Last night I was pretty anxious. OMG, I’ve had enough!!! I’ve so totally had enough! Something needs to change. Something. But what? I don’t have many alternatives and the few I know of seem pretty shitty. Do I stop the meds altogether, change brands and or doses, or switch to another drug? Get a thyroidectomy?

The tentative plan is for me to go back to taking my meds every other day and change PCPs. Don’t know that a new one will help me, but at least they’ll be closer to home, whoever they are. Might have Tom make me an appointment with his doctor when he goes to reschedule his own appointment for the week in June that he’s taking off. This is the week I see my ENT and I was going to see Dr. A. If he can help me then I don’t care that he’s male and Muslim.

Amour and Cytomel don’t seem like very good alternatives. Therefore, the question is what brand and what dose can my body best tolerate of Levothyroxine so I don’t have to deprive it altogether? I am SO stressed out and SO frustrated with this same old shit year after year after year. When oh when will it ever end? When will there ever be a solution to this problem and what will it be?

Tried reaching out to Amazon Kindle on Twitter but they’re ignoring me, not surprisingly, while they’ve replied to other tweets. Books are still KUable, too. Definitely “firing” these so-called publishers. I’m not going to write to make THEM money. Therefore, soon I will be an unpublished author. Maybe someday I’ll find a better publisher but for now, at least I’ll have the freedom to write more freely with less censorship and editing.

As far as what to do about the roof, the answer hit me like a punch in the gut the other day. It’s simple. I wish all things could be as simple like how to give my body the medication it needs without suffering from side effects that are worse than the hypo symptoms themselves. Every single fucking site that lists the drug’s side effects lists anxiety as one of them, yet the doctors want to try to tell me it’s not the meds when I know my body best and don’t have a history of anxiety? And there ARE some suspected deaths from this drug as well. I don’t know if I would blame the medication on the 300-pound guy who had a stroke, but the woman who killed herself? Maybe. Trust me, when I get that anxious my thoughts do tend to get dark. It’s not as safe as the doctors lead you to think it is. It may be safer than some drugs out there but I don’t think anything is ever perfectly safe.

I was surprised that some of the other side effects I saw listed when I did some research last night mentioned fever, fatigue and sweating. I thought I sweat easily because I’m fat and older but maybe not. It also mentioned rashes but I doubt there’s any connection between my lichen planus and the medication because it started before I was diagnosed. I’ve definitely been having a lot of fatigue lately and that could be due to anything from low thyroid, the meds, stress, or going into menopause. It’s rainy today and rainy days make me feel kind of groggy, so I don’t know.

Back to the roof, we’re not going to bother unless we need to. We’re just going to keep money set aside for an emergency patch if it leaks in the winter and money to have it redone in the summer. Hopefully, this will mean getting out of having to deal with it and leaving it to the next owner(s).

Tom said I never told him how Tammy was recovering. That’s because she never told me. She takes weeks to pick up messages so I don’t like to send much. It seems I hear less and less from her but I know she has a lot going on.

Tomorrow Aly turns 37. She’s suffering too, just in a different way.