived in the West. Well, it’s about as noisy as the apartments but in some ways, it’s noisier than the house in Phoenix. The dogs, brats and car stereos there weren’t as consistent as the steady stream of daytime noise here is. I think it really helped to be on concrete and have brick walls too. Being elevated and having wooden walls really allows the loud vehicles to rumble and vibrate throughout the place. At least the last time around I was only woken up once instead of twice but still…

So the Twenties, who are regular little project junkies (they just hire people to do their projects for them), are redoing half of their roof. I don’t know why the last lady would only do half of it, but only half of it is newer. So they’re redoing it before they get leaks. It’s a company called Thompson Roofing that has a good reputation. We’ll keep them in mind if we decide to do our roof. What’s weird is that they only worked during the morning yesterday. They have another day or two of work to do, though.

I didn’t know this but after I mentioned us possibly going to Hawaii next January, Carolyn said she was a travel agent and to let her know if we need brochures.

I was actually more annoyed by the cable company than by the Twenties. If they stayed up the hill doing whatever it was they were doing there, it wouldn’t be so bad. But they had this thunderously loud truck going back and forth like crazy and it’s totally annoying as fuck. Didn’t see any evidence of what they were working on during our walk, but I’m sure they’ll be back for many days to come. There is always, always something going on here. Projects in the street, projects by the park, home renovations, landscaping galore. God, it gets old! It’s so distracting and some days I just want to hear nothing at all and to live my life in peace without all the damn annoyances. But I know that we’re just going to get the same shit no matter where we go and I just have to remind myself that like it or not, this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my 20 to 30 years.

Tom didn’t get a chance to pick out an oven because he had to work super late and today he’s going to be stopping at Walmart to pick up our prescriptions. Not sure if I’ll be back on my old brand today or tomorrow because I don’t know if I’ll be up when he gets in. Maybe he’ll get a chance to look on Thursday since Friday we’ll be getting groceries delivered.

I think I’ll go make a board on Pinterest dedicated to Keisha Castle-Hughes. She’s between boring and hot. She actually reminds me of one of the fictitious characters in one of my books.

With less than 1000 words to go, I should win CampNano today.