Did both my legs thoroughly today, and while the Nair doesn’t give me the same smooth feeling I get when I shave, it’s definitely a good product now that I’m older.

Got back from a walk with Tom just in time to hear that loud car. This isn’t the first time I’d just gotten back to hear it or hadn’t left quick enough not to hear it. Again, it makes me wonder if something up there wants me to hear it. Fucking thing ended up making three trips in and out between 5:00 - 8:00.

The rainbow daisy sticker wouldn’t adhere to the bedroom wall because of the stupid sandpaper-like substance that was mixed into the paint. Looks great on the bedroom door though!

Took some adorable pictures of these little ducklings at the lake but I took them with my phone and I don’t know how to share those online. I can share with Aly on WhatsApp but that’s about it.

I absolutely LOVE the dance routine done in The AO! I totally loved the ending of the show. I was a bit confused, however, and was like, wait a minute, what just happened there? Why didn’t they show the shooter? Where did Prairie go in the end?

There seemed to be a lot of loose ends and unanswered questions as well as contradictions but that was part of what made it so unique and interesting. I’m hoping the mystifying ending was actually setting the stage for a second season. It was an awesome show so I really hope there is a second season!

I loved how the show focused on the possibility of parallel lives, something I can’t say I believe in wholeheartedly but I definitely believe is much more likely than any kind of an afterlife, reincarnation, gods, etc. Scientifically, this makes more sense and I can see where it could be possible as opposed to other more popular beliefs that I think people are taught and in some cases brainwashed into believing due more to a fierce need to believe than anything else. No one wants to accept that their loved ones could be gone forever and the way you don’t let go of them is to tell yourself they live on in some kind of afterlife. Maybe they really do too, just not quite in the way many people think, and in infinite numbers.

What makes me think multiple universes and parallel lives are possible isn’t just the science behind the theory, but my dreams as well. Many of my dreams seem to be a telltale sign given how amazingly detailed some of them can be, but again, I can’t be certain of anything. I don’t think any of us really can be.

The dance moves seemed silly at first but then I came to really like the intricate routine even if it may seem like a silly way to enter another dimension. Who knows, though? If there are parallel universes and multiple copies of ourselves in other dimensions, maybe there is something as simple as dabbing catchup on our foreheads that would allow us access to them.

I would love to visit another dimension as would Tom so long as we could both go, but then we may find ourselves entering a shitty existence compared to this one and there may be no guarantees we could get back. And how would we know anyway? If we suddenly slipped into another dimension, would we be watching our other selves from the outside in? Or would we morph into our other being and not know the difference? Let’s just say the theory is a very interesting concept that brings about many questions.

I also began the second season of 13 Reasons Why and I can’t help but be amazed at just how different things are now than they were when I tried to kill myself in my teens over 30 years ago. There are still many people who handle this sort of thing poorly and can make the person almost wish they’d succeeded, but it really does seem like we’re living in a time where everyone is responsible for our own behavior but us. No one would ever think for a fraction of a second 30 years ago to hold someone legally responsible for influencing someone’s suicide.

I’ve always been an advocate for people being held accountable for their own actions but I do kind of have mixed feelings about this one, especially the suicide of minors. People really do influence us. Kids don’t just throw themselves out of windows and break their arms like I did because their lives are great. Many adults helped make and mold me into the suicidal teenager I once was. But that was 1983 and the only one who was blamed for it was me.

After knowing Aly for a decade, I shared my ordeal with her and she actually thanked me for sharing it with her. I was surprised in a way because it was the first time anyone actually thanked me for sharing the sad and scary experience. Usually, people don’t want to hear stuff like that. They want all fluff and sunshine and that’s another thing I sort of get. I can barely stand to check in on Facebook to pick up messages because of all the negativity there. It’s always the same old depressing shit and I can see where those that spend too much time on Facebook can end up feeling pretty miserable. Stay close to the whirlpool long enough and it’s going to suck you down in it, you know?

Last night I dreamed I was in a gay bar. Tons of people suddenly came running into the bar and I knew they were up to no good. Then I watched, horrified, as someone literally pulled someone’s head off but instead of there being all kinds of blood and gore, the person suddenly turned into a mannequin. They were just a headless one at that point.

Then it was nighttime and I was walking along a street corner somewhere that was fairly crowded. I decided the weather was nice and I would go get my bike which was somewhere nearby.

In another dream, I complimented someone’s colorful shoes and they actually gave them to me even though they were a size 7.

Later…

I haven’t decided for sure but I might give up on Bubbly for a while. Too many glitches. Too slow. Some of my posts lose the audio and there’s no play button visible on the post so I don’t know if I’m going to keep going with it.

Not much to update today other than some dreams. Even though it’s the evening I’ve chosen to work in the bedroom until Monday night because the car stereos on the freeway get to be too much in the living room. Again, a reality in most places or not, it’s pretty fucking sad. Like really fucking sad that I have to be run out of my own living room due to noise coming from hundreds of feet away.

There is nothing more selfish than those that constantly mention people they know damn well have been abusive to others. Yeah, that would be my nieces who still mention their bastard father every few days. They really are going to have a rough life if they still can’t move on at least a little, and they’re hurting themselves at the same time they’re annoying people like me and I would think Tammy as well. Bastard’s been dead nearly 2 years now, though I have a feeling Tammy isn’t nearly as bothered by the regular reminders of his sorry existence as I am.

And Sarah’s constant selfies that all look the same, argh! Is she really that desperate for compliments? For confirmation that she’s still attractive despite her weight? I know it’s their account and they can post whatever they want, but this is why I rarely follow them. Same old shit every time I check.

So the dreams. All my rats died in one of them except for Simon, but in reality, none of them show any signs of the end being near. I’m sure if they were as wonderful as Tinkerbell they would be dead by now. The question is, even though it seems I’ve been destined to get nothing but shy rats with the exception of Tinkerboy and Sugar since coming to this state, it may be hard not to get new rats between these rats and whenever we get a dog. I kind of miss baby rats. I love how soft their fur is and the way they can climb and jump so easily while they’re still young, thin and agile.

In another dream, Tom and I must have had a daughter that was one or two years old. We were bringing her to the ER. While Tom went in with her I waited by the reception area and noticed that the receptionists had cots instead of chairs so they could lay back and relax when they weren’t dealing with customers.

Then I realized I didn’t have my purse with me and began to freak out that it had been stolen even though I didn’t remember leaving it anywhere. Hoping I had just forgotten to take it with me, I did find it sitting on a chair at home later on and was so relieved.

“I would have had to get a new ID and all that had it been stolen,” I said to Tom who nodded knowingly.