My video appointment with Doc A yesterday went better than expected. First, a nurse called and checked me in by asking for my vitals, height, and weight, but as I told her, I hadn’t taken my vitals. I wasn’t expecting a call because no one called the first time I had a video appointment.

Then I was put in the virtual waiting room. This time Doc A was 20 minutes late instead of 45. I really thought she wasn’t going to have anything new to suggest I try. She didn’t have any recommendations for anything OTC and agreed that the magnesium was pointless. However, she did recommend bupropion which I’ll start tomorrow. It’s an anti-depressant that’s used not just for depression but for general anxiety as well as quitting smoking, pain management, and other things. As I told her, I’m pretty desperate, so I’ll try anything at this point. The anxiety gets so bad at times that it overrides any medication fears, not that I’m not still a bit worried about it, of course. But it’s not an SSRI or Benzo.

Tom and I agreed I wouldn’t look it up so I wouldn’t be paranoid and worried about what I may find, though he looked it up. I guess the only real concern is for those who are bipolar. I did ask Doc A if there was anything I should worry about and she said I might get a headache or an upset stomach. She said to message her if I have any problems but I’m really hoping to hell that this is it! This will stop the anxiety without killing me in the process! I’d really hate to find the answer to my anxiety just to not be able to tolerate the treatment that could help me get back to living a normal life. I swear I’m going to feel like something up there wants me to suffer if it backfires on me in any way. Hopefully, it won’t be the other way around either where I don’t have side effects but still get stabbed with random waves of adrenaline. It can take a couple of weeks to work and I guess six weeks to get the full effects. It’s a long-acting, 24-hour-release drug.

She also recommended returning to therapy but I wasn’t about to return the Stacey when I just told her we were leaving. But that’s not the main reason. The main reasons are money and the fact that I don’t see what else we could possibly discuss that could help me. I truly believe my problem is physiological and not anything evil going on in my mind or my life. If that were the case, I would have had this problem decades ago when my life was much worse.

It’s up to me of course, but if I ever did need a therapist again, Tom had a really good point when he suggested seeing someone else since no one therapist knows it all, and maybe they would have additional tools that could help me. It’s true that not all therapists are the same. Look how much more helpful Stacey was as opposed to Dana.

We’re going to Rite Aid in a few hours and pick up my prescription along with his blood pressure medication. I won’t be starting until tomorrow because I’m going to take it a half-hour after I take my thyroid medication. So I’ll take it when I have my coffee. She recommended I don’t have any wine for the first week.

Oh, how wonderful it would be to not get anxious and to be able to take my thyroid medication every day without skipping! And to get a great offer on the house and then eventually return to the statins without issues! But that’s likely too good to be true. I can still hope, though.

Decided I’m going to do three-minute sprints on the treadmill every 10 hours. I’m going to walk briskly for 2 minutes at 3 miles an hour and then I’ll jog at 4 miles an hour for the last minute.

My random variety pack of incense came yesterday and I’m liking it so far although I’ve only tried a few scents. It’s incredibly strong incense!

I had a dream last night that started in present times and then jumped back in time. It started off with Andy living in Florida and Tom and I getting ready to move there as we are in real life. I called Andy and asked him where in Florida he was living. He hesitated a moment and I told him that he didn’t have to tell me anything he didn’t want to, but what was it like where he was?

Then we were both back in Massachusetts and my parents were alive. He was still waiting tables as well. One late afternoon he walked to my place from the restaurant he worked at on his break and walked me back to the restaurant where I hung out with him for a while.

There were people seated at a large booth that we both seemed to know at one point. When the sun was beginning to set I decided it was time to go home, only I wasn’t sure I could remember the way back to my place on my own since I’d only recently moved back there. I didn’t have my cell phone on me so I went to use the payphone to call my mother to come and pick me up, but then realized I didn’t know her number by heart which was programmed into my phone.

So I hung up frustrated and unsure of what to do. I didn’t want to bug Andy to bring me back since it would be a while before his shift ended but was afraid of getting lost if I set out on foot, especially with the sun setting and making it harder to see.

In real life, he and I have been swapping funny memes.