The EMDR must have worn off, LOL, because I’m practically crying happy tears at the realization that I haven’t needed Lorazepam (with the exception of one or two to help me sleep for last year’s appointments) since July 5th! You know how everyone has their moment when they realize they’ve either accomplished or survived something? The reality is starting to set in that I might have actually really truly survived the hellish nightmare I suffered from the summer of 2014 to the summer of 2017 and I just might actually be back to myself for good. Or at least for what I hope is a seriously long time.

I don’t even want to think of what my next long-term problem will be or when it will start, and yes, it does seem I have one long-term crisis after another with just a year or two in between. As an adult, I’ve had what I consider to be a crisis 5 different times in my life, and a few other long-term problems that I wouldn’t describe as a crisis but that were very frustrating. Of the 5 times I was in crisis, two were monetary, two were medical, and one was legal. Even though the last crisis was by far the worst, my life was never truly in danger. But the series of killer asthma attacks I had many years ago could have killed me, and the two times I was in a serious financial crisis could have done me in as well. So I would say that three out of five were dangerous or close enough to it.

I can only tell you this… Whatever the next one may be is either going to be a piece of cake compared to my “meds-peri crisis” or it’s going to kill me because anything worse than the last crisis would certainly do just that, that’s how bad it was, life-threatening or not.

Anyway, can’t say that I’ll never get another period again, but I can definitely say that in April, when the Lorazepam expires, I won’t be requesting a refill.

Later…

Tom had just finished helping me dye my hair and I was just about to jump in the shower to rinse it out when he comes back into the bedroom and says, “Don’t freak out but there’s a body in the carport.”

I really thought he meant that someone passed out or died in our carport. It didn’t hit me that the “body” was actually the doll because I didn’t expect her until the week after next. But yes, she’s here! The doll I’ve wanted for 13 years is here and I’m very disappointed. She is OMG heavy as fuck! She’s absolutely gorgeous and very lifelike as well as life-size. No problem from an aesthetic point. She looks even more realistic than I thought she would and she has a great body despite being a little too titsy.

The problem is I can’t lift her to save my life! It’s a huge struggle even for Tom. It’s just that people tend to exaggerate so I didn’t buy all the complaints about these things being so damn heavy. Well, they weren’t kidding! The best I can do is maneuver her from lying down into a sitting position on the couch. I couldn’t even pick her up to get her into my office chair to wheel her into another room if I wanted to. So that much is pretty disappointing. But every time I walk by it’s like, wow! What a beauty!

I took some pictures of her to show Aly. Not sure I want to tell Tammy but if I do I’ll say we won her, LOL. The plan was to enjoy her while we were still here and get a flat-chested one with a tan when we move. No way! Until they can make these things no more than 30 pounds, I’ll pass.

She came with an outfit that fits her perfectly and looks great on her. Sheer baby blue lingerie that really shows her realism because you can see her nipples through the lace on the upper part of the top. I realize now that putting her in a typical outfit would cover a lot of her realism. This way you can see her nipples, belly button, etc.

I put a necklace, earrings and a couple of rings on her, but I can’t find my other toe rings.

She came with a comb that has fat metal prongs but goes through the wig easily. The doll and the wigs are definitely very high quality. The eyes look very realistic, too. If I’m disappointed with something that costs $740, imagine how pissed I’d be if we had spent over 2K! Tom never wanted to send her back unless she was damaged, so she’s staying. Would I undo this order if it was as simple as snapping my fingers? Yes, I would. But since I can’t, I have a very beautiful, realistic and life-size doll to look at every time I walk through the living room.

We couldn’t resist feeling inside her, LOL. Feels pretty realistic to me. The only thing that doesn’t seem realistic is the positioning of the openings. They seem too far forward.

Anyway, right now I have the Suki head on her which looks Chinese. She wears a shoulder-length dark brown wig parted in the middle. Later I’ll switch to Gia who looks Korean but will probably take out her blue eyes and put the brown ones in. She can wear the lighter brown wig with the green and blue colored streaks on the ends. It’s a really cool-looking wig. Hell, I might even wear it just for kicks. The wigs stay on these heads much easier than on the mannequins which had a smooth slippery surface. The wigs don’t slip as easily on the rubbery surface. That’s part of what makes her hard to move too, is that she hangs up on things easier. Between her rubbery surface and her weight, I can’t just slide her into position easily on the couch. She has to be lifted.

I added coral-colored lipgloss to Suki and will add bright pink to Gia. The natural color of the lips is just a light reddish color. I’m kind of surprised that they don’t have removable tongues. Anyway, I have to really be sure to do the lips well because she stains very easily. They should’ve whitened the teeth a bit, though.

She came with a warming stick and I can see why. Even after she’d been indoors for a while, she remained cool to the touch, almost cold. She’s very soft and almost tacky feeling. You can get rid of that by putting baby powder on her. I have to be careful when handling her that I don’t cut the skin with my nails, that’s how soft it is. It’s funny because when I slap her breasts, you hear a hollow sound. When I slap her thighs, it sounds just like when I slap my own thighs.

She also came with a plunger-like thing to clean her out after you screw her, so that’s definitely not anything we would need, haha.

They also enclosed white gloves (I don’t want to cover her pretty hands and nails) and a charcoal gray fleece blanket. What, do they think that will warm her up or something? One of her nails popped off but it was easy enough to glue it back on.

The joints are a bit stiff but that’s nothing compared to trying to lift her. As soon as I tried to lift the box I knew I would never be able to lift her.

At least I can change the damn heads! The head alone is like 8 pounds. They said she’s 70 pounds, but I think she’s closer to 80, maybe even slightly more. I’m learning I’m not the toughie I thought I was, LOL. Anything else about myself I may be giving myself too much credit for?