Someone asked why I stopped updating my my-diary account on my original Ask account. Kim? Molly’s mother? Well, no one in Texas has been on my tracker, but Maricopa County was. It made me nervous at first, but if it were someone up to no good, they would’ve remained invisible and they would’ve gone beyond my ‘about’ page, I would think, so I’m not worried. A glance at the satellite, although not always accurate, showed it coming from a health center.

A part of me worries about something bad happening a few months or so after we move like it did when we first moved into the Maricopa house, but I know it’s an irrational worry to have. I’ve done nothing wrong. But still, unless I’m just paranoid, I feel like the pigs are always, always watching, every single day without fail. They’ve already proven that they have no problem with putting lots of time and energy into the wrong people; people who merely have things to say that they don’t agree with, instead of those who are truly dangerous. It’s just that once we own a place, they know we have more to lose than we stand to by renting someone else’s place.

Being legally kidnapped and whisked away to another town was one thing, but being yanked out of my home and taken to another state all in the name of power, hate and control is another. I honestly don’t see how this could happen, but I never thought I’d have been tossed in jail for words on paper and labeled a stalker for it either.

Even if God doesn’t punish me through the law, I still worry He is against us moving and will punish us in other ways. Maybe not as extreme as before, though, since we’re not moving to a fancy house or anything like that. It’s just going to be a simple, basic little house and it’s not going to be all by itself in the middle of 10 acres, either. But I do worry about the breakage curse and things like that. Having to be put out by Jesse coming down to fix his own cooler at his own expense is one thing, but having to pay thousands of dollars for a broken AC/heat pump of our own is another.

Either way, if anyone tries to get legal revenge on me by either violating my rights or fabricating “evidence,” they will suffer the consequences. If shit breaks, we’ll deal with that, too. Can’t let it stop us from living and doing what we gotta do.

Later…

Tom was going to decide if he wanted to check out another park or pick up the mail on the way home. Instead, he got hung up in traffic. Oh, but nothing up there is trying to stop or delay the move, right? Either way, we can’t make an offer till we actually have the money in the bank because they will want to verify funds.

I worry about Tom. He has been so run down and exhausted and his heel still hurts at times. The new shoes he got help him a lot, but as I told him, I worry about him collapsing and ending up in the hospital. He went to bed earlier tonight, assuring me he’s tougher than that, and that once we get moved he won’t work as much OT. The OT is strictly extra and nothing he absolutely has to do. It’s just hard for him to pass up the money, especially since he makes so much.

Andy’s had some interesting theories about some of my dreams, saying the pregnancy dreams could symbolize that moving is a pain in the ass like giving birth. I hope it’s that and not that we’re going to be held back. I totally believe that whether you want them or not, having babies = no life, and that’s one of the many reasons I changed my mind about that in the end.

I remember 3 dreams last night, each lasting for just a few seconds. In one dream I was packing and getting ready to leave someplace (where?) and was very happy. A middle-aged to older woman was with me and she seemed very fond of me and just as happy for me. She told me if I get pregnant just blah, blah, blah – I don’t remember what came after that – but there’s the pregnancy thing again. Really would’ve preferred to see Tom and I leaving this place instead.

Tom, Andy and I were all sharing a house somewhere in the second dream. In the dream, I started smoking one cigarette a day (I’d love to see someone with that kind of self-control) after dinner. Alone in the house, I smoked it in the bathroom, then went into the bedroom and laid down on the bed. A few seconds later I heard a door close somewhere in the house. I got up to see if Tom or Andy had come home to find that Andy’s bedroom door was now closed. I hoped he couldn’t smell the smoke because I knew it would bother him.

The last dream is barely a whisper within my memory I’m not sure I really had it, but it seems I was in trouble for something, though I don’t know what. Probably something I said or wrote since people seem to care more about words than actions, as opposed to anything I actually did. I’ve never gotten in trouble for anything I’ve actually done. Not the candy and cigarettes I stole as a teen, not the long-distance calls I had billed to others, and not even the few people I actually did threaten for real. All I just have to do is say what people don’t want to hear to piss people off. Anyway, I don’t know if it was that or if my rights were being violated or if I was being set up like in the past. I just remember something very vague about my supposed lawyer insisting I not be punished due to all the deaths I’ve been surrounded by since February of 2012, and now having a sister who’s ill.

Later…

I’m surprised they haven’t caught the Boston Marathon bomber yet, though the police would know, by the type of explosives they used, if it was homegrown or foreign terrorists. As Tom said, we hope it’s the usual suspects or else then we’d have more problems to deal with and the country would be even less safe. It was tax day yesterday, so who knows? Maybe it was someone with a grudge against the government. While it’s not ok to take it out on innocent people, I understand their anger, if that’s what it was all about. The government spends money on useless shit, gives our money away to other countries, but won’t do shit for its own. We almost lost our lives because of them before he got his job.

A friend pointed out that you can’t look at someone and know if they’re a terrorist, which is true, and while we may never be 100% safe from anything, if we closed our doors to the countries known to terrorize us, wouldn’t we at least be a little safer?

I feel bad for my niece Becky. The doctor didn’t fully remove the cataract in one of her eyes, leaving it open to attack, and then of course Tammy got screwed over with the biopsy they never sent. The amount of incompetent doctors is a little scary. This is part of why I don’t usually see them unless I need to.

The fact that I have a sleep disorder that prevents me from working yet am unable to “qualify” for disability benefits really pisses the shit out of me. Benefits should be given based on whether you’re disabled and not how many years you worked in the past. But the newly minted family fresh out of Mexico gets handed a welfare check and a slice of American pie right away without any effort. WTF? I’m from here yet my government won’t take care of me. In this case, it’s not about the money since my husband makes enough to support us; it’s about doing what’s right. It’s only fair to give disability payments to those who are disabled.

I also feel bad for Becky, and her sister Sarah, for other reasons. It seems like all they have is each other. They have hundreds of “friends” on FB, but all the outings they go on seem to be with each other only, and I never hear anything about boyfriends and dating. I think I can guess why, too.

It stunned me to learn (and I don’t see why Mary would make this up) how many people are sending her money while she’s on unemployment. Wish someone had sent US money and cared about US as much when we were broke. The clothes mom sent were nice, but they weren’t really needed. Except for the $150 Eileen was kind enough to take upon herself to send, no one gave us shit, and we didn’t know till after the storm that Tammy would’ve helped us. We didn’t really start talking and become closer till after our parents died. I think most people were either just too broke themselves or they just didn’t give a shit. There will always be people in the world showered with money just for breathing while people like Tom have to not only just work for what they get but suffer for it, too. Hell, even the things I won had to be “paid” for. The time it took to keep entering, the constant reminders for them to send the prizes (they hope you’ll just “forget” them), the taxes, etc.

Paula left a message saying she moved to Connecticut and to call for her new address. Couldn’t she have just left the damn thing in her message?

Facebook really annoys me with its constant changes. No site has ever come close to the number of changes and problems FB has. They decided our timelines needed a facelift, so just when I get used to their last round of changes, I have to re-learn where things are and all that shit. I hate how the first thing I see on my timeline is people I may know, based on who our friends are friends with. I really don’t give a shit who my friends are friends with, and if I want to look for someone I can do so on my own, thank you.