The 3 traits I like best in a person are honesty, a sense of humor, and intelligence. Anyone who knows me knows I hate lying but I realize I’m kind of doing that to myself when I do the chant Stacey taught me to do along with the tapping. I’m supposed to say, “I hate this anxiety but I still love and accept myself.”

Well, the truth is that I like myself but don’t exactly love myself. And accept myself? There’s no fucking way I could accept this anxiety for the rest of my life. If it doesn’t back off in a year or two, I’m going to have to make the toughest decision of my life and that’s either except that I may be doomed to suffer for the rest of it or end it all. I really, really still hope that it’s not mostly tied in with the Levothyroxine! Damn, do I hope it is the hormones!

Took the fourth dose when I got up and the tingling is back. Didn’t have it yesterday. I don’t know why it’s every other day. Haven’t yet been really cold today either like I’ve been getting lately.

I had some anxiety at the end of my day yesterday but not as much as the day before. Had more today, though. I’m at the critical point now where if this medication is going to backfire on me, it should happen within the next few doses or so and I’m afraid that’s what it’s going to do. I’m not sure what would be worse…the shit backfiring on me enough to have to stop it, or for the side effects to go away but not the anxiety.

Read some more of my 2015 journal. When I took Prozac, I mentioned getting facial tingling then as well along with a horrible sore throat. I forgot about that! Please tell me a sore throat isn’t next! I totally feel like something wants me to be anxious and doesn’t want me to figure out how to treat it.

Messaged Doc A and asked about the tingling. I don’t know if it’s something I should be concerned about or that will go away on its own.

Agitation is another common side effect Tom read about and I’m definitely agitated at the moment. Stopping alcohol can also do this and I realize that when I do start drinking again, I shouldn’t drink every day but more like once or twice a week. Either way, I still have serious doubts about this medication helping me. Ugh, I just wish this shit would stop so I can focus on the move!

We measured a section in the living room that’s approximately the size of one of the two moving pods we’re getting and are stacking totes to get a sense of the best way to pack them and how much they will hold.

Got my sleep mask the other day and it’s definitely not something I’m going to use every time I sleep. It’s too bulky and can be a little uncomfortable in certain positions. It will be great for hotels, though, and things like that to help drown out his snoring. I paired it with Alexa.

Tom has been sick these last few days and we’re not sure why. He’s had the runs and lung tightness as I mentioned yesterday. His lungs are better but his stomach is still a little funky. He envies that I’ve been stuck.

Been exchanging messages and funny memes with Andy but I don’t want to go back and forth 50 million times a day like we used to, so I’m waiting until he crashes. Or until I at least think he has. The guy never sleeps. He crashes late and he gets up early.

So he is still in the same condo he got from his mother and the Asian couple is still in the condo next door that used to be his mother’s. He said that ever since the son moved out and went to college, it’s been quiet over there and considers it his forever home.

I was thrilled for him when he told me that he’s been so much happier since he quit the pot and never thought he’d be so happy this late in life, but he is indeed very happy.

I envy him! Really hope I’m compensated one day in the emotional department as we were in the financial department after years and years of struggling. I really believed we would be dirt poor all our lives yet I was wrong so I’m hoping I’m wrong about thinking the anxiety is untreatable and won’t ever go away on its own. Tom says with confidence that he’s sure it will go away and he just knows it will and all that, especially once we get rid of the unknown and we know where we’re going to be and all that. Plus, my hormones are going to continue to change over the next year or two.

If there’s one thing I miss about my childhood it’s being able to automatically believe whatever I’m told. Now the best I can do is just hope to hell he’s right!

I don’t know why but Facebook no longer allows you to block people that have blocked you. It’s a good thing I learned that when I unblocked Maliheh to see if she unblocked me (she didn’t as I figured) so that I know not to unblock Lisa to see if she’s unblocked me since I couldn’t reblock her.

Watching a movie about the Menendez brothers on LMC. If the father really molested the boys and the mother looked the other way, then the parents got what they deserved.

Also, the upcoming trial of the pig that suffocated the black thug is a joke. I mean let me guess…pig gets off scot-free and then a riot breaks out, right? How many innocent people will have to lose their lives over this one?