Yesterday I felt so much better. My day started off slightly borderline and then I felt great. I didn’t take anything at all yesterday. Today I took my levothyroxine and sure enough, towards the middle of my day, I can feel the anxiety picking up. I still think the statins likely compounded it, but for the millionth time, what the fuck is wrong with me??? I thought about it and came up with 7 possibilities which I’ve listed below.

Low thyroid
Medication/brands
Hormones
Stress
Developed anxiety disorder
Location
Something else

Okay, now let’s analyze them one at a time. The low thyroid itself seems unlikely because my thyroid didn’t fail the day before I was diagnosed. I’m almost positive it was low for a few years before they tested it.

As I said, the statins may have compounded it and I don’t doubt that I’ve had issues with different brands. But these thyroid pills are Sandoz, so it got me thinking about the inconsistencies I read about and how generic manufacturers aren’t as consistent as name brands. Could my anxiety be worse because I got an extra potent batch? It’s still ironic that my problems with anxiety didn’t start until a few months after I started this shit.

As for hormones and stress, it seems a bit much to be those things. I’ve never heard of any case of hormonal changes that a woman goes through at my age being this bad and even my doctor said she didn’t think it was only about that.

Also, I’ve been faced with MUCH more stressful situations than moving and having appointments, yet I never went through this before. Besides, you typically handle stressful situations better with age, not worse.

Analyzing the possibility of developing an anxiety disorder…possible but unlikely. People do develop different disorders at different ages in life, so I realize that it’s a possibility even if it still seems unlikely to me. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s my gut instinct that’s telling me that’s not it.

Then there is the least likely possibility and that has to do with being so close to a cemetery or something about this house or the general area itself. That would be the best thing it could be, but I highly doubt this one the most.

The last possibility I thought of this some other underlying health condition that hasn’t been discovered yet that could be causing this but that too, doesn’t seem likely.

I think the main culprits are connected to the medications and wacky hormones but hopefully not that I developed an anxiety disorder or that it’s become how my body reacts to low thyroid because if the last two are even remotely possible, then I’m forever doomed for sure.

I just wish I knew what things were having a hand in it and how much of a hand they have! Really starting to fear this is never going to go away no matter how postmenopausal I become.

If I absolutely had to guess right now, I would say the number one culprit is connected to the medication somehow. I think there are probably just inconsistencies from bottle to bottle and maybe even from pill to pill, I don’t know. Runner-up to that would be hormones still changing.

I may skip again tomorrow and see how I feel. If I feel better on days I skip, then that tells me something. I haven’t decided for sure yet. Of course I don’t want to be anxious, but I don’t want to be hypo either. But to think my life is going to be a constant battle of Would You Rather? makes me want to beat my fucking head into the wall.

The only good thing is that if I continue to feel this way after the move, then I can narrow the list down to 6 possibilities.

Tom applied for a few jobs and there was a casino job he thought might actually be fun where you walk around with a cart with change for people and all that. Yeah, but I’d hate for him to be around all that second-hand smoke and I also hate the idea of him working before he’s vaccinated. It would also take time away from the prepping and all that and dealing with realtors. Really hope he won’t have to work until after the move and only if he wants to for extras like going on cruises.

I don’t think Virginia’s home. At 9 o’clock I looked over there and there wasn’t any light on, yet she never goes to bed that early. I hope nothing’s wrong for her sake, almost 88 or not!

The frames came today, and we framed the palm trees diamond painting I finished last night. It looks great! Had to put purple poster board behind it because it was a little narrow for the frame. The length was perfect, though.

The two unicorn diamond paintings came today as well which I plan to do for Aly’s birthday.

Ordered a 12x12 painting of various mandalas for myself and a set of 6 Freshly Baked fragrance oils - Blueberry Pancakes, Caramel Nut Muffin, Butterscotch Cookie Dough, Cinnabon, Chocolate Fondue, Creamy Nutmeg.