Three more days till my period. Great. Then I can get some of this water off of me and my tits won’t be so sore. In a way, I wish my periods weren’t so light. I know that’d call for more cramps, but it may help my tits to be less sore and it may help me be less watery. Plus, there’s always Ibuprofen for the cramps.

I know Tom really wants to go back east this May. I can tell it means a lot to him, therefore, all the more reason why I know he’ll never cum. It means a lot to me too, and if I were pregnant now, then who knows how many more years it’d be before we went to see them.

Also, money’s tight now. We’re far from starving and he says we can afford a kid, but I’m not so sure.

I believe he wants a kid (or at least I want to believe he does), but I believe much, much more so, that he’s having fun playing this game and will play it till ‘97. Then, he’ll no doubt stall on making a doctor’s appointment which will probably stop me from wanting to go to a doctor, then it’ll be over.

I’m still having an easier time dealing with not having a kid ever, due to our agreement as silly as I know that is. I’ll never be able to get this guy in to see a doctor with me. No, I’m not gonna bring up the injection to the doctor tomorrow. I’ll just let Tom play his game. It’ll only be for 17½ more months.

I told him, though, that on 11/15, he’s gonna have to face the fact that he can’t win our bet and I’m not giving him another month, cuz he’ll ask for another month until the day he dies.

Damn! I’ve been having a bad lung day and night. It had been fine for the last 2-3 days. Maybe it’s the oil paintings. I swear that shit will never dry. I also finished the fish mural and sprayed clear spray paint over that.

Later...

I’m in the bedroom now and this room still smells of paint.

Tom’s going to the racetrack with his folks on Saturday to try to further his luck, and he wanted to show them our paintings. However, I’m not so sure they’ll be dry even by then.

During an episode of Little House on the Prairie yesterday afternoon, a commercial came on to order videos of the show. So, I called their 800# and they didn’t ask for a credit card and told me they’d send a bill later. So, hopefully in 3-4 weeks, it’ll get here.

Tom may do computer work for Eldon this Sunday since I’ll be asleep for most of the day.

Anyway, Andy was over, as I said earlier. Tom and I were experimenting with the 4-track he lent us when Larry called.

Andy liked the paintings, the fish art, and he really thought the giant cat was way cool. I showed him journals he hasn’t seen, as well as Dad and another video. He too, got a kick out of people’s clothes and hairstyles from nearly 30 years ago.

We sat outside on the bench swing and talked while Piggy was down by our feet eating grass.

I also helped him find some notes and chords to a song he wrote using the keyboard and the guitar.

He says he can see that I’ve gained weight. Well, believe me, I intend to do something about it. Being fat is part of being a mom for the most part, but I’m never gonna be a mom, so I have no reason or excuse to weigh 104 pounds. At 104 I look 120. At 100 I look 115 and at 95 I look 110, so I guess I’d like to get down somewhere between 95-100.

Tom says periods are a way of cleaning a woman’s body and that minor infections are usually flushed out by periods. Either way, I want it gone and I don’t want to be infected constantly like I used to be. Especially during times I was sexually active. I may have a husband with a low sex drive, but I still hope I’m not paying for and being compensated by the few times we manage to get together here and there. When I asked Tom if God was getting me due to wanting a kid, he said he wouldn’t get me over something natural and morally correct. Well, if it’s so natural and morally correct, why won’t he let Tom let himself cum and let me have one?

Anyway, I gave Andy back the pink lace shirt to give to Pam. Also, about 12 NPN envelopes for him to mail.

Only 60 pages left, then I can begin typing the coyote one. Can’t believe I’m 60 pages away from journal 100!

I’ll write up on my chat with Larry some other time. I’m a little tight-lunged right now and I just want to go relax.

Later...

The doctor’s appointment went OK today. He told me to take an extra 6 hits a day of the Azmacort if I’m having trouble. Last night I sure was tight and wheezy. He also recommended stuff for downstairs, so I got over-the-counter stuff. I also had a flu shot in one arm and a pneumonia shot in the other.

They weighed me at 105 pounds, even though I’ve shit and only had one granola bar and one TV dinner. So, I got 6 Slim-Fast shakes and am on a diet till I get between 95-100. I don’t understand my gaining weight when none of my habits have changed and I can’t be pregnant. Even Andy noticed although he says I still look OK and I still look solid. Could it be related to stopping the Theo? Maybe it’s just age. They say around 30 is when a woman begins to fall apart (unless she’s had a kid before then). Infections down there can bloat a woman, so hopefully after I use the cream and get my period, I won’t be such a balloon.

I’m coughing up shit now, so that means that I’ll probably be sneezing tomorrow.

An EC was put on next door. Tom says there’s no way it’ll cool the whole house cuz it looked small.

Tom agrees with me that there’s no chance the place will be empty for a year. The weather’s been very warm for this time of year. In the 90s, rather than the 80s, so once it cools down another 10º - 15º, I’m sure the kids and dogs will move in then. It’s still October, though. An unlucky month in some cases around here. October’s when the M’s moved in and when the music crowd gave their concerts 2-4 times a week for nearly 6 months.

I found a better way to put up my puzzles, rather than to tack or nail them up. There’s this clear gel-like stuff that’s sticky on both sides. When I use this, it sags less. I may take down about 12 of them and put them back up using this stuff. If we ever do move and they get ruined - fine. I’ll just start a new collection.