Tom woke up unable to sleep cuz his mind was racing. “It’s too much,” he said, “regardless of all the barking.”

Yeah, the house is kind of steep for what it’s got to offer. It’s spacious, but it’s old and the damn thing doesn’t even have a refrigerator or a washer and dryer.

Today’s events (now yesterday’s) explain the lack of positive moving dreams. The only dream I remember was receiving a handwritten letter from Nane. Along the sides of the pages, she doodled all kinds of cartoon characters. I told Tom I was going to write back with all kinds of drawings decorating both the letter and envelope.

The funniest part was the end where I was saying how silky soft her letter felt. “Look how soft this paper is,” I said to Tom.

“Yeah, that paper probably cost more than her rent,” he said.

Later…

So France was the last country to legalize gay marriage (yay) and it looks like the next US state will be Delaware (yay again).

The jury did the right thing and convicted Jodi Arias of 1st-degree murder. Now if they could just continue doing the right thing by killing the bitch, that would be even better. But even if she does get the death penalty, the chances of her actually being killed are slim. At least she’ll never be free again, though. After cases like Casey Anthony and OJ, you worry for a minute there that this admitted, obvious cold-blooded murderer, is going to get off on some stupid technicality or because they’re black.

Last night my frustration and confusion over this house thing started to turn to depression. I was left feeling like we could only have what we didn’t want and could never get what we did want. I’d still prefer a newer, nicer, bark-free place, but that’s just a pipe dream. Well, then again, we could take out a loan for a newer nicer place, but since that too, would include barking, we decided against it due to the added time it would take. It would take another month to 6 weeks just to get approved, and the odds of finding a place with space rent as low as $510 is slim unless we remained in Auburn.

The realtor called back (I forgot her name) to let us know the exact numbers on things like space rent, sewer, trash, etc. They were lower than she originally quoted which was basically a guess. So Tom and I asked ourselves, do we make an offer and leave it to fate, or what? I say we make the damn offer as turned off as I was by all the barking because it doesn’t get much quieter or cheaper than that. Not for us it doesn’t, anyway. We can’t know what’s going to happen with our credit and when, so rather than waste time waiting for what isn’t meant to be or what would at least take even longer to obtain, we might as well jump at this opportunity. Other than the noise and the ugly paneling that’s in most of the place, the place is more than big enough and has just about everything we need. We’d want to install dual-paned windows in time, though we like the solar screens the place has, which help keep it cooler and that you can see out of but not into. Tom described the carpet as worn, and while it may not be perfect, I thought it looked pretty good and I loved how plush it was. They used really soft padding underneath.

Worst-case scenario we have to keep sound machines on during the daytime and maybe even soundproof the left wall of the place due to that dog barking out the window next door. Tom thinks, though, that it never would’ve gone off had we not walked around the place. Tom heard someone leave the first time he was there and said the vehicle wasn’t ferociously loud but was average. They didn’t make a show out of slamming doors real hard, gunning engines or blasting any music. They just jumped in and left.

Tom thinks we’ll hear a few barks once or twice a day. I say 6-12 times a day for 5-10 minutes, but I’ve lived with worse. The mutts have to be walked, and every time someone pulls in there it’s gonna hit the window and go ballistic. These dogs, who are never allowed indoors, used to bark 10 hours a day back when Jesse was working, so I’ve dealt with worse. If I’m right on how often the barking will occur, it shouldn’t add up to much more than an hour a day of barking, something I can adapt to easily enough or at least run sound machines if it gets to be a bit much. I may have to limit certain activities to the nighttime that require a quiet background, but oh well. I’ve had to do this before and I can live with it. As soon as I saw the place with all the space around it in Newcastle, I knew damn well and good that nothing up there would let us have anything that ideal.

Why do so many people prefer dogs, though? I just don’t get why people would want to have animals that are so damn loud. Then again, I could also ask that of those wanting kids. Why would anyone want something that will cost them more money than they’ll probably ever have and steal their peace and life? Having once considered a kid of my own, plus the move to Oregon, were definitely some of my biggest what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking moments.

Anyway, I think we’re going to get the barking house, as I’ve dubbed it. God would just LOVE to see us in an old place with lots of barking, though the house is far from dumpy and it should be quiet at night. Don’t know what condition the roof is in, though, so Tom will have to check it out if no one beats us to an offer. Maybe we’ll have a home inspection done and get the carpet cleaned. The only thing I don’t like, besides the barking, is that this place will damn near drain all our savings. But Tom did the math and said there’d be no risk of losing the place even if they laid him off that day. Oh, the noisier it is the less likely we’d lose it, alright, LOL. God only seems to want to take the newer, nicer places away from us. Worst-case scenario, new furniture and other non-necessities would have to wait. We’d have to change the locks right away and get new appliances, though.

So, God, we’ll take this 1977 barking house if they’ll accept our offer, but it will be OURS and no one’s going to take it away from us until and if we decide to sell it. Not even You.

My jail blog still gets accessed regularly and Maliheh’s now at the point that she won’t even open my email. Damn. Now I can’t tell her off as I planned to in another month or so.

Alison said she got a message from Molly’s sister Sarah, letting her know she’d be home till the 19th, is doing well, etc. As she told her, though, she cut ties with her years ago for a reason, doesn’t give a shit how she’s doing, and doesn’t want to be contacted again. She hasn’t shown up on my tracker yet.

Later…

Been meaning to do a Mary update and explain why I wanted to make it clear that I have just one account per site except on Ask, thanks to the trolls who wouldn’t leave my friend and me alone.

