Before I get going on Goldie & Al’s and Boo & Max’s envelopes, I’ll just quickly update stuff.

I guess I misunderstood Tom about a few things. I thought that about $200,000 or $300,000 was to be split 5 ways, but he was really talking about 1 of their 5 or 6 different accounts. Ma’s got about $100,000, plus she’ll be getting about $850 a month which will be more than she needs, and the house is all paid for. It was Dad’s checking account that got split between the 5 kids, so we got $5,000.

We sat down and discussed which bills were the most important to get paid and how much extra we wanted to spend on him, me and us. So, we paid the most important bills, set money aside for the roof and my teeth and then we’re taking a total of $750 for whatever we want or need, but mostly what we want.

I told Tom that that’s his money and to be sure it’s OK for me to spend any on fun stuff like a new CD player, CDs, a CD rack, etc.

I also misunderstood him when I thought he’d said that it was OK to hurt someone just to deal with something. What he really meant was…try not to hurt someone, of course, but to also understand that one of us may say something to the other that we truly feel that may hurt the other, but that it’s not intentional.

We also agree that we may both believe the same things and we may not. For example, we both agree we have bills to pay, so we sat down and decided what should be paid ASAP. On the other hand, he believes we’ll have a kid and I don’t, so if he’s right, we’ll go along with whatever plans he may have in mind to best support it and work things out. If I’m right, then we’ll probably move sooner and take a different course of plans in life or at least do them sooner.

We think we can move in a year or two, but if he’s right and we have a kid, which is our number one top priority, we may wait till it’s one or two years old, cuz we don’t want to give it to someone to babysit it while we move till it’s older.

We’ve decided not to get newer and more modern furniture till we move into a newer and more modern house.

I updated our list of stuff to buy and do and we hope to have time now, to do stuff around here. We still have to pretty up the patio and get rid of that old chair and those water tanks.

We’re doing stuff to save money too, so that we better our chances of not getting in a financial jam again and to better our chances of meeting the deadlines we’ve estimated as far as our goals go. So, I offered to wash silverware from now on and not have him buy plastic silverware. I’ve washed dishes for most of the 10 or 11 years I’ve been on my own, so it’s nothing new.

Tom still hopes for a better job doing something he likes and I still hope to sell some artwork.

I got a letter from Bob yesterday with nothing new. He did enclose a letter for Minnie which he asked me to mail, so I did so today.

Now here’s something we really disagree on and of course, it’s easy for me to say that Tom either lost his mind or is quite a joker. Well, he’s always told me that in his opinion, I’m about an 8 or 9 as far as looks go. He says, though, that having a kid will make me more attractive and put me to a 9 or 10. That’s impossible. First of all, I’ll never be this thin again. I’ll have all the more of a lousy shape and the stretch marks I’ll have will be beyond imagination.

Yesterday we went over to mom’s who was there alone. She looked tired and sad, but can you blame her?

We put the sewing stuff back together and now it’s the same old sewing room again that it used to be but with new carpet. I vacuumed the computer room and we put the door to the sewing room back up.

She also let me borrow a couple of books, but I’ve still got to finish that big book by Dean Koontz. One of the books I got is about the Amy Fisher story and the other’s about two sisters who are stalked.

She said she’d take care of me for vacuuming next time around, but I told her not to worry about it.

I’ll call Larry tomorrow and wish him a happy 16th birthday and right now, I’m gonna check my email, then call Tammy. She’s taking off on the 4th, so I want to wish them a happy and safe trip and tell them to send us postcards.

Andy’s to be leaving on the 7th for two weeks.

Later…

I just did talk to Tammy who’s taking care of last-minute things till they leave. She says that what I did to her mother-in-law in Springfield doesn’t bother her and that she hasn’t talked to her in months. She says that she left Lisa’s concert cuz the girls didn’t want to sit with her and then she called Tammy a bitch in front of the kids. I agree with Tammy when she said that not even mom would do that. Mom would take Tammy aside away from the kids if she really had to let Tammy have it.

Later…

I’m in the back room now and I can see 3 of my birds from where I am. One’s in the window, one’s on the water tank, and one’s up in the rafters.

Someone shot or did something to one of my birds unless it had some kind of accident. One of my long-time regulars has something stuck in its chest and limps. I’m surprised it can fly or that it’s even alive. It’s a small round bright yellow thing, that looks like it could be some kind of arrow, but I’m not sure. I’ll describe it to Tom and see what he thinks.

