I did several things earlier. I briefly spoke with Andy, showered and straightened my hair, typed letters to my parents, Kim, and Bob, changed the printer’s ribbon and revised the master grocery list. I also made baked potatoes and pudding, played with Piggy, listened to music, typed up more of 84, and soon I’ll do the dishes and work more on my puzzle.

One of my journal notes on my list I have here says, “inter.” What the hell’s that supposed to mean? I can’t even understand my own notes tonight.

It looks like Tom did some more work on the back room today. He’s been amazing lately.

I feel much better now and believe I’m well on my way to dealing with knowing for sure we’ll never have a kid. I’m proud of myself for not bringing it up too, and even dreaded the thought of him bringing it up, but he didn’t.

When I was typing 84, I had said that I’d be thrilled about his not cumming if it weren’t for my trying to conceive. I’m surprised I wrote that cuz for the longest time, I felt like I wasn’t doing a good enough job. It is a little insulting and it may always be, but for the most part, I can see myself not caring either way. I suppose I will always appreciate not having to deal with his cum all over. If we ever slept together there’ll be cum cuz he gets off in his sleep. Or by his own self, but not by his wife. Anyway as the reality of his never cumming sets in deeper and deeper, there are two reasons why my attitude is - fine, don’t cum. Cuz it keeps things cleaner, and personally, I’m not as eager to be great in bed so I can feel less insulted by his not cumming and showing me that I’m good enough to get him off. Not after the stunt he pulled about knowing he’d never cum and all this BS kid talk. I’m sure I’ll be glad, though, as I get older cuz I still don’t know if I could ever handle having and raising a kid. If he says, “But, I’m going to cum anytime now,” I won’t be like, “Oh, yeah? No, you won’t, cuz I know you better.” I’ll just say something like, “Sure honey. Anything you say.”

He stopped and checked the prices on that bed I mentioned. They go from $500-$1000 bucks. Out of our budget and probably out of the question, too.

He requested a catalog on bookbinding and all sorts of ways to make them.

I don’t know what you call it, but it’s like a lacy, plastic puffy thing you use with that body shampoo I got. Well, I had gotten a pink one which fell apart, so today he got me a new one which is great. I envisioned a multicolored one too, so that’s pretty neat. It’s got pink, purple, green, blue, red, yellow, peach, light blue and I’m sure there are a few other colors.

Back in 1987, as I’ve said and written, I had a feeling about something big going down in 1994. Well, I was half right. It didn’t have anything to do with singing as I had thought and hoped, but lots of stuff did happen. Well, my point is that for some reason I have a feeling about something going on in 1997. I have no idea what it could be, but I hope it’s nothing bad if I’m right.

I remember what “inter” meant. It was a note about house interest rates. Andy said he heard this too, and Tom told me about it. I don’t know how it works, but interests are at an all-time low and will probably be that way for quite a while. Tom said, “We may be in a position to move soon,” but I still say it’ll be at least 2-3 years. Maybe that’s in 1997.

I guess the move to Vermont must be really rough on Alex or keeping him incredibly busy. No word from him by AOL or regular mail in about a month.

I had a weird dream with Kim in it. I told her about it in my letter to her and I’m sure she’ll get quite a laugh over it. In the dream, she bought a house out here. I was over visiting. I sat in her living room and while she stepped out into her kitchen, 4 of my bottom teeth fell out!

Andy met the guy below him who he thinks is a dealer cuz he’s always home, has weird hours and a slew of people coming and going. One night he was cranking his music when a friend of his and Diana’s stomped real hard. He came up and said, “Music doesn’t bother me, but could you please not walk so hard?”

Andy said, “Sure, but could you please lower your base on your stereo?”

He did and Andy says he’s really nice and loves his new apartment I’m glad he does, but I wonder how the guy can deal with Andy’s regular walking which is like stomping.

Lastly, he says Diana’s moving out soon. She’s gonna live with this guy who’s in a wheelchair rent-free while she helps him out, so that’s good. He’s really happy, though, to realize that he truly can live with someone.