Yesterday Kim asked where did I go? Wonder how many days she’ll keep asking things.

It’s nice having temps in the 80s, but I wonder if after having two dry winters in a row if this is the way it’s going to always be. Hell, we had more rain during some of the monsoon seasons down in Arizona than we’ve had here during the last two winters.

It’s even nicer to know my money is on the way, even though Andy thinks I said it’d arrive last week. Last week Walter said it’d be sent by Monday. Well, yesterday was Monday. The number of things people are forgetting (not just him) or that I either was sure that they knew or had read in my journal after they would mention reading it, is getting to be kind of annoying. It’s frustrating when someone says, “I read today’s journal entry. By the way, did you work out today?” Meanwhile, I specifically said I did in the entry. So if they read it, then why would they need to ask that? We can’t remember every little thing. Even I’ve become a bit forgetful between growing older and having much more to keep track of than I did years ago, but still. Why are so many people asking about things I know damn well I told them or that they should know? I’m sure half the people who read this will ask me in a few days if the money is on its way yet.

Tom’s going to call the realtor today from work and see if I can see the place this week if it doesn’t sell before then. I probably won’t have my money till Thursday, so we can’t make any offers till then anyway. Also, we wonder if the net and cell phone service may be just as bad there as it is here. That’s something we’ll need to check out.

I have a backache today and am super hungry today as well. Once or twice a month I have days where nothing fills me up. I’ve only been up a few hours and have already had a small meal, a protein bar, a small smoothie and a snack, but I’m still hungry. So now I’m making chicken and garlic spring rolls. If this doesn’t stop the hunger, then I’ll have a big bowl of clam chowder.

Tammy said they couldn’t draw fluid from her lungs because it could puncture them, but I was thrilled to learn the transplant is “down the road.” This gives me hope that the dream I had of her dying really only meant there was trouble ahead for her. The transplant wouldn’t be “down the road” if she were critical, so maybe she won’t even need it at all if they just figure out the proper medication for her. She actually sounded quite good this last time around. Not great, but much better. I’m just glad that as rough as it may be for her for a while she’ll be ok in the end. I was really worried about her before. I don’t know that she’ll ever be able to work again, though.

I just hope she and Paula know and understand that I’m not going to have the time (or the desire) to sit and gab by phone for an hour or two most days. That’s not only not my thing, but I’m going to be returning to writing full-time, and also trying my hand at sweeping once again to see if I can win like I used to. I doubt it, though, with all the competition out there these days. I will also be out and about doing things I was unable to do here.

Although I’ve seen them before, I stumbled upon some photos from the holocaust when I was bored yesterday and went aimlessly clicking away. Once again I was not only thoroughly convinced that God is NOT good, but wondered how the hell so many people could think He is. Good Gods don’t let so many innocent people be slaughtered like cows.

One scene in particular that will haunt me forever is that of a child dying in the streets of Warsaw. As he lay there starving, people walked around him as if he didn’t even exist. Could not only God be so cold, heartless and without a conscience, but could so many fellow human beings be as well? Were there and are there still people in the world that could starve, torture and kill millions of people? No group has had it as bad as the Jews. The gays may never have a full bag of rights, but at least 6 million of them weren’t gathered up, while God sat back and allowed it to happen, and then killed like animals. Funny, though, how so many people are quick to deny the holocaust, but no one ever denied slavery.

Some people believe that there was once a God, but that shortly after He created the world He abandoned it for some reason. Could very well be too, when you consider the atrocities and injustices of the world, not to mention the fact that prayer has never worked for me (and many others), and when it seemed to it was probably just a coincidence.

I still think what I’ve thought for most of my life; that there’s either no God or a bad God. I’m just not sure which one it is. Guess we may never for sure. There’s no scientific proof that God exists or doesn’t exist. I guess we all have to do what we have to do when times get rough. For some, it’s telling themselves that a good God exists that loves everybody equally and that grants people their wishes. For others, it’s a nice long hot soak in a scented bubble bath. For me it’s Tom, good friends and family, my pets, writing and listening to music.