Larry called Wednesday night, as I said before. I only spoke to him cuz Sandy, Larry and Jennifer were asleep. He loved the envelope I last sent him and he said he saved it. The one with the tiny colorful lines on the front and the: Oh no, Tammy called! On the back with changeable markers inside of musical notes. I just sent him another letter with flowers on the front and fish on the back. I also wrote, “This letter sent at 87º,” and then I drew a snowman with a long flowing scarf, sort of like a banner and on it, I wrote, “Are you ready for the snow?!” He said it was only 38º at the time we were talking.

He bought a trucking business. There are 10 trucks for starters that will be delivering all kinds of things nationwide. He won’t be driving, though, but may possibly have to come to Phoenix on a business trip. He’ll be in Florida this weekend on business and will be seeing Mom and Dad.

I’m shocked, but he said that if he is invited to Lisa’s bat mitzvah, he will go. Sandy probably won’t go.

I got a kick out of how he said he saw Dad on America’s Most Wanted. Now why didn’t I think of that one?

He also asked: Why do blondes have long tampon strings? The answer is: So that the crabs can go bungee jumping.

He and Tom said hello to each other, too. I think that’s basically all we chatted about, but if I remember more, I’ll write it in.

Later...

Tom asked me if I’d try going with no cigarettes for as long as I can on the 30th. I wish I could get him to cum regularly in exchange for it. In fact, he may find it a perfect opportunity and take advantage of that situation to cum once. Cuz then I’ll have to go 24 hours with no cigarettes, then he can go back to never cumming. Nah - he’s too stubborn to cum and very against that baby. Especially with us trying to go back east in May and money being kind of tight.

He better not lie about cumming, though, before the 15th. Maybe he’ll cum by my hand. That way I can see it and it can’t get me pregnant. I’ve given up on trying so many different things to make him cum. I’ve also given up on trying to discourage it too, cuz usually when you try to encourage/discourage him one way, he goes the other way and has admitted this.

I’ll just wait and see if I can get him in to see a doctor in 17 months. This deal, though, really has helped to give me peace of mind and to make me less anxious, stressed out and trapped. All that could happen is that he could refuse to see a doctor when the time comes or stall it.

Later...

OK, I’m now in between spotting and fully flowing, so I guess it’s enough to consider myself at mid-cycle on the 3rd of November. However, I’ll let Tom know it fully began on the 22nd, which it wasn’t supposed to till then anyway. This is the 3rd month in a row of getting my period early. At least I had no bad emotional PMSing. I did mention having a little more than spotting and he suggested I not mark it till the 22nd, so he’ll believe I’m mid-cycle on Nov. 5th. I wonder how it works. I think that even though I’m only a little beyond spotting that it still does count as the start of my period. Anyway, I marked it in 83 as beginning today, but we’ll see how he acts on both the 3rd and the 5th of Nov.

We screwed earlier since he can’t go down on me for a while cuz of the crotch cream. First we tried doggie style which didn’t work, as it never has with me. So, we screwed in our regular position, and as always, he stopped when I came. He really acted like he felt left out, but personally, I think it was all an act. Don’t get me wrong. He chooses to be left out, but he brought up wishing he could be taken care of and how he doesn’t always have to stop just when I cum. Then why did he? I believe he’s only saying this cuz I’ve mentioned how sex is only for me. Sometimes he feeds off of what I say. However, I’ve gotten used to our sex being the way it is, as I’ve come to accept that it is the way it is and that it’ll never change. Especially what with knowing we can go to a doctor for a kid in ‘97. I’d have preferred to get the kid the old-fashioned way, but this is how it’ll be unless there’s something irreversibly wrong with me, or if he comes out and tells me he really doesn’t want a kid and that he’s sorry he led me on and let it get this far, or if he puts his actions where his mouth is and he cums.

Dr. Rausch reminded me that it’s important to get a negative pap with my being DES-exposed. That, I feel may either never happen or may take forever to achieve, but when I call to make an appointment with Dr. Rugg I’ll mention being mid-cycle to Tom on the 5th and that I’ll try to get as close to that as I can.

Later...

Yes, I officially have a normal period going here. Good. It’ll make me feel better. I could use a normal heavier period for a change.

I am so very accurately psychic when it comes to periods and Tom’s cumming. I know I’ll win our bet. I know I’ll get periods in November and December. Part of it is logic too, Tom’s actions, and the way God works.

Last Wednesday, Law & Order was a new episode, so I guess they had a problem of some kind with the previous show.

Later...

Shit! My body’s acting like it did 10 years ago when I’d barely eat and gain weight or stay the same. Up till recently I could gorge and stay the same weight. All day yesterday I was 104 and here’s what I ate: one TV dinner, 1½ Slim-Fast milkshakes, one granola bar, popcorn and coffee.

When I got up today I was 103 till an hour ago and all I had today was: 2 pork chops, a baked potato, half a Slim-Fast shake, a yogurt, a granola bar and coffee (sour cream & margarine with my baked potato).

So why the hell am I back to 104 when I’m not constipated and am ragging?! I must do what I did 10 years ago and starve for 3 days to shock my system, and speed up my metabolism, then hopefully I won’t have to worry even though I’m nearly 30 and not 19.

Later...

I just did a little test on the computer. Earlier I was copying and pasting my songs into the file that’ll be Journal 100, but it wouldn’t let me print them out without popping up a message to me saying there was an error in that application. This made me fear I wouldn’t be able to type a page in jour100 and print it out, but luckily I had no problem. I typed up a page, printed it out, then threw it in an NPN envelope.