Suspicions, suspicions, and more suspicions about Tom and this baby crap go on. He tells me he understands my feelings. Well, that’s fine, cuz I’m done analyzing the situation, done hoping, done having faith. It’s time for that hysterectomy now. When I go to see Dr. Rugg on the 30th, I’ll set up appointments to go under the knife one last time for Operation 20. I told Tom that I’ll have to lie and tell them I don’t want a child. He said, “If you have the operation, you’re saying you do not want a child. That’s the facts.”

Well, it’s not a fact and that’s not the way I see it. I see it like this - I do want one, but I can’t have one, so why deal with periods till I’m 50-something?

Later...

I was gonna write earlier, but I was just too damn pissed. First I awoke to find my right upper wisdom tooth is popping out, then it was another slap of reality. Instead of getting into too much right now, I’ll just quickly run through the basics.

I’m not due for my period till the 14th, so why I’ve been spotting for 3 days beats me. Obviously, all went well with the ultrasound, or else they’d have called me.

Bob tried to call 4-5 times today, but the one time I answered, I yelled the word, “No!” Then he tried once more, but I turned the ringer off. Before that, though, he left two messages from the prison when we were swimming. I’m rather surprised he did try calling. I thought he’d say to himself, “God, I’m so upset by her letter and I’d like to call her but I won’t cuz I know that’ll piss her off even more and lessen her chances of being my friend again.”

What else is going on? Tom and I went out and picked up that Scotch Guard. He sprayed the flag with it, and our new floral lounge chair.

I got a sheet of press-on dry decals with all kinds of pretty designs. I have them in here and in 90 & 93. I got a new binder and really pretty computer paper. There are 20 sheets of 10 different colors.

Tomorrow I’ll expand more on several subjects. Tomorrow I’ll also be making a dentist appointment. Right now I’m gonna go crash. I am extremely tired.