You’re not gonna believe this, but Social Security sent me a bill for $32 in my maiden name. I can’t believe they’d try to sucker money from me that we all know I don’t owe after being off it for two years. Tom says he’s gonna call them and see what the hell kind of stunt they’re trying to pull, but let me guess - since I’m not on it for them to harass me once or twice a year, they’re gonna harass me for bullshit money every two years now that I’m off it?

Right now I am a bundle of nerves. My thoughts are racing and my heart is pounding. This weekend was another shitty and good weekend, but things are gonna get steadily worse around here which I’ll get into after.

Saturday morning we went to Walmart and PetSmart. I got a blue floral 1-piece bathing suit which I’m not too thrilled about, but I’ll get used to it. Tom says he loves it, though, and that I look like a sexy woman in it.

I also got an electric pencil sharpener and 5 really cute and colorful journals that were just over $3 each. They’re a little smaller than most of my journals, but some of my journals are of very different sizes, anyway.

I also got 2 cat mugs and I love them. They’re so cute and they have so many cute cat mugs, so for now, I’ll lay off the doggie mug collection and collect kitty mugs. One has 3 little kittens outdoors and sitting in a basket. I love the detail of it as it has a nice blue sky, trees, grass, etc. I also have a close-up shot of a cat sticking its tongue out.

So on Saturday, I was beat and ready for bed at around 2 PM. Did next door wake me up? No, but they will. Instead, it was a power failure that hit 15 states all the way from Texas to Oregon. It woke me up cuz the sounds weren’t normal. The fan was off and I was hearing cars and trucks. It got quite hot in here and the power was off for about 5 hours. I had been beat, thanks to next door, so God picked a hell of timing to curse the western US! It had gotten so hot in here that I was out in the pool when the power came back on and you could hear people cheering. Why couldn’t this have happened in the winter and when I wasn’t backed up in my sleep?

I should’ve listened to Tom. Things are gonna get worse next door cuz everyone’s so determined to do the opposite of what they’re asked, no matter how nicely you ask them. They just had to jump in their van to use the AC and blast their fucking music intermittently for a good 20 minutes. The bass was deafening and nerve-wracking. It literally was like people were pounding frantically on the doors, walls, ceilings, windows, etc.

That I know of, they haven’t been too bad since, but I know now and am 100% sure that they’ll be waking me up regularly unless I’m asleep between 10 PM and 8 AM and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. They’ve won. They’ve got me. There’s just not a damn thing I can do about it legally or not. Tom won’t let me beat the shit out of them and like he said, they’ll just fuck with the house or something and I’ll land in jail if I beat them. Hell, they might even shoot us. These people are cold, sick assholes.

Then it hit me. I did pray to God during the 2½ years of our wacky sex life to give me a new ongoing issue for a change to have to deal with. Well, he did and this is it. This isn’t new, though. I’ve been woken up by neighbors for years now. I wish he’d think of something else. Anything but me being woken up.

I went over to the pig’s house across the street as a last resort, but no one was home. Was no one home cuz God knew they’d simmer down or was no one home cuz God knew he could and would help me and he didn’t want me helped? What is God trying to tell me? What does he want from me and why does he hate me so much?

I can’t believe that I live in a house and sleep with a loud box fan on, but am still woken up by other people’s noise! What the fuck?! Why?! Why?! Why?! What the fuck did I do? Is it cuz of my letter and postcard to Marty? What is it?! I haven’t caused any trouble. I haven’t made any prank calls, I haven’t done a damn thing to these assholes next door, so what is it? If there is a message in this, can’t God make it more obvious as to what it is since I’m obviously too stupid to figure it out for myself? I think I know, though. I still think it’s part of his general rule for me that I hear other people’s noise. Since I’m not in apartments and he can’t bring people to my ceiling, walls or whatever, he uses the bass which is just like pounding feet above me or on walls. This is sick! Ridiculous! I’ve had it! I’ve had enough! Can’t God just leave me the fuck alone? I can’t sleep at night every night, cuz God won’t let me no matter how hard I try, so now I’m gonna have to sleep in the back room when I’m up at night, huh? Is that what God wants? Does he want to drive me crazy all over again and send me back in time? Back to the NHA? Well, he’s doing a good job of it. Sure, it could be worse, it could be more frequent, but this is bad enough and I want it stopped! I can’t pray to God to help me cuz he not only refuses to listen or help me, but he goes and makes things worse. I find it quite a coincidence that they woke me up after I’d been praying a lot for him to simmer next door’s music down. The more I pray, the more trouble comes my way. Well, he doesn’t have to worry cuz I’ll never pray to him again and I’ll never ask anyone to pray for something for me. We don’t have a God in our lives. We have a Satan that people call God. At least that’s what I believe is my case.

This can’t be compensation for anything good to come, so what is it? A lifelong compensation for being able to sing? For being able to draw? For how I look? What is it and why? Am I truly punished for my ancestor’s sins?

Tom said they came and went twice yesterday quietly and that I can’t assume I know what the future holds, but I do know and even Tom said he was 99% sure things would get a lot worse. I’m not stupid. What was stupid of me was my prayers to God and my sending Tom over there. It’s not gonna be better, it’s not gonna be the same, it’s gonna be worse.

Later…

I’m gonna need to crash in a couple of hours or so and I’m so scared to. I know I’ll have to get up when next door says so. As soon as they come home, they’re gonna pump up that bass, and awake I’ll be. I can’t believe I’m in this predicament. I’m in a house, but my neighbors won’t let me sleep. What am I gonna do? Those stupid no-good fucks! How I want to pray to God. To call out to Robin. I know it’s no use, though. Between 3:30 and 8:30 I’ll have to get up. Then I’ll have to pretend to Tom that it’s no big deal, but I’ll get into that later. I’m just too tired now and have other things I need to get done. Maybe I’ll write some more after I’ve had the 2-4 hours of sleep God and next door will allow me today.