Damn, do I miss the old me! The one who didn’t feel nearly this shitty this often, and when she did, she usually had a reason to. I miss the old me who could take pleasure in the simplest things from the sound of rain to the way a lamp shone down upon stuff in the room. Silly little things that could send those feel-good vibes coursing through my body like the way a faucet would run or knowing that the place was clean and tidy. Damn, do I miss her! This person I once was and that I fear I’ll never be again.

Yeah, not a great day physically or emotionally but I know it’s way too soon for any positive results if I’m going to get any at all. I slept absolutely shitty as hell after being up for 18 hours yesterday. This medication can cause insomnia, but it might have been a coincidence since this happens to me a few times a month anyway. Too soon to say, though. It will depend on how I sleep tonight. I sure am tired, though. I have been all day.

The only things I experienced that were a bit unnerving were the partial runs and a strange feeling in my face and mouth. The latter was the one that was kind of unnerving. My cheeks felt flushed and warm for the first few hours after taking my second dose, and my nose and lips felt a bit tingly. When I took a bite of food, I had a funny feeling in my mouth and it was a little hard to taste the food at first. Ugh, why can’t I just be one of those who can take whatever medication she needs to take?! Why does there always have to be a problem?

The only other thing I noticed was that my appetite is down a bit. Usually, it’s the other way around when I’m tired because lack of sleep often triggers hunger hormones.

Still have a little tingling in the area above my upper lip and my nose. He didn’t see that mentioned in the side effects so I’m going to assume it’s not dangerous and will go away within a week or so. I didn’t have that after taking my first dose, though, so taking my third is going to be a little scary. He said the only thing I should really need to be concerned with is whether or not I experience suicidal thoughts.

So I felt a bit warm during the first part of my day but had no fever. I just don’t understand why the anxiety got so much worse all of a sudden when I’m at a time when it should be getting better. At least that’s what I thought, anyway.

I just hope this anxiety issue is resolved once and for fucking all! I can’t play this game all my life. I just can’t. I really need to be done with it by the time we move so I can focus on that without such a huge distraction. Moving is stressful enough and I don’t need any shit dampening the exciting part.

My sleep mask with Bluetooth came today. Don’t know how comfortable or effective it will be, but I’ll soon find out. They’re going to give me a $15 Amazon gift card for leaving a review in 5 days.