I had this dream last night that I went to the hospital in labor. I was both alone and terrified. Never before had I had a dream like that and again I wonder about parallel lives. I was so terrified that I woke up. Never did feel any pain in the dream, though.

Then in another dream, Tom and I were thinking of having me artificially inseminated. I wrote about it in a letter to my parents who were still alive, knowing they would likely disagree with it since they’d always encouraged me to skip kids and enjoy life and living. Determined not to be persuaded by anyone, to live for myself and make up my own mind, I was thinking of backing out just because I didn’t want to have to work so hard in that kind of way on something that brought so much noise and so many expenses. I really did value my freedom, too.

I thought of something really cool that Tammy could do with her second sink. I always thought it was kind of silly to have two sinks in one bathroom, but then I realized one could be filled with water and bamboo plants. All they need is water, after all. That would look weird yet kinda cool.

I honestly don’t see the point in the women’s march. I still say that while most men may not be “gay by action,” they’re still “gay at heart,” always favoring each other and preferring each other to women. So I think that as long as that attitude remains, and it is human nature to favor one’s own kind, things aren’t going to change. But I also can see where sitting back and just taking their shit in silence isn’t going to help either.

Most people may be quick to say that violence never solves anything but when you think about it, maybe it does. Maybe sometimes it really is necessary to step on people to get what’s right and the only way to put people in their proper place. Maybe things won’t change with women until we’re willing to enact the same kind of violence and control upon them as they have with us. For example, look how fast blacks got ahead compared to gays. Now they have more rights than whites ever had, even if some people aren’t willing to admit this. Gays always went about protesting and fighting for their rights in a calm and peaceful way. But the blacks didn’t. And no matter what anyone says, ever since the LA riots, the law has tended to favor them in most places because cops and judges are getting sick of being accused of racism. Even today, that’s all you fucking hear about. People will always do whatever works for them in order to get ahead. Right or wrong, it’s human nature to do so. As long as playing the race card works for them, they’re going to keep on doing it. Meanwhile, women need to start doing what’s going to work for them and I really think resorting to violence may be the only way if they want men to stop deciding what they can and can’t do with their own bodies, for example.

Tom, however, thinks violence won’t help and that they’re doing a fine job. There are more women in politics, the military, and just about everywhere, he says.

True, but they’re still not being paid fairly and are still being told how to live their own lives.

So Leslie Van Houten has once again been denied parole. Sometimes I wonder why she even bothers to try. I don’t know that I would bother wasting my time if I were in her shoes.

I do agree, however, that it was wrong of the courts to approve her parole and then deny it simply because Manson died and they’re afraid of creating a so-called new Manson Family. Did they expect Manson to live forever? Besides, any sicko can follow in his footsteps anytime. But you know how the law is, they can do whatever the fuck they want. They’re above the law and nothing is illegal for them. I’ve seen this firsthand. When you make the laws you can break them, too.

Do I think she should get out simply because she was young and under a horrible influence at the time of the murders? Absolutely not. I heard her once say that she doesn’t understand why she’s still being punished for something she did when she was 21. I would agree if she had stolen a car or something like that. But this is one case where it’s good to see someone held accountable for their own actions because there are too many cases of others being held accountable for other people’s actions. I’m seeing more and more of this shit lately and it’s sad. I can see if you influence an impressionable child to kill themselves or something, but we really ARE responsible for our own actions as adults who should be old enough to know the difference between right and wrong no matter what. Yet if I were attacked by some random stranger on the street, chances are excellent that they may get off by claiming I somehow provoked them, especially if they weren’t white. Recently there was this sickening case in the UK where a guy got just 3 years for bludgeoning his ex. The courts claimed she provoked the attack by seeing someone else when in reality she’d already left him, not that this should be an excuse to smash someone over the head with a hammer.

But then the provocation argument would surely cease to exist for those who fucked with me, wouldn’t it? How much you wanna bet no one ever asked or suggested if the welfare bums in Arizona just might have done anything on their part to provoke me?

Okay, enough negativity. As it is, I myself hate it when some of my FB buddies post nothing but negative shit as they often do. Yeah, the world can be both depressing and scary. And yeah, I wonder if violence and vigilantism may not be such a bad idea in some cases, but life is never going to be fair no matter what.

Anyway, we’re not doing much today. I’m doing laundry and just relaxing for the most part.