I’m the curious type who analyzes and wonders about things. Mary and I have always written about each other in our blogs and neither of us minded. If she has a problem with what I’m going to say in this entry, though, tough. I don’t use full names or sensitive info and I’m not making any threats, so I’m not doing anything wrong. I have the right to say what I’m going to say, and since we’re no longer friends I don’t feel I’m obligated to her in any way.

So I ruled out anything I wrote in my blog as being why she would dump me all of a sudden with no explanation. Those on parole aren’t supposed to mingle with ex-cons, but I’m not an “ex-con.” Even if I hadn’t been vindicated, the charges would’ve been dropped to a misdemeanor in the end. An ex-con is considered to have felonies on their rap sheet.

Unable to guess what the hell was going on, I logged into LinkedIn where I totally forgot I’d set up an account there in a bogus name. Not something I normally like to do, but I was looking for someone I couldn’t find on Facebook. I don’t even remember who it was or if I ever found them. I only used the account for a day and haven’t logged in for years. At first I wondered how the hell Mary found me but then realized all she had to do was look me up by email. It’s a no-brainer.

Anyway, here’s what she had to say. Apparently, she received a message on MO that I was “two-facing” her and speaking unfairly about her in a second blog. But I don’t have a second blog. My first thought was Kim, who’s obsessed with impersonating everyone from people she knows to celebrities, but it seems a bit steep even for Kim. I’ve never known Kim to set up an account as someone, bash someone that person supposedly knows, then go point it out to them.

She said she left MO cuz of all the lame people and that she dumped me on Tumblr cuz she was “irritated” with me and needed space from me. She said that she felt it best to just silently walk away rather than cuss me out. But there’s an in-between she should’ve considered. Instead of jumping the gun or cussing me out, she could’ve had the decency to at least ask me about it. Shame on her for not knowing me better! Man, I’m sick of all these trust issues and paranoia so many people have and the way they jump to all kinds of false accusations and assumptions without even checking things out. Besides, we knew each other for years. If she felt like she couldn’t talk to me and that she just had to automatically take the person’s word for whatever, then our friendship was never what I thought it was to begin with. I can understand how hard it can be to trust people in general, but people she’s known for years??? If you can’t take them at face value, then who can you take them at face value? Really, I can’t stand people like this who are that insecure. They’re almost as bad as dealing with the crazies.

I’m TIRED of having to defend and explain myself to those who should know me better. Maybe next time she’ll learn to investigate rumors and check into things first before she makes up her mind about people. I don’t need this type of drama in my life and I have more important things to do than babysit people’s feelings and have to take them by the hand and say, “No, no, that’s not the way it happened. I’m not lying to you. I swear!” Those days are over for me and I told her that if she wants space, fine, she can have it because I don’t want to hear from her again. We’re done. Period. I can eventually forgive her, but I don’t want to resume our friendship because this isn’t the first time something like this has happened and it’s a matter of having self-respect for myself. I can forgive and resume friendships once – maybe twice if they’re real lucky – but 3 strikes and you’re certainly out for good because I know damn well you’re just going to keep pulling the same old BS on me no matter how many times I forgive you.

Crazies, liars, false accusers, those that like to piss me off for negative attention… ugh! It gets old at times and sometimes I wish I didn’t have any friends at all. Fewer headaches that way, for sure, but I can’t dump people for no reason. I used to be able to do that, but the me of today has to have a good reason to cut ties with someone. Unless they do something really big or too many smaller things add up, I’d feel too guilty for letting people go needlessly. Not that I would lower myself to being friends with people like Fran and “Nervous,” but I can just imagine what it would be like with them in cyberspace. What a nightmare, even though one of them is dead. They would no doubt keep annoying and offending me just so they could get off on reading about it in my blog till I was smart enough to catch on and get rid of them. They definitely thrived on pissing people off and getting negative attention.

Anyway, I don’t know what informants Mary’s got spying on me these days, but she told me she could find anyone cuz she’s got an associate’s degree as a paralegal and specializes in doing research. Then why the fuck couldn’t she research this other blog, forward the link to me, and ask me about it?

Oh, and she unblocked me on FB. Gee, that’s nice of her, huh? I’m unblocked but I’m still a two-faced liar, right?

The person behind the blog said something about not wanting her to be happy. Now why in the world wouldn’t I want her to be happy??? I have said nothing in my blog I wouldn’t say directly to her. She knows what I think of her associating with abusive and even potentially dangerous people, and she knows what I think about her not learning to do things for herself. There’s nothing wrong with accepting help in tough times, and it’s not her fault the economy is so bad she can’t find a job (on top of the fact that she was behind bars for 14 years and most employers don’t care for that), but she does tend to use people. She did it to me for many years, but for the most part, I didn’t mind. I didn’t mind typing up and editing her book drafts, but I did put my foot down when the stamps and ink started adding up and she asked for favors for friends, people I didn’t even know.

Anyway, that wraps up my “friendship” with the woman who told me countless times that she loved me and considered me to be the sister she never had. I had no idea she had so little trust, faith, and confidence in me. It is really, really insulting. Why would anyone want to be friends with those they feel they can’t trust anyway, and who would set up a blog just to smack them? I can smack someone anywhere. I don’t need to set up secret accounts to do it.

Meanwhile, I’m looking into locating the bogus account and who may be behind it, but haven’t found anything yet. As soon as I do, though, MyOpera will be notified and I will see to it that they investigate and have it shut down.