I’m almost done reading the Amy Fisher story I borrowed from Mom. This girl did very wrong, and deserves to be locked up with the key thrown away, but she sure was fucked over and taken advantage of. All the people involved are classic examples of how dishonest, complex, contradicting, lying, exaggerating, and desperate for attention people are. The world is so much into opposite doing. You tell the world right; the world goes left.

I had another weird, yet funny bird dream last night. We moved, and there was a big hole in the bedroom screen of the window. Maybe 6 inches wide. Tom said he didn’t feel like fixing it right away, so I went to bed with a can of Raid by the bed. Somehow, either we moved the birds over there with us, or they followed us and as I lay there on my way to sleep, I thought to myself how I was curious to see where the birds would choose their eating spot to be.

So as I was waking up when the sun was halfway up, the birds flew in through the window one by one. They flew from the bedroom to the kitchen and I said, “Oh, so this is where you guys want to be fed, huh?” 

As I threw seeds for them all over the kitchen floor I said, “Shit! I shouldn’t have done that cuz I don’t want to always have to step around seeds, pull seeds from under appliances, and have the floor all dutied up and now it’s too late. I can never get them out of here now.”

Later…

I wonder if Andy’s back yet. I’m glad my friend’s back or is on his way back, but boy is he gonna be desperate to catch up on his long phone convos! Yuck! He still loves to live on the phone.

Tammy got the bird pictures today along with my letter. She didn’t get into my letter, gladly enough, cuz I’m sick of it and my days of heavy-duty and heated phone conversations or letters are over with as far as my family back east goes. We heard each other out and that’s it.

We got a real kick-ass dust storm at around 4 PM. One of my birds was trying to fly and it looked so funny cuz his wings were flapping, but he wasn’t going anywhere. Not till he turned around and rode with the wind onto the patio where I gave him some seeds. I know birds can sense when a storm is coming, but I guess they can’t sense those sudden dust storms. I hope they’re all OK.

I guess Tom got tired of figuring and speculating about what was going on with me. He says he doesn’t know and has no guesses or ideas about it. He doesn’t like it when I say anything with certainty, yet I do feel almost certain that my body simply got confused and couldn’t get pregnant and couldn’t kick in a regular period, either. I’m still a little watery and my boobs are a little sore, but the spotting has stopped. I’m still sure (I can say whatever I want in here and as often without annoying anyone) that my next period will either be the same or heavier.

Poor Tom overdid today. He trimmed the hell out of the Palo Verde tree out front which hasn’t been trimmed in ages. He conked out a short while ago.

Later…

Oh, yuck! I am so bloated right now, it’s pitiful. The weird thing about it is that I’m only 100 pounds yet I feel 120 pounds.

I realized something about these journals. Guess I don’t ever have to worry about anyone ever reading them, dead or alive, cuz most people hate repetition. Well, there’s certainly enough in here! That I will admit. I wonder what the next long-term, weird, unique issue I’m going to have to deal with for at least two or more years will be.

Robin tried to come by last night, so to speak. She was crying, it seemed, begging me to forgive her for being wrong about next door. She said she would never tell me anything in the future without consulting with God first, for a guarantee of what she says. She also says that she knows I’ve had my curiosities and questions lately, then she goes on to say she won’t give details, but that this time, there’s a very, very very, very excellent chance I’m pregnant. Uh-huh, right. Go away, I told her. Just go away. Whatever’s gonna happen or not happen is gonna be for me to see and find out on my own. Not what she or anyone else says.

Well, Tom’s got 24 days left to tell me what this big secret of his was. I’ve had my ideas, but am still stumped as to what it could be. My guess is a trip to California or some kind of trip, cuz it’s coming up on his vacation time. It better not be, “Guess what? We can go see your family now!” 

No fucking way. That’s OK. I’ll pass. If they ever want to come out here, fine. But I ain’t going there and that includes everyone I know there back east from my parents to Tammy and Larry and Kim. If anyone wants to see me, they’re gonna have to find a way to get out here.

Piggy really, really loves his water bowl. He drinks out of it constantly and he loves his new salt spool, too.

Well, I think I’ll go finish up that Amy Fisher book now. Tomorrow I’ll do some more envelopes up for Larry and maybe some drawings of my own, too, in my sketchbook.

Later…

I didn’t finish the Amy book, but I came close. I’ll finish it later or tomorrow. In a little while, I’m gonna watch TV. That is if the reception’s any good. For now, it’s more computer games.