Somebody around here better not be fucking with my birds. I don’t see how it could’ve landed on something that stabbed it and got stuck in it by accident, so my guess is that it’s some demented kids fucking around.

I got the backs of Goldie, Al, Boo and Max’s envelopes done and I’ll be doing the fronts soon.

Got a message from that site that put out my search request for Robin. They asked if they could publish any comments or input I make and I said fine, go ahead. They also say that all songs for this contest I have to find out more about can have up to 50 lines. No problem. I don’t have songs that long and who cares if they get stolen since I’m not going to be a singer. I doubt anyone would want them that bad to steal them. I mean, for the most part, my songs are just good and not great. Later I’ll ask Tom to help me do what would be the best method of getting the songs to them and finding out more details about the contest.

I did 10 push-ups for the first time in my life the other day, so that was cool. Tom says that my arms seem more fit and defined than when we first met and that my lower body’s the same. Maybe my arms are fit, cuz Tom reminded me that I couldn’t do push-ups when we first met, which is true. I just wish my lower body was more fit, but that’s what I get for being too lazy to work on it. Besides, if Tom’s right, I don’t think it’d matter anymore cuz I’d be in such bad shape. It’ll be hopeless then.

After Tom gets off work today, he’s gonna take me to get a birthday card for Tammy, an anniversary card for my parents and that I’m-so-sorry card for Marty & Ruth. I’m glad Marty & Ruth didn’t make any contact with me, though, as I expected them not to.

In Larry’s letter, I told him I’m sorry Jenny C’s mom died even though her mother was no angel and could be a mean little drunk. I kept that last part to myself.

As I told Larry, I was glad she didn’t end up getting ahold of me. I still think past friendships should remain past friendships. Also, we’re 3000 miles away from each other and are very different. I told him I know we’ve grown out of our old ways and that I don’t hate her, but I learned my lesson as far as buddy sharing goes. I don’t share friends with other friends or family members. My husband, though, is a different story. He can be friends with my friends if he wants to or not and the same goes for me.

I’m frying up some lunch now, but after I eat, I’ll write about a bizarre and horrible dream I had a couple of nights ago.

Later…

Now that is just too weird! That yellow thing that was stuck in that bird is gone. He’s still limping a bit, but how can something that looked to be pretty stuck in there, fall out?

Now for that weird and terrible dream I had. Well, the horrible one started off weird, then turned to horror. I was walking with Tom in a fair or something like that when this woman asked me if I had $80 worth of children. I said I didn’t have any children as if the question she asked was perfectly normal. 

She was deaf and I signed to her, “This is my husband,” and introduced Tom. 

Then Tom and I began to walk away and I kept saying, “I know that girl from somewhere.” 

Then it hit me and I raced back to the girl and said, “Remember?! I was Anna & Harry’s foster kid too. You were my foster sister.” 

Then she remembered and we were in tears of joy to have met up with each other and the thought of being friends. In real life, though, I was Anna & Harry’s one and only foster kid and I had no foster sister there, although I called this 22-year-old girl named Bonnie my foster sister. She lived on my floor. So, I don’t really know this fictitious dream character. 

Then Tom went his own way to leave us to get reacquainted. We signed to each other about our lives since we last saw each other and the next thing I know, we were on this little minibus. Suddenly there were cruisers everywhere and I saw that there was a riot going on. 

I cried out, “Oh, no! Where’s Tom?” 

Then I noticed 4 chairs with people sitting side by side. They all toppled over with the people still in them. At one end of the line of chairs, a woman and a baby toppled over and I thought to myself, I can’t believe people would carry on like this with a baby in the midst of it all! 

Then I saw that Tom was at the other end of the 4 chairs and that the chair was tipped over with him still in it. He lay on his side with his arms at his side and his eyes shut tight and with no movement whatsoever. 

Panic filled me and I grabbed the girl’s arm and signed, “I need you.” Meaning, that I’d need her to get me through whatever was to come of all this. 

I looked at Tom’s completely motionless body and prayed, "Please move, open your eyes, start stirring, wake up!" I didn’t know if he was dead or alive, but I knew I had to find out and find out who did this to him. 

Then I woke up. It was a horribly real, scary, and sad dream.

It was neat, though, to sign a whole dream, for the most part, then to remember it so I could see what I said.