We’re having a surprise cool spell with some rain, but after tomorrow it’ll be warm and sunny again.

Thinking of seeing the house tomorrow, and again I’m wondering, are we going to see our home, or are we wasting our time? Even if we agree to take it, we don’t know that they’ll accept our offer or that the park will accept us. The fact that it’s been a while since we’ve heard from the credit people about the one negative thing left on the report we’re disputing is a good sign, though I still don’t expect to get into our favorite park. In that park, we’d have to buy something we could afford outright because the space rents are higher. Coincidentally, they haven’t had any such thing since I got my money.

I still say we’re safer with something that’s not totally ideal. If it’s at least somewhat noisy, we wouldn’t be as quick to lose it. I know it may sound funny, but I still feel that the more we like a place, the more something up there will be tempted to take it away from us. I have lived in somewhat noisy to insanely noisy places almost all my adult life, so it’s obviously A, important to whatever’s up there that I do so, and B, meant to be. I’m not saying this place would be “noisy,” but I still wouldn’t be surprised if dogs and kids could be heard in back at least somewhat. Or at least “happen” to be heard when we happen to get there if we do go there.

One of Tom’s coworkers said she used to live in that area and that empty space has been there forever. She said it’s a mellow neighborhood and the only nuisance would be the traffic because there’s a high school and a grade school in the area. This may be true, but she can’t possibly know what can be heard in that house. Only the houses along that strip would know if there’s any significant noise from in back. Things can start off quiet and then change. I’ve noticed that most of the neighbors who have moved in next to me started off fine, then 4-6 months later they would change for the worse. Do I think someone will build a house in that space if we move there? I don’t know, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if they did. Andy said his mother said location is the most important thing, but I think that’s only part of it. The right location with the wrong neighbors can make a world of difference.

But I don’t want to judge the place without seeing it first. I like the pics I’ve seen of the place, the way Tom described it when he saw it, and the lower space rent. Knowing how noise tends to follow me no matter where I go and that if it weren’t one thing it’d just be another, I think we should just focus on the house and overall location. No one can count on always having good neighbors anyway. You could move in with good neighbors who end up moving a few months later. It’s happened to me enough times to know this. Homeowners tend to be more civilized than renters, so to be surrounded by owners for once instead of always having at least one rental next to us, will be a refreshing change. I don’t know that none of the houses in back are rentals, though, and they can still have barking dogs and screaming kids, but we’ll just have to wait and see what vibes I get from actually seeing the place in person tomorrow afternoon.

It had been a long time since I checked MD’s most popular list, and so I checked last night and found I’m back on it. I had fallen off when I stopped using MD for a while. I’m sure my stalkers help keep me on the list now that I’m using the site regularly enough. That reminds me… I’m still torn between continuing with public journaling, or dropping it to at least semi-public when we finally do get the hell out of here. It’s just that one of my stalkers is a corrupt ex-cop. I don’t know for a fact that he’s stalking me. The pig isn’t going to let me know if he is, of course, but it’s a very real possibility. Then again, maybe it’s better to risk one of these nuts showing up at my door so I can get them out of my life for good, not that I’m going around posting sensitive info or anything like that. It’s just that the more I say about wherever we end up, the more likely I am to be found, so I have to be careful, even though he’d probably have already come after me if he were going to do so. Sometimes I wonder why he hasn’t. I cost him his job after all. But then I know I’m not the only one he victimized through the law. Therefore, if he went after everyone who had a hand in his firing, wouldn’t that make him more than obvious? Well, I’m not running and hiding, either way.

Someone asked if I ever get picked on for not driving. Sometimes, but not too often. Not like I have about the sleep thing as people are just like that at times. If they can’t “see” it or understand it, then you don’t have it. Period. Not unless you mention basic everyday aches and pains like headaches and period cramps, or more common diseases like diabetes.

In the early 90s, I had a one-nighter with a girl named Ann Marie right before I left MA, then another one right after I moved to CT, and she had a very hard time accepting my driving phobia. One night we spoke on the phone and after I hung up I was sad to realize we’d spent the bulk of the discussion with her harping on why it was oh so bad that I didn’t drive, and listing all the reasons why I should drive. I also realized that she was a lot unhappier with her own life than I’d initially given her credit for, for I still believe that those who judge others aren’t very happy with their own lives. If it doesn’t affect you directly, what do you care? And if you are put out by it to a degree and you have a problem with it, then do you really care about the person?

Just days after her “lecture” I ended up having both a mental and physical breakdown and would be hospitalized for a week or so before moving to Arizona. Had I stuck around, though, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to see her again. She was only interested in what she thought I could become, not who I was. It’s ok to ask a person about something or suggest something to them, but if you don’t get the response you want, let it go, ok? They are who they are and it’s probably for a reason. No, I’m not perfect, and yes, sometimes there are things I want to change about myself – some of which I can change and some of which are out of my control – but my shortcomings and imperfections are part of what makes me human.

I don’t see a problem, for example, if a couple with a lot of money chooses not to work. If it’s a mutual agreement that’s not hurting anyone, who are we to judge them any more than we should judge who people marry? How couples live should be up to them. Yet everyone’s so big on being “normal.” They’re afraid to be who they are, even if that’s a bit unique or if they may be seen as weird. As they say, those that don’t mind matter, those that do mind don’t matter. As I’ve learned in life, those who pick on others, be it for being fat, poor, blind, deaf, or something else, probably have the same exact problem.